


Comatosed

by Spookje



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Aphasia, Coma, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, XiuHan - Freeform, lumin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2019-10-08 10:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spookje/pseuds/Spookje
Summary: Luhan wakes up in a plain field with no recollection of what happened, but he finds a stranger he gets close to soon enough.





	Comatosed

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: minor sex scene & mentions of sex, (mental) illnesses (social anxiety, aphasia), accidents and coma.
> 
> Also, it's a little dramatic but I hope entertaining nonetheless, haha

The first thing Luhan hears is a faint beep, constant and dragging on. When he opens his eyes, the beeping disappears and is replaced with silence. The sight after he lifts his head from the ground he laid on are open meadows with spring-green grass as far as the eye can see, not a single trace of civilization to be found. The sky is painted bright blue with no bird or cloud to taint it.  
Luhan sighs, a feeling of peace in his mind, and lifts himself from the grass he was spread on. He rubs the muscles in his shoulder absently, a habit rather than a necessity as his muscles aren’t aching. He spends a moment thinking how he got here, but he cannot recall. Instead, the taste of coffee lingers in his mind and that is enough motivation to start walking. He could use a cup of coffee right about now. If only he’d know where to go to for his fix. Judging by the bright sky, it must be around noon.  
Luhan takes a gamble and walks straight ahead. With a bit of luck, he finds an alignment of trees far off at the horizon. So this world knows more than just grass, that’s a blessing. His steps are light as he takes the path towards it, strolling casually through the deserted plains.

Half way through, Luhan realizes there is not a single living being around. Still not a bird in the sky nor an insect crawling on his skin. It isn’t supposed to feel right, but it definitely doesn’t feel off either. He does feel the wind, a soft caress on his face every so often. Occasionally he would adjust his hair, the wind blowing his bangs into disarray. Even if nobody is around to see him, the need to keep his black hairlocks well in place is still there.

The few trees he had seen on the horizon are not all too impressive up close, something he notes when he arrives at this destination. Calling it a forest would be too ambiguous, it is more like a gathering of trees if anything. In the distance it had looked so promising, he wonders how he could have been so mistaken.  
Luhan walks under a few trees before he turns around and nods satisfied at the distance he covered to get here. He sits down and places his back against a tree trunk. He is not tired, not even his feet are aching, yet he decides to take a moment to relax. There isn’t much else to do anyway. His stomach didn’t give off signals of hunger and nothing of interest could be spotted on the horizon.  
He stares at the fresh trail of trampled grass he created, marking the landscape like it is foreign to the touch of a living being. As he wondered about other life forms in this odd, but comfortable, place, he drifts off into unconsciousness with the soft air still stroking his skin.

‘Hey, Luhan! Wake up! Wake up, Luhan.’ A voice yells, distant as if yelled from a hundreds of meters away. It quiets down soon after, continuing as soft mumbling. When Luhan opens his eyes, the voice is gone.  
Luhan yawns and stands up, only to be staring at a boy curled up next to him. He wavers and clashing his shoulder into the tree behind him. He must have been the one that called him, but how did this person know his name?  
Luhan takes a step closer and examines him. He looks younger than him, maybe 20 years old. Brown hair falls over brows and ears, pressed against his head by a rolled up black bandana. The bandana is decorated with brightly colored red symbols across the fabric.  
The boy’s lips are curled into a small smile, adding to his youthful appearance. Luhan is instantly put to ease and he barely suppresses the feeling to cradle him into his arms, instead reaching his hand out to pat his head. A relief flows through him by the knowledge that his journey was not a lonely one any more, surely this other soul would be in need of a survival partner in this vast, empty place.

A few minutes later, the boy stirs and opens his eyes. Luhan moves his hand away and stares at him till the boy, or rather man, sits up and speaks. He looks older now that he is awake, could they be the same age?  
‘Morning,’ The man says quietly as he rubs his eyes. ‘Have you slept well?’  
Luhan curls up his lips at the man’s voice, not really having any expectations on how this stranger would sound like, but also the oddness of that being his first question when he wakes. Luhan is left with plenty of questions to ask him himself.  
‘Decent enough. How about you?’  
The boy cocks his head and leans in a bit closer towards Luhan. ‘Your accent, is that Chinese?’.  
Luhan nods and raises an eyebrow. ‘Wasn’t I speaking Chinese just now?’  
The boy laughs. ‘I could understand what you were saying, but I’ve never been taught Mandarin.’  
‘Interesting, so you’re…?’  
‘Korean, born and raised.’  
Luhan nods his head again. ‘And how old are you?’  
‘25, you?’  
‘Same age, that’s a coincidence,’ Luhan notes with a smile.

Luhan stands up and extends his hand towards the man. ‘My name is Luhan. What is your name?’  
He accepts the hands and also stands up. ‘My name is Minseok. Nice to meet you, Luhan.’ His pronunciation is different. Then who called my name while I was asleep?

An hour passed and Luhan can’t even remember how he survived this place without Minseok. They have talked nonstop, talking about everything and nothing. Things they enjoy, things they dislike, favourite food, hobbies and anything that crossed their mind. Minseok didn’t state how he found Luhan when he did, but it didn’t matter anyway.

‘So you also like football? Come, let’s play a game then!’ Luhan exclaims happily when he learns about their mutual love for football. Minseok laughs with his gums showing.  
‘How, have you seen a ball anywhere around here?’  
Luhan drops his smile, but quickly recovers when he sees Minseok pout in mockery. ‘So, first we will have to search for a ball then! We should also get some coffee. Let’s see. The weather is… Still exactly the same as it has always been. So I assume you want to drink a bitter coffee, maybe an espresso?’.  
Minseok grins. ‘I see you have paid attention. I place my bet on ice coffee for you, am I correct?’ Minseok smiles when Luhan nods dumbfounded and then points west. ‘Let’s head that way, I have a good feeling about it. There is a hill over there, there could be a city on the other side.  
Luhan gazes towards the direction Minseok is pointing. He wonders whether it would be wise to follow that route since he hadn’t seen anything that could point him towards civilization thus far. His sense of direction got lost by the unending, never changing meadows. Luhan wants to speak up, but before he gets the chance, Minseok intertwines his fingers with Luhan’s and pulls him along. It was enough to keep him quiet about the matter on his mind.

They’ve been walking for what could be hours, or minutes, or days. Their sense of time has been lost, nothing to indicate what hour of the day it is, with the sky still marked blue. Minseok had his hand embracing Luhan’s, they hadn’t let go since. Luhan didn’t mind, it felt secure to be attached to the other. It was assurance that he wouldn’t be alone.

Once reaching the hills peak, they both gasp when they look beyond the hill. There is a valley at the end of the hill, tiny structures in it visible.  
‘Wooh, would you look at that!’ Minseok reacts first after they both lost their stupor to the view. He let go of Luhan’s hand and jumps around excitedly. Luhan rolls his eyes.  
‘I still refuse to believe you are supposed to be my age, or even a month older than me,’ he tries to sound serious, but Minseok isn’t buying it. Instead, he sticks out his tongue.  
‘Hey, watch it!’ Luhan threatens and gives him a playful punch on his arm. Minseok launches himself on Luhan and tackles him to the ground.

‘You can’t beat me,’ Minseok says smugly when Luhan fails to escape from underneath him. Luhan scoffs and surrenders reluctantly. Minseok helps him up and dusts off his clothing for him, patting him down like they had been friends for years. Luhan did consider himself lucky, it isn’t likely to meet someone so likeminded and compatible in general, but with the current state it was a blessing even more so. He smiles when Minseok looks him up and down once more before he considers Luhan clean enough. He grabs Luhan’s hand again and decides it’s time to continue their journey. Luhan’s smile remains plastered on his face long after.

On the journey towards the village, Luhan feels an increasing need to look at Minseok every few minutes. He pinpoints all his features and memorizes them, like his tiny nose or angled eyes, his short clipped nails or that one birthmark on his lower arm. He notices Minseok is quite well build, certainly if his legs are any indication. His shorts reveal milky white legs with strong upper leg muscles, so Luhan knew he wasn’t lying about playing football in his spare time.  
Of course, Luhan spends most time adoring the face of the slighty, one month, older boy. His distinct features are bushy brows, mostly hidden by his bangs, and big almond shaped eyes that are slightly tipped upwards. Luhan is convinced they had enchanted him, because he couldn’t look away whenever Minseok looked at him. To his luck, Minseok doesn’t seem to notice Luhan’s continuous stares, or perhaps he chooses to ignore it.

 

When they arrive in the village, it becomes clear that it has long been abandoned. Nature has already been taking over, with moss covering the buildings’ walls and trees sprouting through the cracked windows the sun could reach. If anything, it looks like a fairy tale, its magic sealed in the mysteries the town left behind. Judging from the size of the village, there must have been at least 500 inhabitants at one point in time. Luhan silently wonders how they have disappeared as he sees Minseok examining a deteriorating door.  
‘Don’t touch that, the building might crash,’ Luhan says.  
‘Yes, mom.’ Minseok mocks. ‘Just look how cool this place is! I want to explore every inch of this village. You’ll join me, right?’ He looks at Luhan with hopeful eyes.  
Luhan nods. He wouldn’t want to miss out on that.  
Minseok smiles before he turns around and walks to another building to peek inside.

Their explorative stroll continues until they reach town’s square. Luhan gasps when he finds a building in a state that none of the other buildings were, looking newly build among only ruins. Light colored bricks stand distinguishably from the mosscovered sienna stones all the other houses were built with. The windows are intact and with the sun shining directly on it, a warm interior with tables and chairs is displayed.  
‘Is that a… Coffeeshop?’ Minseok asks, slightly concerned with a hint of excitement in his voice.  
‘Let’s check it out.’  
They both gaze through the window, revealing that it is indeed a coffee shop. The machinery behind the bar gets Minseok pattering his feet. They go in hesitantly, unsure whether they would find some people in this peculiar café.  
Minseok’s cautiousness disappears when he steps behind the bar, marveling at the equipment. The rummages through the cabins and emerges with a big smile on his face and coffee beans in his hand.  
Luhan takes a seat at the bar. ‘Aren’t those expired?’ To which Minseok brings the beans to Luhan’s nose and prods him to sniff. They smells like they should be, a pleasant aroma that was unmistakably his favorite black liquid.  
‘They smell fine, don’t you think? I’ll make one to test for discolorations,’ Minseok nods to himself as he finds his way behind the bar, smiling as he goes on.  
The coffee shop certainly is a fortunate discovery, but who would have left this place in this condition? The coffee is still fresh, it couldn’t have been more than six months since its previous owners left.  
Luhan is pulled out of his thoughts when Minseok nudges him, proudly showing him an apron he found lying around. He ties it behind his back and leans on the bar.  
‘Good day, sir. How may I help you today?’ He asks in a low voice.  
Luhan gives him a confused gaze, before he figures out that he’s playing pretend with him. ‘Good afternoon, sir. I just got to this town and my boss called to tell me that my business meeting is canceled due to a green alien monster that likes absorbing humans. Spare me a drink, will you?’ Luhan spoke with a horrible Southern accent.  
Minseok breaks into laugher and sputters to deliver the lines he must have rehearsed in his head.  
‘Hey, don’t laugh! I’m pretty sure we could be next!’ Luhan cracks a smile as well.  
‘Excuse me, fine gentleman! Can I advise you to take some refreshing espresso?’ Minseok flashes a deadly seductive smile to Luhan.  
‘I rather take you.’ The words slip out of Luhan’s mouth before he registers what he says. Immediately Luhan blushes red and laughs nervously.  
Minseok laughs along. ‘My, my. The coffee fumes must have already hit your head. No wonder, when you’re in the world’s best coffee shop!’ Minseok spreads his arms in grandeur, but quickly moves to attend to his coffee with glee showing all over his small body. He places the coffee in front of Luhan, revealing a little white heart on foam of his coffee.

Luhan and Minseok entertain themselves in the coffee shop for hours, making coffee and chatting. Minseok teaches Luhan how to make coffee. Luhan mentally notes that Minseok could definitely be a teacher in another life. He explains everything so easily, with a clear passion that motivates Luhan to learn the trade of coffee making himself. Sometimes Minseok’s hand brushes against Luhan’s hand, giving Luhan shivers down his spine. He wonders if the lack of human interaction is the reason for such a reaction.

When evening falls in, they explore the shop’s back space. It turns out to have a staircase leading to a living area. The living room itself is on the small size, only enough space to hold an overflowing bookshelf, a small couch and a salon table. Attached to the living room is the bedroom, thick curtains separating the two. The bathroom on the other hand is spacious, both having a separate shower cabin and large bath.

Luhan is cleaning himself in the bathroom when he hears Minseok calling for him from the bedroom. He hurries over and finds the other man lying on bed, leaning on his arms.  
‘Do you hear that, Luhan?’ He asks. His eyes are dilated. Luhan walks closer to Minseok and focuses on any unusual sounds. After a heartbeat or two, he gives up and shakes his head.  
Minseok looks confused. ‘You really can’t hear it? They are calling me, whoever ‘they’ are. I hear them calling my name, ‘Minseok, Minseokkie, where are you off to? You can still hear me, right?’ I have been hearing this voice for 10 minutes now. I’m starting to freak out.’  
Luhan sits next to Minseok on the bed and pats his thigh. He isn’t sure what to do or how to react. Minseok remains quiet. Ten minutes pass with Minseok being mentally occupied as Luhan rubs circles on his back for comfort.  
‘I think… I think it is over.’ Minseok reveals after a dreadfully long time. He grabs Luhan’s hand and stands up, pulling Luhan to stand up as well. ‘Thank you for comforting me, that was frightful.’ Minseok softly whispers. He wraps his arms around Luhan and squeezes. Luhan blushes in realization that he forgot to put on a shirt before he rushed over, but doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the slightly smaller man either. Minseok fits perfectly in his arms, Luhan finds himself thinking when his hair tickle his bare shoulders.

After Luhan returns from the bathroom to finish his cleanup, he finds Minseok hidden under the blankets with only his eyes and hair peeking out, staring at Luhan. He hops under the blankets himself and finds hands searching for his own. They lock hands and softly whispers their goodbyes and sleep tights. Luhan is not tired, yet it takes little time before he slips into unconsciousness.  
***  
The next morning arrives and Luhan wakes up in an empty bed. He stumbles sleep drunk to the bathroom to freshen up. When he exits the room, he smells a strong coffee scent coming from downstairs. He quickly puts on his shoes and jumps the stairs. He finds Minseok sitting at a table next to the window, staring out of it in deep thoughts with a mug between both hands. When he notices Luhan, he turns around and smiles warmly.  
‘Morning deer, slept well?’ Minseok’s cheeky smile replaces his warm one. It took Luhan a few seconds to realize he didn’t just call him dear, but made a joke with his Chinese name. He had expected jokes when he told him that Lu actually means deer in his native tongue, but somehow he is completely okay with this.  
‘I slept well, did you? Have you heard that voice from last night again?’  
Minseok walks over to the counter and brings Luhan a mug filled with steaming coffee. Probably prepared while he was still sleeping, but the beverage was still hot enough to know it wasn’t brewed that long ago.  
‘Nope, slept like a rose! Also, I found something to chew on this morning.’ He points to the counter where a basket filled with breakfast items sits. ‘I hope you like French breakfast.’  
‘How?’ Luhan asks.  
‘I don’t know, it was just there. Let’s enjoy it,’ Minseok answers. Luhan wants to press the question, but Minseok doesn’t look too keen on answering as he already averted his attention to the window again.

***

They remain in the abandoned city for the time being. There is no urgency to leave and both are content knowing they have a place to live in. Food is never an issue, Minseok has it covered. Or at least, Luhan presumes he does because it always appears when he isn’t looking and food can’t just appear like that. Not that Luhan ever feels the cravings, but it does not hurt to eat when it is ripe for the picking.  
It does not take long before their friendship turns into a relationship, one that neither had taken with doubt. Being with Minseok is easy, almost too easy. They fall into a routine of exploring the town, drinking coffee and playing football. It’s a comfortable life and Luhan can’t imagine how this had not been his entire life already. The way the days fall together and the comfort of freedom seems so familiar, yet so foreign too.

Luhan follows Minseok into a worn down barn they had discovered this morning. Minseok successfully broken the lock and already went inside before Luhan could protest. The barn inside is dusty and would probably have the smell of rotten wood if Luhan could smell anything. Half the ceiling had crashed and it created a beam of sunlight in the center of the barn. A huge tractor stood rusted in the corner, among hay bales, animal feed and other miscellaneous barn supplies. The picture itself has a serene touch to it, the combination of manmade and organic.  
Luhan takes a moment to appreciate the view before he worries where Minseok has hidden himself. He hears rustling in the other room that he was not aware existed. A moment later a clink and then footsteps.  
‘Minseok? Where are you?’ Luhan asks warily, walking further into the barn until he finds the open space into the other room. Before he gets the chance to take a peak, Minseok’s voice rings next to him.  
‘Boo!’  
Luhan glances right but cannot see him.  
‘Look up.’ Minseok smiles when Luhan directs his gaze to the ceiling, revealing a platform filled with more hay stacks and ropes. Minseok stands triumphantly on it with his arms crossed.  
‘How did you get there?’  
‘There is a ladder in the other room, want to join me?’ Minseok walks through the hole in the wall and Luhan follows him into the other room on ground. Minseok wobbles slightly when a plank bends from his weight on it. He points to the ladder and sits down, reaching his hand out for Luhan.  
‘I’m afraid of heights, remember? Just be careful!’ Luhan stresses. Despite his better judgment, he takes the first steps of the ladder and grabs Minseok’s hand. He pulls him up with ease and grins.  
‘Don’t worry so much. I’ll protect you.’  
Luhan keeps his hand tightly around Minseok’s as he manages to sit upright and stare down at the ground.  
‘You’re doing great. Now let’s walk.’ Minseok speaks cheerfully and within no time, Luhan is standing with both feet on the creaking planks. He drops to his feet again.  
‘I’m not doing this, these planks make too much ominous noises.’  
Minseok is not convinced, pulling Luhan up and against his chest. He slowly leads him further onto the planks to the separation of the two rooms, which is supported by the brick wall between.  
‘I was thinking what an amazing view it would be, having you on top of that hay bale over there,’ Minseok cheekily whispers against Luhan’s ear and points to a pile of hay in the middle of the platform, illuminated by rays of sunshine through the cracked ceiling.  
Luhan hits him, taken aback by his sudden perverseness. Then he kisses him, because he does like this side of Minseok.  
‘So, what do you say?’ Minseok asks after Luhan kept him occupied by his lips, one eyebrow raising suggestively.  
‘Go walk a circle on those planks and I’ll judge whether I deem them sturdy enough to hold two grown men.’  
Minseok laughs and walks to the hay bale. He jumps once to prove his point, twice and Luhan can see the plank under his feet giving way. Split unevenly and partially, one leg vanishes between it and Minseok screams. Luhan takes a step towards him, but recoils when he feels the dip of the planks himself.  
‘Are you okay?’  
Minseok is left in an awkward split while his hands leaned on the plank before him to reduce the pressure on his locked in leg. He struggles, but gives up and looks over his shoulder towards Luhan. ‘I think I’m stuck.’  
‘I’ll come to you, okay?’ Luhan says, but his feet do not obey his words. He wants to help his boyfriend, but his fear is greater.  
‘It is okay, Luhan. Just give me a moment.’ Minseok wiggles around and hits the plank with his fist. His position does not allow him to hit full force and he is left squirming. Sweat emerges on his forehead and his smile is long gone. He is starting to panic. ‘Maybe I do need your help.’  
Fueled with more bravery to rescue Minseok, Luhan lifts one leg onto the plank that has captured Minseok’s leg while still holding onto the wall behind him. ‘I’m going to try to break off the remaining part of this plank, it’ll chive up your leg though. Will that be alright?’  
‘Of course, Luhan,’ Minseok almost gasps. The plank must be restricting the circulation in his leg, because he becomes more stressed and fidgety by the moment. Luhan uses his full force on the plank and it breaks off entirely, falling with a soft thud on the ground below. Minseok barely holds onto the platform when his leg is released, but Luhan finds his way towards him and pulls him towards the wall.  
They climb down the ladder downstairs right away, Minseok moreover dropping into Luhan’s pliant arms than actually taking the steps. They drop to the floor as soon as they feel solid under their legs again. Minseok starts laughing and Luhan confusingly looks on.  
‘Why are you laughing? That was terrifying,’ he exclaims.  
Minseok jumps onto Luhan and encloses him in a hug. ‘My brave man, you overcame your fear for me.’  
‘For you, but not because of you. I think you’ve made it worse!’ Luhan refutes, but can’t help but chuckle at their mishap. He worms himself out of Minseok’s grasp and examines his wounds. On either side of his leg there is a line of splinters stuck in the fleshy redness, blood protruding from it constantly.  
‘I think it might be a venous wound, we need to treat it as fast as possible,’ Luhan notes while he rips of a long strip from his shirt. He ties it with one of the larger chunks fallen off the plank into a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Minseok remains quiet during it all, examining every move Luhan makes in a strange sense of appreciation.  
Minseok stands up when Luhan does, Luhan quickly aiding him in standing. ‘Get on my back, you can’t walk with that leg.’ Luhan lowers himself for Minseok to hop on and carefully wraps his arms around his legs.

‘You seems awfully happy for someone who just got injured. Does your leg hurt?’ Luhan says when Minseok hums another song and plays with Luhan’s ripped shirt.  
‘It’s not so bad. I’m happy you saved me.’  
‘I was the one that put you onto this, I shouldn’t have let you walk on that platform.’ Luhan confesses.  
‘Don’t say that. I was stubborn. I’m a fool for not listening better to you. Next time I’ll listen to my hannie,’ the last part is said in mockery. ‘and in all honesty, I wished upon this to happen. I am surprised it actually came true though.’  
‘What?’  
‘Sometimes our lives seem to perfect, nothing ever happens. Now I got to see you in a whole other light. First frightened, then brave, then caring. I don’t mind paying a price to see all your sides. My handsome Prince.’ He almost sounds intoxicated.  
‘You’re such a cheeseball.’ Luhan laughs, but a sense of something more catches up on him and he quiets down. Minseok’s previous words were too weird, almost morbid compared to the happy-go-lucky guy he has been.

 

Once home, Luhan helps Minseok walk the stairs and searches for the first aid kit. Minseok lies on the sofa when Luhan returns with the kit and he marbles through it in search of the right supplies. Only when he returns to Minseok, he notices that the older had fallen asleep.  
He doesn’t wake up when Luhan pulls out the splinters nor when he rinses the wound. It strikes him as odd that no reaction comes, given the deep cut and the biting Iodine solution. Luhan shrugs it off and carries him to the bedroom.  
‘Is it already done?’ Luhan almost jumps when he hears Minseok talk. He is looking at him, sleepy but simpering.  
‘Yes, go to sleep, Minseok.’ To which Minseok closes his eyes again and drifts off.

 

It’s late at night and Minseok is reading a book on the sofa in the living room. Luhan had pretended to be reading as well, but eventually got bored and made the decision to stalk Minseok instead.  
Luhan uses his book as a cover to stealthily steal glances at the older across the room.  
His lips are pursed as his eyes scroll over the letters on the pages. Sometimes he lets out a small sigh.  
Luhan slowly lowers himself off the chair and hides behind the small saloon table. He remains there for a minute to think of a new strategy before he crawls on all four towards the sofa. Minseok’s face is hidden behind the book now.  
Only two more crawling steps before he-  
‘Luhan, why are you crawling across the floor like a lost kitten?’ This time it’s Minseok that uses his book for cover, displaying only his eyes and one eyebrow arched upwards.  
‘Oh no, mayday! Mayday! I have been discovered. Troops retreat, reform in the bathroom, fast!’ Luhan jumps up and runs to the bathroom before shutting and locking it.

Two minutes later, Luhan reappears with a green towel over his head and a thick stripe of eyeliner on his cheekbones.  
‘You’re being a bit weird today, Luhan. Did I put too much sugar in your coffee?’ Minseok asks without glancing up from his book.  
Luhan drops himself to the floor and crawls once again towards Minseok as quiet as possible. He can hear Minseok sigh and chuckle behind his book.  
This time, he doesn’t look up from his book and lets Luhan proceed his stealth-mission.  
With one swell swoop, Luhan prompts himself on Minseok’s lap and snatches the book from his hand.  
Minseok smiles widely. He tries to put on a ‘what has gotten into you?’ face, but as soon as he tries he breaks out into laughter. ‘I assume you’re done reading. Is that why I’m not allowed to enjoy my book?’ He strokes Luhan’s thighs that are spread around his own.  
‘I thought we could spend this evening a little better than that. Can we not?’  
‘Hmm. Only because you put on such a great show for me,’ Minseok answers and pulls on the towel to bring Luhan’s face in close, his lips easily finding his. Sweet pecks turn into desire-filled kisses in mere moments.  
‘Let’s not hold back this time,’ Luhan whispers in Minseok’s ear as his hands find the rim of his jeans. Minseok hums into Luhan’s skin as he continues to place wet kisses across his neck, one hand in his neck while the other plays with his nipples.

Their clothes easily come undone in the heat of the moment, and before long, they’re lying naked against each other on the cramped couch whispering sweet words.  
‘How do you get such a fair skin, Minseok? So smooth. All mine too.’ Luhan compliments as he drags his lips across Minseok’s chest. He continues to worship his body, mapping every inch of skin with his fingers and tongue.  
‘You know, even though I expected something else when you said ‘let’s not hold back this time’, I can’t complain about this either,’ Minseok chuckles. His eyes find Luhan’s and the adoration they emit is almost palpable.  
‘Shut up. You’re just so perfect, I want to treasure you forever.’  
‘Ugh, so cheesy. You’re probably just afraid, are you a virgin, Luhan?’  
Luhan pouts and sits up. ‘Fine. Rock my world, Minseok,’ he answers in a low voice. Before he knows it, Minseok grabs his hand and guides him to the bed room.

Once situated on the bed, Minseok doesn’t hesitate to take control. He fits himself between Luhan’s legs and kisses his inner thighs, sometimes nibbling on the sensitive skin. Luhan whines and moves his hand to his dick, really needing some attention there, but Minseok pushes his hands away. Instead, he kitten licks the tip. He gives Luhan a defiant smile before he captures it all in his mouth, sucking lightly. Luhan moans and absently grabs Minseok’s hair, tightening his grip on it as Minseok continues.

‘Does it feel good, Luhan? Tell me about it,’ Minseok asks in between.  
Luhan nods in reply, too caught up in the feelings to want to reply, ‘it feels heavenly.’  
Minseok smiles at that. ‘Do you want to come like this?’  
Luhan takes a moment to consider. It does feel very nice, but with the way Minseok looks at him he knows he has more in store for him. He shakes his head.  
Again a smile. Minseok surprises him when he put three fingers in his own mouth, removing them with a thick layer of saliva on them. His lips place a trail of kisses on his thighs once again, before he glances up at Luhan with uncertainty. ‘Can I?’ He shows his fingers as if to emphasize his point.  
‘Please. I want to feel you inside of me.’ Luhan braces himself for the initial touch, an intrusive feeling that couldn’t be considered comfortable. Minseok is gentle with his first finger, taking his time stretching him and registering every movement or expression Luhan makes. At some point Luhan spurs him on to add another. It’s not long before Minseok has stretched him open with three fingers and the need to feel more arises.  
Minseok removes his fingers and moves his body back up on Luhan, firstly capturing his lips into another kiss. After a small fixation in angles, he’s aligned with Luhan’s body and presses in.  
It takes a moment to find their rhythm, but when they do it is Luhan to break the silence with throaty moans and gasps.  
‘So good,’ he moans when Minseok finds the right spot in him. It doesn’t take long before his orgasm peaks, with Minseok following right after.

Minseok collapses next to him on bed, his breathing loud but a smile on his face. He’s looking at Luhan, eyes still blown and hooded from the aftermath.  
‘I don’t ever want to lose you, Luhan.’  
Luhan turns his head to him and notices his expression change into something more like concern.  
‘I don’t want to lose you either.’ He finds Minseok’s hand and rubs it with his thumb. ‘We’re fine, aren’t we?’  
His eyes are downcast and he takes a moment to answer. ‘We’re cool. It’s just…’ he glances at Luhan, contemplating his words, ‘never mind. I’m just being silly.’  
‘Are you sure? You sound worried.’  
Minseok inches his head closer. ‘It’s nothing, Luhan. You’ll always come find me when I’m lost, right?’ He kisses Luhan before he leaves the bed, giving Luhan no time to answer when he walks out of the door.

 

‘Goal!’ Minseok screams happily and runs a circle around Luhan, who stands defeated with his arms on his hips.  
‘That was actually a nice shot, I’ll give you that.’ Luhan eventually admits and drops himself on the ground. He lies sprained atop the dewy grass when Minseok jumps on top of him. Luhan grunts by the sudden added weight on his body. In response, Minseok laughs and places his head on top of the latter’s chest.  
Ragged breathing from the intense football match turns into a peaceful silence, both of them lying perfectly fine on top of each other.

‘Do you ever feel like we’re not supposed to be here?’ Minseok suddenly whispers after minutes of silence.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I mean. We don’t really belong here, do we? This, this world. It is not ours. Things just don’t make sense, do they?’  
Luhan laughs. ‘I think you’re the one who isn’t making any sense at the moment.’ He combs his fingers through his hair, but retracts them immediately when he feels how wet with sweat it is.  
‘I’m serious, Luhan. It’s weird that there is not a living soul out here besides us,’ Minseok sits up and stares at him.  
‘I’m sorry,’ Luhan says and sits up as well, reaching out to kiss him. ‘Are you homesick? We can travel to a new town, if you want.’  
Minseok shakes his head and remains quiet for a while as he stares at the grass.

‘Would you be content living this way forever?’ He startles Luhan when he speaks again.  
‘Absolutely,’ Luhan replies firmly. Minseok doesn’t seem too excited about the answer, but he nods and leaves Luhan sitting by himself on the grass. If anything, he looks beaten or disappointed. Perhaps he is really missing contact with other people.

When Luhan awakes in the morning, he lies in a cold bed. That on itself was nothing new, Minseok had always been up early. However, one trip downstairs and standing in an empty coffeeshop is definitely new. There is not even a morning coffee prepared and on the counter, ready for Luhan’s consumption. It was a habit that Minseok had picked up the day they moved it, so it seems unlikely he had just forgotten.  
Minseok has been behaving strangely distant lately. Luhan cannot remember what day or month it is, he never did, but his behaviour has been going on for at least a few days. He seems more restless, talking less, yet he’s more physical with Luhan. He’s next to him constantly, holding hands, hugging, kisses. It’s like he’s afraid to let him walk free, as if Luhan would leave him.

Minseok returns to the shop after two hours, finding Luhan in a state of despair on the window sill outside the shop. Immediately Luhan runs up to him and embraces him in his arms.  
‘Don’t do that anymore!’ Luhan whines. He wants to continue and go off on a rant how he should have left a note or communicated beforehand, but he doesn’t when he sees the exhaustion on the other’s face.  
‘What’s wrong, Minseok?’  
‘Nothing, just tired,’ he brushes him off and struggles to free himself from Luhan’s grasp. He doesn’t even hug back. Luhan reluctantly let go, feeling rejected and embarrassed.  
‘Shall I make you some coffee?’ Minseok suggests over his shoulder as he walks through the entrance of the shop, as if he didn’t just break Luhan’s heart.  
Minseok is already busying himself when Luhan follows him back inside. Luhan seats himself on the barstools, eyeing Minseok as he thought about how to tackle the situation.  
‘Is everything okay?’ He ends up saying, deciding to stay as vague and open as possible.  
Minseok mumbles something, not taking his eyes off his work. He finishes making them a coffee and sits on the stool next to Luhan, handing him his coffee. He doesn’t say anything, he only stares at his drink absentmindedly.  
‘Would you like to leave the town and find something new?’ Luhan suggest, placing a firm hand on Minseok’s leg to get his attention. He returns the gesture, to much relief to Luhan, gripping a little more tightly.  
‘I’m doubtful whether we will find something new. Therefore, no, I rather stay here.’  
‘How can you say that? There is so much left to explore, we have the whole world in front of us! I understand you want to stay here, where we have established a stable life and home, but we can’t continue to live in a desolate place like this, can we?’ Luhan pleads. He wouldn’t want to leave their home either, but he’s excited to explore new places, meet new people and try new foods. Maybe it would make Minseok back to his cheery old self as well.  
‘You know, Luhan, even if I would stay firm and disagree, the moment you walk out of that door,’ Minseok points to the entrance of the shop, ‘I would not hesitate to chase you. If you really want this, I will join you.’  
Luhan gasps. He hadn’t expected it to go this easily. He jumps up from his chair and hugs Minseok. He feels the latter comply and ease in his grasp, letting out a long sigh as if he’d been holding his breath the whole time.

A few days later, with backpacks filled with food and useful tools, they venture out.  
‘Goodbye, delicious coffee,’ Minseok pouts as he locks the door of the coffee shop, possibly for good. They decide to go south, exploring the lower parts of the area before tracking the hills on the horizon.

Time seems to pass slower as they travel, behind every hill they reach the scene remains the same. Only green plains as far as the eye can see. Minseok is quiet and reserved with a probability of contemplation whether he wants to scold Luhan or himself for the decision they made. It gets worse over time, his easy going temperament seems to fade by disappointment. It pushes Luhan to walk faster, wanting so desperately to find something else.  
‘Just a little bit further, okay?’ Luhan convinces Minseok time after time, but Luhan is starting to lose hope as well. They’re too far from home to return now. How was it possible that we found the village when they first went searching for one so easily? It almost cannot be a coincidence.

It’s another morning where they have set camp the night before. They didn’t have shelter, hadn’t have it since they started their adventure. The weather always stayed the same, so there was not a point they really needed it. Blue skies during the day and almost pitch black nights, it was starting to become predictable.  
Luhan turns around in his sleeping bag to face Minseok. He is still asleep, but not at ease. He had rid himself of the tight sleeping bag, only his legs are still covered. His face is pinched and his hands are balled into fists. Sometimes he shakes his head slightly or twitching his arm. His eyes suddenly pop open and he takes a deep gasp. Luhan watches on as he sees the older close his eyes again and regulate his breathing until he is calmed down. He then faces Luhan, giving a small smile.  
‘Had a nightmare?’ Luhan asks as he unzips his sleeping bag and beckons Minseok to join his. The closeness was nice, but unbearable when trying to sleep, therefore they only did that before or after sleeping. Minseok joins and wraps his arms around him, as there is no other place to place them either how, cuddling him close and nodding.  
‘Want to talk about it?’  
Minseok shakes his head against Luhan.  
‘Fine,’ Luhan replies and gives in to the warmth of the other, falling asleep a minute later.

When Luhan wakes up again, he’s still in Minseok’s arms. He’s looking at him with a fond twinkling in his eyes. For a moment he seems to be snapped out of his depressive state, back to the Minseok that played football with him and brewed him coffee with a proud smile on his face.  
‘I think, maybe we should return to our home,’ Luhan whispers, almost afraid he would ruin Minseok’s mood. Instead, Minseok nods and kisses his forehead. He mumbles a few words, but Luhan cannot hear them.

The travel back seems even more endless than the journey they started. They traced back the path they took, but it becomes apparent that they must have taken a wrong turn. As they walk on, the scenery changes. Dark clouds fill the sky and the meadows change into swamps.  
Regardless of the shift of events, Minseok has been quiet and contemplating again, simmering in his own thoughts as he occasionally steals a glance at Luhan. Above all, he seems worried.  
They march through the thick, muddy pools until they reach a dry patch of land and set camp.

‘Luhan?’ Minseok breaks the silence once the bonfire is lit and he sits back on the fallen tree Luhan sits on as well.  
‘What?’ Luhan looks at him. He looks tired, suddenly looking a lot older. His hair rests flat on his face and his skin glistens with sweat. Luhan reaches out to take him in his arms, but Minseok dodges and grabs his hand, intertwining their fingers together as it comes to rest on his lap.  
Minseok sighs.  
‘Are you alright? I wish you would talk to me,’ Luhan starts.  
‘It’s… Luhan, do you still not believe something is wrong here?’  
Luhan raises an eyebrow.  
‘You still don’t, do you?’ Minseok asks, slight irritation noticeable in his voice.  
‘Of course there is something wrong, how can we not find anything? We’re completely lost.’  
Minseok stands up abruptly, biting his tongue. He turns to Luhan.  
‘Why are you still not getting it? This whole world isn’t real! That’s why we can’t find anything, because this place doesn’t exist!’ Minseok snaps.  
Luhan is taken aback by his sudden outburst, but recovers quickly, ‘What are you talking about? I know you’re angry because I convinced you to go on this journey and now we’re lost and we might never find our way back to our home, but I am so sick of your constant brooding and talking about things not making sense.’  
‘I’m not angry about that!’ Minseok yells and his voice breaks, ‘I’m angry that we’re both stuck in a world that doesn’t exist. Yes, I am angry with you but only because we’re stuck since you don’t realize this isn’t real! Look around you, why have we not encountered a single animal in those nurtured, almost ideal, landscape we walked through for God knows how long? Why does food always appear to us when we think about food? How do you think we found a coffee shop in brand new condition in an abandoned village?  
‘It’s because we will our minds to create it. There is a way out, into the real world. I have seen it.’ Minseok finishes sternly, but with a softer voice.  
Luhan takes a moment to assess the information. Minseok rambled on, making not that much sense to start with, but how could everything be fake? He places his hand on the tree he sits on, trailing the crevasses of it. It feels real enough. He can’t explain why they always have a food supply, one that contains of processed foods as well, but how he never finds the source of them. The coffee shop could be dumb luck. He still felt a breeze of air every once in a while, so wasn’t that proof that this was real? If they were dead, he wouldn’t feel that. Were they dead?  
‘Luhan?’ Minseok asks, almost a whisper from his previous loud voice. He squats in front of him, finding his eyes.  
‘I… I don’t know,’ Luhan says defeated. He really can’t make sense of anything right now. Is Minseok real? Is he part of his imagination as well? The way heat emits from his hands onto his knees where he has currently placed them feels real enough. ‘I need time to make sense of this,’ Luhan finishes.  
‘That’s alright, sweetheart. I am here for you. Go rest, I’ll make us dinner,’ Minseok comforts him, resorting back to his nurturing side in favor of comforting Luhan. It is endearing, but Luhan cannot just let that outburst of him slip through his fingers. He never yelled, so this must be important enough for him to discuss it. Luhan thinks about Minseok not liking him anymore, but it seems too improbable. He just wants more human contact, more friends to talk to or more new experiences.  
‘You’re tired. Let me help you,’ Luhan concludes. Luhan grills some meat over the fire while Minseok washes the berries they found earlier. He can’t remember how they did, neither did he know about it all the previous times. He never questioned it, Minseok was the one that took care of it, and he was content that way. Not anymore. His mind a whirlwind of information and past events that suddenly don’t make any sense anymore.

They eat in silence. Luhan can feel Minseok’s glances on him, can see his mouth sometimes hanging open as if to say something, but always deciding not to. When they lie on their make shift beds of leaves under an unstable structure of branches and twigs, Luhan speaks up.  
‘How long have you been knowing this… This place is not real?’ Luhan asks. He’s still not comfortable speaking about this place as something fake. He wants to believe Minseok, but what if he is the confused one. Maybe he has lost his mind like the way they lost their way.  
‘Remember that first night in the coffee shop, when I heard someone calling for me?’  
Luhan nods.  
‘It wasn’t the last time I heard it. The voice kept returning, I’ve been hearing it on a daily basis. Somewhere between those voices and all the little things that didn’t make sense to me, I came to realize it.’  
‘And yet you never told me?’  
‘Would you have believed me back then, the way you do not believe me now? I wanted to tell you, but something withheld me. The way we lived, our comfortable domestic life, I wasn’t sure if I could give that up.’  
‘But you did give it up. You gave that up to go on this journey with me, to find something that is apparently not there. We also could have not gone, if you wanted to stay. Why did you agree anyway?’  
Minseok sighs. ‘I realized that it doesn’t matter where I am, as long as I’m with you I’m happy. I enjoyed every single moment with you here. It’s weird to say, but I truly consider you my soul mate and not just because you’re the only other person in here.’  
‘Last time I heard the voices, I felt myself slipping away from this world. I focused on them and it was like I had become transparent, my hands flew through objects like I was a ghost. My vision darkened. And-’ Minseok paused for a moment to collect his calm. ‘And for a moment I saw a blurred outline of a man. I think I know the man, I am convinced he is someone dear to me, waiting for me to wake up.’  
Luhan swallows the information without saying a word.  
‘That is our way out, but it won’t work if you still believe all this to be true.’ Minseok’s hands cup his face and he presses his lips against his forehead. ‘Do you trust me?’ he whispers against it.  
Luhan replies with yes, with an unstable voice as he fights against the lump in his throat. Minseok cuddles closer to him, pressing their bodies together as he leaves small kisses over Luhan’s face.

‘Minseok? You won’t leave me tonight, will you?’ Luhan whispers after Minseok stops his kisses and his body relaxes against his. He is probably asleep.  
‘Never, I’ll never leave you,’ Minseok croaks out tiredly before he falls into slumber.

____________________________________________

A subtle, constant beeping intensified as Luhan regained consciousness and opened his eyes to a white ceiling. Before he had time to drag his body upright, a woman in a light blue garment appears to his left. Although his mind was still fuzzy, he recognizes her as a nurse. So he was in a hospital. What happened again? As she performed various tasks, including filing in on the new nurses entering the room, Luhan slipped back into unconsciousness.  
The next time he regained himself, he came face to face with a nurse.  
‘Can you hear me? Please say a word or nod your head if you do,’ one of them said.  
Luhan complied with a nod.  
The nurse acknowledged his nod and talked him through the procedures done on him and what had happened. He checked out healthy on the thorough health check, just needed to check his reflexes and conscious state after he was more awake. He had been in a coma for three weeks, after being involved in a car accident. His mind flashed back to the occurrence, but all he remembered was the feeling of warm liquid dripping down his face, smoke surrounding him and his fixated gaze on an pole only a meter away, scraps of metal in between.  
‘Are you okay?’ The nurse placed a hand on his shoulder. Luhan was not sure what to answer. Instead, she tried to comfort him by the love he received from the friends that came to visit him while he was away. The distress he had caused his friends only worried him more.

In the afternoon, Luhan got his neurological assessment. His level of consciousness and mentation, cranial nerves, movement, sensation, cerebellar function, and reflexes all checked out fine. While he had suffered a head injury during the car accident, it didn’t give him lasting damage and the wound had been healing well while he was out cold.  
He was dismissed from the hospital three days later, his friend Yixing already waiting for him outside. He was Luhan’s closest friend. They met during college and never stopped meeting up afterwards. Yixing enclosed him in an embrace, holding on for too long and rubbing his fingers on Luhan’s back.  
‘It’s so nice to see you walking again, Luhan. I was so worried.’ He smiled, tears appearing in his eyes. Nobody was allowed to see Luhan after he awoken, except for his parents, and that clearly had not sit well for Yixing.  
‘Are you really crying? You’re too much, I’ve only been gone for three weeks!’ Luhan joked.  
Yixing shot him a glance. ‘The three most worrisome weeks of my life! I visited you every day, making sure the cards you received were read to you, to open the window for fresh air.’  
‘You’re a real doll, Yixing. Thank you very much,’ Luhan expressed, feeling lighthearted from the kind words of his friend.  
Yixing guided Luhan to his car, his arm on his shoulder to keep him from falling. Walking after lying still for so long felt weird, his muscles weakened from the rest. He had practiced in the hospital already, so he didn’t really need to guidance. However, it did feel assuring and there is no way talking this out of Yixing’s mind anyway.

Back at the apartment, Yixing dragged a big case of luggage with him.  
‘I am keeping an eye on you, don’t try to stop me.’ Luhan snorted and accepted it easily. They used to share a room in dormitories together, so he knew Yixing was a pleasant housemate. Yixing would not forgive himself if he let something happen to Luhan, even at work he would text Luhan. Not only that, he also prepared a USB filled with series and movies once said he wanted to watch, but never did because he didn’t take the time for them. Now he had plenty of time while he recovered, even more because Yixing cooked or brought take-away food every evening.

 

Over the weekend, his other friends came over and celebrate Luhan’s ‘awakening’ with liquor for themselves and bags of tea for him. To Luhan, it was an odd feeling. It felt as if he had just seen them yesterday, yet their unnecessary clinginess and attention would suggest otherwise. Just like Yixing, it was like they were afraid he would vanish into thin air if his existence was not confirmed every five minutes. There wasn’t a single moment when there isn’t an arm resting on his shoulder. Granted, that was still mostly Yixing doing that. Whether it was the constant petting or the laughter filling his house, he was missed in that small period of time.

The rest of the evening was filled with cheers and laughter. After everyone left, with the exception of Yixing who drowsily sat on the couch, Luhan dragged himself off his chair and picked up the mess left behind by his noisy friends. Even if Luhan was happy the entire evening, something felt amiss. Now that silence took over the once filled room, Luhan couldn’t help but let his thoughts linger on his fleeting happiness. A sudden feeling of loneliness overtook him, an inexplicable emptiness as if he missed someone but cannot recall who.  
After a tedious hour of cleaning dirty cups and scrubbing the floor to remove the beerstains and trampled crisps, which his friends had offered to clean for him but he declined, Luhan finally dropped himself on the couch next to a sleeping Yixing. There is no reason to feel lonely, he thought as he looked at his best friend. He joined him on the couch and threw a blanket over them both.

 

Luhan shot up with sweat dripping from his forehead. He was sleeping soundly until a sudden thought burst his dream, sending him straight back to reality. He found himself in his living room, on the couch with Yixing sleeping soundly next to him, his legs resting on Luhan’s lap.  
He remembered. He remembered his whole experience when he was in a coma. The green landscape he woke up in and the man he had become so close with over these weeks of entrapment. Before tonight, he hadn’t even known what he had dreamed or felt when he was unconscious.  
‘Yixing, Yixing. Wake up!’ Luhan shook him.  
Yixing complied slowly, his eyes barely open as he mumbled and grabbed his head in an attempt to stable himself. ‘What time is it?’  
‘Oh. Uhh… 5 am?’  
Yixing sighed and dropped his head on the armrest of the couch.  
‘That’s not why I woke you up. I remember everything!’  
This time, his reaction is a bit more animate. He shot up after noticing Luhan’s frantic movement. ‘What?’  
‘I just. I know what I experienced, or dreamed, the whole time I have been in a coma.’  
Yixing glared at him, confused. ‘Is that possible?’ He asked. Before Luhan could answer, he stood up and muttered something about coffee and why Luhan couldn’t wait with remembering these things three hours later. Thus, Luhan prepared coffee for them both before continuing. Once settled back in the couch, he recounted everything that he remembered.

‘This guy seemed to have really shook up your days there, I never heard you so in love before. But, you don’t know him in real life? What if he doesn’t exist? It was only a dream, right?’  
Luhan sighed. ‘I know, but he felt so… Real. He must exist. And I’m going to find him.’  
‘Would you really go that far for someone you never met?’ Yixing asked cautiously. ‘How are you even going to find him? Didn’t you tell me he was Korean? How are you going to find him if he doesn’t even live in China, and even if you found him, you’re going to speak Korean with him? Last time I checked, you couldn’t even answer when that waiter at the Korean restaurant greeted you in Korean.’  
Yixing was right and Luhan hated it. While his honesty was appreciated, now it was only kicking Luhan down. What does he know about their relationship anyway, about all the nights they spent talking to each other, the coffees they shared, the laughter they drew from each other. Luhan bit his tongue for thinking such way, but he wants to prove Yixing wrong.  
‘I’m sorry, Lu.’ Yixing stroke his back before standing up. ‘Just think about it some more, will you? I’m going to find my bed now.’ He walke away with one last sympathetic look shot at Luhan.

 

Luhan thought about his words, a lot. He started searching for the man named Kim Minseok the same day, but he after weeks he had yet to succeed. It kept him up all night, replaying the memories of the man. Would this man really exist and does it explain why he had dreamed of him so vividly? Every person that is fabricated in a dream is a face and body that the brain has once registered, so that meant the man should exist by those standards. Yet, was it really a dream or something more complex than that?

A month of bickering had left Yixing redundantly supporting his friend, apprehensively helping him with searching as well. Luhan was aware of his worries, since Yixing had often declared them. Luhan did not blame him for that, he felt himself acting differently because of it too. And what if he really didn’t exist, could he accept that? He prided himself for being an achiever, once he set a goal he would make it reality, but now that goal might not be feasible. His worries decreased when Luhan returned to work after 6 weeks of recovery, resuming his steady 9 to 5 office days. Since then, Luhan ceased to share his activities with his friend. He never told him he started learning the Korean language, nor did he mention that he spends every evening calling hospitals across Korea.

 

Weeks turned into months, until he found a hospital that had been nursing a certain Kim Minseok, who had also happened to be in a coma the same time as Luhan and also was within target age. Last time he had gotten as far as to get a phone number from a doctor involving Kim Minseok, it turned out it was a man in his seventies. That phone call turned out awkward real fast. The doctor’s assistant was persistent in keeping patients’ information confidential, but after various attempts of pleas and crying, Luhan was able to gather a home address located in Seoul. More questions popped up in his mind. How did this man appear in my comatose dream? Did this man have the same dreams as Luhan had? Would he even recognize Luhan? Were they telepathically connected, could that be an answer? What if the man was someone else and he had wasted all this time? He decided then that this would be his last shot, if it was a dead end he would quit and try to forget.

 

Skip another three months and Luhan was settled in his tiny apartment in Seoul. Connections from his work in China had made it possible to transfer to a sister company, located in the heart of Seoul. It was all surprisingly easy, finding an apartment and settling in his new job in only two months’ time. Adapting to his new life was a different matter, struggling with the language and the loneliness of not having friends nearby. Yixing called every two days. He had been surprisingly calm under the circumstances. Luhan suspected he had known all along what Luhan was plotting, but chose to remain quiet as Luhan never brought it up.

Today is the day, Luhan thought as he stood in front of an apartment complex. It was the very one that the hospital had provided, saying it was the address of Kim Minseok. For two weeks he had been mentally preparing himself, ‘casually’ strolling past in hopes of everything or nothing. It was silly, but he thought that maybe he could have avoided ringing the bell. By some accident, he would walk past and Minseok would step out of the door at that same moment. They make eye contact, gasp and collide into a hug. Maybe he should have watched variety shows to improve his language, instead of Korean romance dramas…  
Standing in front of the row of doorbells put his stomach in a twist. He read the name next to one, Kim Minseok, and felt a shiver down his spine. His hand shook as he pressed the doorbell.  
‘Wassup!’ A voice crackled through the small loudspeaker next to the door.  
‘Hello? I’m… I’m looking for Mister Kim Minseok, does he live here?’ Luhan choked on his own spit. Keep it together, Luhan!  
‘He certainly does! Who am I speaking with? He didn’t mention any visitors dropping by tonight,’ the voice answered, his tone light and cheerful.  
‘No, no, no. I came unannounced, I apologize. I can’t really explain it properly in such a small notice, but Minseok knows me from nine months back. Can we please talk in person?’ He stuttered through the conversation. It was a good thing this intercom did not have a camera, because he could feel his cheeks burning from embarrassment.  
‘Just a sec!’ The door opened with a buzz. Luhan stepped in and hurriedly ran the stairs. Running was a great way to forget it was about to get awkward, certainly since there is at least one person. Did he have a brother? They never talked about such things. Heck, they never talked about things of the real world. It always stayed at hobbies and personality, not about the very basic things like studies, work, family. Whatever, as long as Minseok remembers him, that is good enough. Even just as a vague memory, something to bind them together again.

When he arrived on the fifth floor, a stranger to whom he assumed was the person that belonged to the voice he just spoke to waited for him. His smile comfortable and genuine, soothing Luhan’s anxiety the slightest.  
‘Hey,’ He greeted, stretching his hand out and lowering his head.  
Luhan accepted the hand and mimicked the man’s movements. ‘Sorry, I don’t think I mentioned my name earlier. My name is Luhan. You’re the one who I spoke to on the intercom, right?’  
The stranger nodded. ‘Call me Jongdae, please. Come on in! You know about Minseok’s condition, right?’ Jongdae took Luhan’s coat in the meanwhile. Luhan couldn’t comprehend the question, but was too caught up in the moment to ask about it. Before he had a chance to recover, Jongdae guided him into the small apartment.

The living room was a combination of white walls and beige tinted furniture, lit by warm lights and candles. A variety of plants and artwork were spread around the room. His eyes locked on the man sitting on the connected lounge-sofa, his face as perplexed as Luhan’s probably was too. The man had his legs covered by a blanket and a bowl of popcorn between his blanket covered crossed legs.  
‘Hey… Minseok,’ Luhan croaked, his voice completely failing him. He still stood awkwardly at the entrance and Minseok didn’t make an attempt of moving either. Only Jongdae hovered around warily, staring at the two frozen in time. Luhan snapped out of it first, averting his eyes.  
‘Are you guys okay?’ Jongdae asked in disbelief, chuckling from the sheer awkward vibe that spread through the room like a virus.  
Minseok nodded and stood up this time, placing the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and walking towards Luhan hesitantly. His eyes were huge. He must recognize Luhan, if that was a good thing or not didn’t become clear in that instant though.  
‘Minseok,’ Luhan said again when Minseok stood in front of him, eyes not on Luhan. His hand reached out and Luhan automatically intertwined their fingers together. ‘I found you.’  
Minseok blushed, but then subtracted his hand and ran into the kitchen.  
Luhan stood dumbfounded. Did this just happen?

Minseok returned with his arms linked with Jongdae’s. A cold sweat broke out at the thought of them being in a relationship. God, he would be such an idiot.  
‘Can I get you a drink, Luhan?’ Jongdae asked, Minseok eyeing him.  
With his mouth dry, Luhan instead nodded. He flitted his wrist at the question what he wanted, anything would do. Minseok prodded Jongdae’s side and let go of him, pointing Luhan towards the couch and taking a seat where he previously sat. He hadn’t spoken a word yet, what was up with that.

Luhan sat at the furthest end of the sofa, feeling foreign and frightened he might have stirred something in their household. They waited while Jongdae was preparing drinks, so Luhan looked around to pretend he was cool and relaxed. The apartment held a lot of shelves, either filled with books, small decorations, flowers and pictures. The few pictures in range of Luhan’s eyesight showed various people, one of Jongdae and Minseok in what seemed to be a mountainous area. Another one was a family portrait of a much younger Minseok and a man and woman, presumably his parents.  
‘You have a nice apartment,’ is the first thing that popped out of Luhan’s mouth after he had lost his tongue a good two minutes after sitting down and being consumed by the awkward silence. He felt lucky for having that phrase remembered in Korean, as his brain is putty right now and unable to cope with another language on top of it all.  
Minseok nodded, but made no remark. His eyes flitted to the kitchen, as if he was not allowed to talk without Jongdae by his side. It was starting to become frustrating how Luhan was given the silent treatment.  
Luckily, Jongdae came back soon after, a latte in tow for Luhan.  
‘Is this okay? Minseok said I should make you one.’ He glanced at the two, grinning and taking a seat in between the big gap they kept open between them.  
‘Thank you. I like lattes, Minseok remembered well.’ He nodded his thanks to either.

‘So…’ Jongdae’s voice filled the room with a hint of hesitation. When Luhan looked up at him, he saw his eyes dart between Luhan and Minseok. Minseok shot Jongdae glances as well, his mouth opening slightly every few seconds as if trying to hold himself from speaking.  
‘I didn’t know Minseok had another Chinese friend.’ He laughed a bit awkwardly.  
Luhan scratched his head and doubted for a moment to speak. ‘Well, you see. We’re not really friends? I mean, we have never met in real life.’ He picked up the pace in his last sentence, spotting Jongdae’s frown and quick glance to Minseok. ‘I just had to find you, after I woke up from my coma. I remembered you and our time together felt like it was not just an illusion, you know what I mean, right, Minseok?’ Luhan rambled.  
Minseok’s eyes had widened again, his head nodding. On the other side, Jongdae looked completely lost, exchanging looks to both Minseok and Luhan.  
‘Look, I called every hospital I could find in the hopes of finding you.’ Luhan looked at Minseok. It took a moment before he realized the bluntness of his words. ‘I mean.’ He composed himself. ‘I’m sorry if that sounds really creepy, I know it does.’ The boy’s eyebrow raised and it reminded Luhan of his dreams, whenever he would say something weird the boy would have that exact reaction. ‘But I just. I just felt that we had a connection. Even if it was just a hallucination, I wanted to know whether the person I found in my dreams was a living person. Whether you’ve been through the same dream I’ve been in and if you felt that same connection. Did you?’  
This was about time Minseok would laugh and slap his hand on Luhan’s shoulder, comforting him from his awkwardness and joking about it to ease the tension. Alas, if they were still in a coma. Instead, he moved his mouth again, but not fabricating any sound.  
‘Please, why won’t you talk to me?’ Luhan started feeling frustrated, even more so when it was Jongdae who spoke up after that.

‘Before you go off on another rant like that, I don’t think you know about Minseok’s condition, do you?’ He shot a glance at Minseok before continuing, ‘Minseok is not able to speak, or write for that matter. After he awoke from his coma, he was diagnosed with acute aphasia. The accident he was in caused damage in the cognitive part of his brain, leaving him mute. He only spoke a few words so far, but he can’t really speak his mind. I’m sorry if this is not how you expected it to be.’  
Luhan took in the information slowly, feeling as stunned as he did when he first saw the man.  
It was not something he had put into equation. And if Minseok couldn’t speak, how would he get his answers?  
Averting his gaze back to Minseok, the man smiled weakly.  
‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Minseok, Jongdae. Will he, you, recover?’  
‘He will, he will! He is currently involved in speech-therapy with a neurologist. They say it can take up to two years for him to regain his full speech, but the doctors are positive about his recovery.’ Minseok nodded thoughtfully to Jongdae’s words. Again he looked at Luhan, piercing brown eyes meeting his own. He briefly wondered what kind of accident Minseok was in. He didn’t know the man at all, despite having shared a long time in a comadream with him. What kind of job did he before the accident, is he back at work already? Can he even work with this condition? So many questions popped in his mind, but he did not know how to even ask one of them.  
Jongdae’s (un)subtle coughing tore him from his train of thoughts.  
‘Anyway, don’t let it restrain you from any questions you have. I think we-’ Minseok nudged Jongdae, ‘I mean, Minseok, has a lot of questions for you. But I’m also very curious, of course.’ He added with a smile.  
Luhan swallowed and thought what was the most pressing question he had at this moment. He wanted to ask how he experienced the dream, if he felt as in love with him as Luhan felt for him. Maybe, it was a bit too early to be asking those questions. And with Jongdae here, it would be even worse if it was his boyfriend and Luhan just blatantly confessed his love to the man who he did not even know outside a silly dream.  
‘Well. I think I already have one answer, and that is that you remember me. I have many questions, but I want to get to know you. Again. I think we skipped a few details while we were out cold. Tell me about yourself?’ He asked, first looking at Minseok and then passing to Jongdae for the answers.  
Jongdae cleared the simple things about him. A stroke had put Minseok in a coma, which was very uncommon for someone his age. It has not been diagnosed what caused the stroke, but Minseok still visited the hospital for further research. Before that, Minseok worked for a big company as personal assistant. He rose from his job at I.T. worker, where he had already graduated in. He was indeed still the same age as mentioned in the dream, a month older than Minseok with age 25. Luckily, Jongdae himself mentioned they had been friends since high school and considered each other family, thus Luhan avoided having to ask the question himself. It also explained why they were so in sync with each other.  
It was Luhan who talked about the coma dreams. Minseok was never able to speak about them to Jongdae, so both were eager to listen. Of course, Luhan was hesitant how much he could share/ Minseok nodded along with what he said, showing he related to what he said. On occasion, he would blush when Luhan talked about things leading up to more, intimate, moments. He never went that far, but gauging the reaction of the other was well worth the efforts.  
Lastly, they concluded that they had fallen into a coma on roughly the same time if time difference in both countries was considered. That might be reason why they ended up in each other’s’ coma dream, if that was even medically possible.

‘I think it’s about time for me to head back home,’ Luhan said when the conversation had fallen silent for a bit. It was already half past 10, which meant he had been here for an hour and a half now. That was an hour and a half longer than he had expected.  
‘Thank you for coming, Luhan. It was really nice meeting you,’ Jongdae said and excuses himself to another room. With him gone, Minseok and Luhan stared at each other for a moment. In their gaze it felt nothing more than relief. Relief to have found each other, or at least that is what Luhan hoped for. Minseok definitely felt different, more distant, more uptight. Yet, his true essence was in there somewhere. Luhan knew that for sure.  
Minseok broke off their stare and walked luhan to the door. As Luhan dressed himself back in his coat and scarf, Minseok fidgeted with his feet. They looked even smaller with the PJ pants he was wearing.  
With their ‘chaperone’ gone, Luhan felt a lot more insecure. For Minseok, not being able to speak put a lot more pressure on Luhan to understand him. He wanted him to be comfortable, but how can he be when he cannot express his wishes? Luhan could see this as a block on the road if they continued to meet up. Despite Jongdae being a great guy, he did not want him to accompany them whenever they would meet up.  
Once out the door, Luhan turned around and face Minseok.  
‘Thank you for your hospitality.’ Luhan bowed. It is all he managed to say, even though he wants to shout a million things at once. Or maybe give him a hug, to see if he still felt the same against his body.  
Minseok nodded and bowed as well.  
‘I’m really glad to have found you. I was worried my efforts would be in vain. So, thank you.’  
Minseok smiled. Maybe Luhan was being too obviously nervous. He played with the strings of his coat and set his eyes everywhere except on Minseok. Being alone with him gave him a sudden sense of longing, wanting to prolong his time with him even for just a minute. He was stirred when out of Minseok’s sleeve rolled a phone into his hand. He handed it over.  
‘What do you mean?’ Luhan asked. He had some suggestions, of course, but he didn’t want to make a fool out of himself if this wasn’t him asking for his phone number.  
Minseok shook his head and chuckled, or at least that was what Luhan thought the weird noise was. He closed his hand with only his pinky and thumb sticking out, holding it against his face.  
‘Oooh. You want to exchange contacts?’ Luhan suggested, even as his hands already smoothly maneuvered the touchscreen to find the right page. Luhan let out a small chuckle himself when the background was of a boy group he is quite fond of as well.  
He returned the phone with his phone number saved to the other and smiled at him.  
‘Let’s meet again sometime soon,’ Luhan said and turned around to leave. When he stood on the first step downstairs he turned around and found the other waving at him. ‘By the way, I like your phone’s background. Have you heard their new song? It is very good!’  
Minseok laughed out loud this time. No silly chuckles or smiles, but a real laugh. The first time. Not in his comatose dream, but right in front of him. It sounded foreign, like his voice did not know how to fabricate the noise, same when he chuckled. It mattered little to Luhan, it sounded perfect. A shiver ran down his spine. On his way home, he could not stop smiling.

 

The next day at work, Luhan found himself staring at a picture of Minseok. He received a message from an unknown number that revealed a selfie of the man, his dark hair wet and his lips in a pout. Luhan looked outside onto the streets of Seoul where the rain relentlessly dropped. Luhan smiled at the thought of Minseok running back from the stores with his arms around a grocery bag and a broken umbrella in his hand.  
After elaborating his thoughts, he eventually settled with the message: Be careful not to catch a cold!  
He figured it wouldn’t be possible to have more of a conversation through text as in real life. He researched aphasia and how to deal with it online when he got home yesterday. Minseok suffers from the non-fluent type of aphasia, which meant he can’t express himself through words or written text. Luhan was comforted by the thought that this form of aphasia doesn’t limit his understanding of speech and languages. He was able to listen to conversations and comprehend the meaning, which didn’t make communication impossible at least.  
Five minutes later he received another picture, this time it was Minseok wrapped in a blanket and a cup of coffee in one hand.

It became a habit to check his phone for a new message of Minseok every day. Often he would send pictures, other times only words or letters. It was actually kind of an interesting way to communicate, Luhan admitted. However, it did not allow much deeper conversation than daily pleasantries and occurrences.

A week later Luhan received another text.  
Lunch? Sent: 9:41  
Wanna get lunch together? 9:42  
Y. Sent 9:51  
When? How about tomorrow, 13:00 at Café Le Noir? Received 9:53  
Minseok replied with a selfie, big eyes and a smile, showing a ‘thumbs up’ towards the camera.

 

***  
He nervously paced around his room, going through all the clothes in his wardrobe and rechecking the state of his hair. He still cannot fathom the idea the man from his literal dreams traveled another country for him and now he is going on a date with him. Or at least, he hoped Luhan knew it was a date too. Hard to tell when you cannot type or speak, Minseok bemoaned. Never mind that, Luhan was as hot as he was in his dreams and even under these circumstances so understanding. He already felt like a disappointment, but now he can make ass of himself in front of his crush. Or boyfriend, or dream-boyfriend, what even are they? Minseok is not naive enough to think Luhan doesn’t like him, but they were still too awkward with each other.

What Luhan did not know was the out of body experience Minseok had on the daily. Everything still felt unreal, returning to the real world pretending to be normal, while nobody knew what he went through. Not being able to voice his concerns were awful and caused him to become socially anxious. He cannot function in society, he couldn’t even order a drink at his once favorite coffee shop. While he had been in contact with his previous boss, he wouldn’t be able to work for him in this state either. His boss was understanding and told him to give it a try, but the fear was too overwhelming.  
Actually, he had become a shut in. He did not go out of his apartment often. Jongdae dragged him out every once in a while for whatever excuse he could find. Movies, dinner, shopping day, anything. It was a thought well appreciated, knowing Jongdae was worried about him too, but he could not enjoy such occasions anymore. It was not always like this. While he had always been a quiet kid, he was also brave and never let his heart waver on difficulties. He always appreciated his own little space where he could hide in, typically for an introvert, but he never declined a party or a fun day out with his friends either.

Something in him snapped when he awakened on the hospital bed. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, asking questions rapidly. Simple questions about his name, his age and occupation, yet he couldn’t answer any of them. He opened his mouth but his thoughts were overloading and he blanked out entirely. Something struck him as wrong, but he couldn’t comprehend what. Only after several tests ran did the doctor in charge fill him on his condition.

But today isn’t a day for self-pity or his social anxieties, Minseok reminded himself. He is going to meet up with the man from his subconscious dreams and probably be a huge disappoint, but heck he is going to give it his all!

As always, Minseok arrived ten minutes early. Finding the coffee shop was a challenge itself, hidden from the main roads and on the rim of the city park of Seoul. The shop was located next to a lake, frozen by the harsh winter. Luckily the weather was bearable today, reading -5 Celsius degrees on the meter. The only bit of warmth was felt from the basking sun.

Five minutes passed while Minseok huddled himself in his blue Paddington coat and paced around like a penguin to keep his toes from freezing off. He looked around, noting there were not many people around. That was a comforting thought. Looking up from his snow-covered boots afterwards, he saw Luhan approaching in the distance.

The awkward ‘waiting till the person arrives before being able to interact’ lingered in the air.  
They acknowledged each other and Luhan put up a big smile as Minseok waved his hand floppily with his mittens still on. He should have taken them off, his youthful face didn’t allow him to wear cute stuff without looking like a child. Before Minseok could finish his thoughts, Luhan already stood before him. They both nodded and glanced around to avoid eye contact with each other. A smooth  
‘Let’s go inside, I’m freezing,’ Luhan diverted the awkwardness and motions to the café.

The coffeehouse was nicely decorated with ember coloured furniture and beige tints on the wall and curtains. In the middle stood a big fireplace that heated the entire building. Only a few people were present, minding their own business while sipping their beverage of choice. The waitress greeted them happily and told them to find a place. After a bit of mental debating, Minseok picked the table next to the window that looked out on the frozen lake. Some kids were venturing on the ice as their mothers stood close by with worried expressions on their faces.

‘So… Did you sleep well?’ Luhan asked when they settled in their chairs and scanned the menu. ‘Ah, I think I’ll take a coffee latté. How about you?’ He smiled a bit uncomfortable.  
Minseok nodded and pointed to a picture on the menu.  
‘An Americano, eh? That was… Predictable.’ Luhan lost the uncomfortable air right there as he sat back and called the waitress over. He took initiative in the conversation, not like he had any choice, talking about his job and his best friend Yixing back in China. For some reason, he understood when Minseok prodded him to talk more about his hometown Beijing. Occasionally he would strike a worried glance at Minseok and asking what his thoughts on the matter was and if he should change the subject.  
Minseok waved off those concerns. Luhan spoke so animatedly about his life, also because sometimes he didn’t know the Korean word for it, Minseok was content listening to Luhan’s tales any time. Sometimes, Luhan would look at him vaguely, as if trying to figure him out or wondering what he is thinking about.  
For someone who just started learning Korean eight months ago, he was doing a good job. Sometimes he flustered or stuttered, other times he had to grab his phone for translations. Minseok could feel the butterflies in his stomach, Luhan was exactly like he had been in their dream. He hoped Luhan thought the same, but surely he couldn’t be that interesting when he had no tale to tell. He tried his best using gestures and showing interest, but it could not compare to the person he was in his coma. Things were so different; easy, stress-free.

All was going relatively well, until a large group of people came into the coffee shop. A spur of anxiety filled him as it triggered his fear, despite them sounding friendly and happy. He had grown uncomfortable towards loud behavior, and big groups like these had made him return to the frightful man he had woken up as while in the hospital. Body depleted of energy, mute and surrounded by a ton of doctors, that surely had left a mark on him. His heartbeat picked up speed as the group were pointed to one section of the room, near their spot. Just the thought of them trying to interact with him revolted him. He also wondered if this was a result from the quiet days spent in his coma, becoming so unused to the loud ‘real’ world. Normally, he has Jongdae with him, but now with Luhan, he did not know how to show his discomfort.

It isn’t even a large crowd, calm down. Minseok tried to calm himself to himself, though every fiber in his body screamed at him to hide. He took a deep breath and concentrated on his breathing.  
‘Are you alright? You seem unsettled all of a sudden,’ Luhan asked, staring doe-eyed at him. Suddenly, being away from his home and with someone who doesn’t know his condition seemed like a bad idea, a really bad one. Certainly when he doesn’t want to screw up his chances with Luhan, not when it is only their first date.  
He could not bear it anymore, so he frantically stood up and pointed to the door. Luhan stared at him with a blank impression. Minseok sighed and put on his coat.  
‘Wait, you want to leave already? Is something-’ Minseok was already at the cash register before Luhan could finish his sentence. Luhan was a heartbeat behind him, his full cup still in his hands. Before Minseok could place some cash down after the waiter caught up with his intentions, Luhan yanked the bill away.  
‘It’s on me, please.’ He stated, still looking at Minseok with big eyes.  
Minseok opened his mouth momentarily before he shut it again. He already fled outside before Luhan could finish transactions. In the yard he waited for Luhan, or more specifically, he tried to calm his heart down. He glanced around, then stared at the row of trees in the distance. He felt like such an idiot. The pit of shame and disappointment only grew as his heartbeat decelerated.

Minseok waited for Luhan to come out 5 minutes later, with two cups on a cardboard tray. When Minseok cocked his head at him, Luhan smiled.  
‘I asked them to put our drinks in take away cups. It would have been a waste otherwise.’ He handed over the drink. Minseok accepted it gratefully. Luhan was very thoughtful to have thought about that. Luhan’s eyes prodded him and Minseok averted it by taking a sip of his drink.  
‘I’m sorry, Minseok. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry. Please, don’t go now,’ He mumbled.  
Sorry for what? For me being a sissy pants and having anxiety attacks? Minseok thought bitterly. If only he could elaborate his thoughts to the other man. As if instinctive, he reached out towards his hand and pulled it towards his chest. He snugged it underneath his coat. Luhan’s eyes grew wide when he felt Minseok’s heart beating at an abnormal tempo.  
‘I don’t get it,’ he said, searching for Minseok’s eyes. The latter quickly looked away, ashamed and wanting to retreat home.  
Instead, Minseok gasped when Luhan’s hand trailed, still underneath his jacket, around his back and drew him against Luhan’s body. With his body snug against the other and the hot drink still in one hand, he stood frozen despite the heat.  
‘Are you feeling a little better?’ Luhan asked, still holding Minseok close after a minute had passed.  
Minseok nodded against Luhan’s shoulder, tightening their hug with one arm before he backed off. They glanced at each other.  
‘You want to go home?’  
Minseok nodded. Luhan smiled, but he looked disappointed. Minseok did feel better, perhaps he should give it another shot instead. Just as he opened his mouth, Luhan looked down at his shoes.  
‘Alright. Can I contact you tomorrow?’ The slight pinched voice betrayed the hope Luhan held.  
Considering how Luhan had comforted him, it was his time to prove his worth. Without thinking too much, he linked arms and pulled him along. The man looked at him confused, but when Minseok pointed to the path leading them through the park, he laughed and walked along. Suddenly the younger was lighter in his step, or maybe Minseok had become hyperaware of him by the proximity.

The next obstacle arose not ten minutes later, when a group of youngsters jumped them with a prank. It was really nothing, Minseok reminded himself, but the teens were so loud and they were laughing. Luhan tried to deescalate the situation, stepping in front of Minseok and talking to them, but they still asked him why he didn’t speak and why he made such a weird noise when they scared him.  
After they were left alone, Minseok had to leave. Luhan read the situation well, telling him he understands and that he will bring him home. The latter Minseok declined. He really needed to be alone right now. Certainly after he made himself look like an ass two times already.  
Sorry, I’m really sorry. Please don’t misunderstand. It was all he could think about when he walked home.

 

Locking the door behind him, Minseok kicked off his shoes and dropped himself on the couch. Right away he whipped out his phone from his pocked and stared absentmindedly at it. His heartbeat was still not back to its regular pace. He sighed and dialed Jongdae. Of course, it being Jongdae, he asked a bunch of questions that Minseok could not answer. Old habits die hard, on both parts. After a particular hard sigh, Jongdae decided he would come over after his work. It was a good thing he had a friend that could basically read his mind, else he would be entirely lost.

Around dinner time Jongdae arrived. As per usual, Minseok timed his arrival and was already waiting for him with dinner. Minseok made some scraps with the leftover rice and curry from yesterday. Jongdae was always a grateful eater, so he didn’t need to pull out the best of his cooking abilities to win his stomach over. That is particularly fortunate since Jongdae spends more time at Minseok’s place than in his own. Surely that was part worries that haunted the man whenever Minseok would be home alone, but he appreciated the company nonetheless.  
‘So, want to tell me something?’ Jongdae asked. He sat across from the table, his chopsticks digging through the rice and curry on the plate to mix it. His eyes squinted together, trying to read something of Minseok without words.  
In reply, Minseok sighed.  
‘I take it that your date didn’t go so splendid? Is he actually an asshole in real life? He seemed alright to be honest, I’m shocked you’re this upset from just one date. And you weren’t even gone for more than an hour! Did he have bad breath? Ugh, such a turnoff. Or maybe he wore like those douchey sunglasses indoors? I also hate-’ Minseok slammed his fist on the table to shut him up. Jongdae lowered his head like a puppy, but he swapped to his serious face within an instant.  
‘Okay, clearly not in the mood for jokes. What went wrong?’ He laid the chopsticks down and shot Minseok another look. After a few guesses, Jongdae filed himself in on today’s happening.  
‘Really Minseok, you shouldn’t worry too much about that. I know it must feel bad for you to abandon him like that, but I’m sure he’ll understand. The guy moved to another country for you, I doubt there is much to ruin with a guy thát smitten. Do you want me to send him a message about your anxiety?’  
Minseok nodded his head and handed his phone to the younger man.

With Jongdae smiling as he texted away on Minseok’s phone, he could only hope it was all positive. After he deemed it well enough, laid the phone beside him and dug into his meal once again. The tenuous stare Minseok gave him after Jongdae slapped his hand after when he reached for the phone did not do much.  
‘Just focus on your dinner now. You can read when I’m gone. You should give me attention now, hyung!’ This time, his voice was light and playful.  
Forcing his worries off his shoulder, Minseok also continued eating while trying to have Jongdae resonate some positive energy into him. He always did, with his bright personality and adequate skills in reading moods.

 

Minseok’s confiscated phone was finally returned to him after Jongdae took his leave. After getting ready for bed and settling underneath his blankets, he opened the chat messages.

Heeyy Luhan, how are you doing? Sent: 18:26  
Minseokkie wanted me to relay a message. Sent: 18:26  
Oh? Assuming it’s Jongdae typing now? Received: 18:29  
Yaa, it’s me ^.~ Minseok is pretty upset about today, he doesn’t want you to have hard feelings about it. Sent: 18:30  
I don’t. Just confused about it tho. Did I do something wrong? Received: 18:30  
Nah, you were lovely. It’s a bit difficult to explain thru text, let’s meet up soon? I’ll add your number to my phone. Sent: 18:32  
Lovely? Did he say that? Received: 18:32  
Let’s meet up soon, I got time on the weekends. Received: 18:35

Minseok sighed and dropped his phone on his pillow. Luhan did not sound upset, but he was worried what the other man thought about him. Did Jongdae really have to use the word lovely though? He made a mental note to punish him for it tomorrow as he drifted off into slumber.

***

‘Glad you could make it, Luhan. Take a seat.’ Jongdae stood up from his seat to give a small bow to the other. Jongdae had called Luhan the day after they exchanged messages through Minseok’s phone. They met up in a small coffee shop at 8 am in the morning at Jongdae’s request, since Jongdae didn’t have time this weekend and Luhan couldn’t wait for so long.  
The shop itself wasn’t particularly special. Small paintings cover the walls with coffee mugs and beans drawn on them. It was morning rush and people were constantly entering and leaving the shop. Only a few people stuck around to sit on the lounge chairs. Jongdae had been the first to arrive, securing a seat and already ordered two drinks.  
‘I got you a hazelnut latte, I hope you like it. I’m not sure if you like hazelnut, but if I remember correctly you liked lattes right?’ He smiled.  
Luhan nodded and took a seat. Jongdae seemed to be an observant one, remembering Luhan’s drink from two weeks ago.  
‘I’m glad you were able to meet. You picked a good place, my work is right around the corner,’ Luhan croaked, his voice still coarse from the early rise. Mornings were never his favourite.  
‘So what do you want me to tell you? I can’t tell you much about Minseok’s way of thinking, but I can give you some tips about dealing with his aphasia? Since Minseok was diagnosed I invested some time into learning more about it.’  
Luhan agreed and took a sip of his hazelnut latte. The taste was not overpoweringly sweet with a predominate coffee flavor, tasting just the right amount of bitter. He actually preferd something stronger in the morning, but he was grateful. The line in front was also ridiculously long, no way he was risking that.  
‘As you might have experienced before, aphasia leads to a lot of distress and frustration for the sufferer as well as those around him. Minseok can understand basically everything that we say, but he cannot form the sentences he wants to say. Background noises can be very distracting, because even though he can understand what you’re saying, his brain is still partially damaged and cannot comprehend all the words spoken. Minseok is old enough to have an extensive vocabulary which hasn’t been erased completely, therefore is able to pick up the meaning of a sentence without knowing every word. Kind of like when you’re learning a new language,’ he added with a grin.  
‘The thing is that aphasia affects someone’s social life tremendously. For Minseok, he developed anxieties for conversing with other people and being in crowded places. I can’t even get him to join me for dinner unless he knows we will be finished in two hours max. It is even more difficult because he doesn’t like to show his weakness to others, he feels like he should act his age. Ridiculous right?’  
Luhan took in the information while he sipped his latte. They discussed the matters a bit more until Luhan checked the time on his phone and realized he’s going to be late for work. Jongdae followed the motion and jumped up.  
‘Thanks for talking to me today, Jongdae.’  
‘No problem. I only want the best for Minseok.’ He smiled and patted Luhan’s shoulder. ‘Actually, can I ask you something?’  
Luhan nodded. ‘Of course.’  
‘What was, or is, your relationship with Minseok?’  
Luhan blushed. It was best to be honest, but it was so weird too. Jongdae owed him big time, and considering he must be Minseok’s best friend, it would be good to tell him what was on his mind.  
‘In our dreams, or at least mine, Minseok and I… We were really close. No one else existed in our world, but even then we connected like something I never experienced before.’  
‘So, you were dating?’ Jongdae prodded.  
‘Yes.’  
‘That’s cool,’ Jongdae lamely answered, not really sure what to do with the information. Luhan was convinced he would discuss it with Minseok, but that could make it easier to talk about it with him later. However they would manage to do that.  
They both headed into a different direction after exiting the shop. Luhan thought over the advice and information he received from Jongdae. Talking to Jongdae had given him a new itch to see Minseok again, to appeal to him with his newfound knowledge and show him that he is willing to take an extra step for the other.

 

‘Hey, what are you doing tonight?’ Luhan sent a voice message to Minseok. In return he received a picture of a plate of rice with stirfried veggies and meat on top.  
‘I mean after that?’  
A picture of study books.  
‘Can I help you with it?’  
This time a picture of a smiling Minseok.  
‘I’ll be there at 8!’ Luhan answered and put his phone away.

With a guitar case on his shoulder and a handful of courage, Luhan arrived in front of Minseok’s apartment. Already announcing his arrival with the doorbell of the apartment complex downstairs, he found Minseok standing in the hallway in front of his door on the fifth floor. Minseok wore black skinny jeans and a military green dress shirt. It was also a first to see his hair tight in a tiny ponytail, some hairs rebelling and peeking out.  
‘You look surprisingly formal to be studying all night on a Thursday.’ Luhan smirked.  
Minseok blushed and scanned Luhan’s clothing choice, something Luhan found extremely invasive for some reason. He had anticipated a lazy evening before messaging Minseok so he had not bothered putting anything fancy on. Just plain black trousers and a t-shirt with some stupid text on it. When he looked back up, Minseok was palming his shirt and biting his lip.  
‘I mean, not that there is anything wrong with that. I think you look good,’ Luhan answered quickly, administrating his behaviour as insecurity. You’re not the one who should feel conscious now, Luhan thought. ‘I should reconsider my outfit next time.’ He laughed awkwardly.  
Minseok in turn cracked a smile and invited him inside.

Luhan took off his shoes, he arrives in the living room. Although it looked familiar, he could barely remember any of the details about the apartment from the first time he came here. He was too nervous to have his brain work properly at that time.  
He took a moment to look at everything, memorizing it. Just when he was about to walk to the exotic plant in the corner next to the flat screen television, he felt a tug at his guitar case. He turned around and saw Minseok cock his head to the left as their eyes met again.  
‘Oh right. I brought some stuff along. Jongdae told me about your therapy and I wanted to contribute, so I looked up some information… What?’ Luhan asked when Minseok pulled a weird face.  
‘Jongdae?’ He pronounced with a fixed effort. It surprised Luhan to hear his voice, this was the first time he spoke to him.  
‘Yes. I don’t want to make any mistakes no more,’ Luhan answered a beat too late, being to marveled at Minseok’s voice.  
Minseok sighed and turned around to drop himself on the couch. Luhan stepped closer but remained on his feet, unable to feel the mood and feeling like he said something wrong again. Minseok cocked his head up. His hand patted the couch for Luhan to take a seat next to him. Luhan complied.  
‘I found information about this therapy online, it’s called melodic intonation therapy, or MIT for short. Have you heard of it?’ Luhan asked while he opened the guitar case. Inside was an acoustic guitar with few papers on top.  
Minseok nodded.  
‘Great! It’s some sort of music therapy, that’s why I brought my guitar. I know it’s a bit different from the regular therapy, but I think it’s more fun.’ Most MIT sessions consist of tapping the patient’s hand in rhythm with humming, before dividing the words into syllables. Luhan grabbed the guitar out of its case and placed it on his lap. His fingers brushed the strings, an array of sounds following next.  
Minseok inched closer and touched the strings as well. ‘What now?’ He questioned when Luhan released the strings and revealed a bunch of papers.  
‘I have made a few verses with sentences that are used daily, to make it easy. The way this therapy works is that by the use of a rhythm or melody, difficult phrases can be practiced and memorized more easily. It also helps you increase your speech vocabulary, therefore I made different songs with different difficulties.’ Luhan flipped through the handwritten papers he had brought along. Minseok’s eyes ogled the papers, so he passed them to him.  
Without a single warning, Luhan was wrapped into a hug by the older.  
‘Minseok?’  
The hug tightened before the other man released him, yet he remained close to Luhan. His breath ghosted over Luhan’s collarbone, making him shiver. Luhan placed his guitar next to him before facing Minseok entirely. The man simpered, grabbing Luhan’s hand and giving small bows.  
‘It’s okay, Minseok.’ Luhan guessed he was expressing his gratitude. ‘Let’s first see if it actually works before you start thanking me, okay?’ he whispered, too close to speak any louder than that necessary.  
Both smiled at each other before they turned back to the papers still at hand.

The salon table catered snacks and two cups of coffee when they both settled down into the couch, Luhan with his guitar in place and Minseok with a piece of paper in one hand while the other rested on the guitar’s body.  
‘Let’s start with something simple. Follow the rhythm of the guitar and say it with me.’ Luhan started stringing his guitar in a simple E cord. When he saw Minseok humming along with the beat, he acknowledged and started with the word ‘hello’.  
‘Hell-o.’ Minseok repeated after Luhan had previously sung it for four times.  
‘Very good. Let’s try your name, Min-seok.’  
‘Min… Seok.’ Again he followed after Luhan repeated himself a few times.  
The evening was filled with the simple rhythm and their voices repeating small words. They covered only the first verse that Luhan had written, existing of ‘hello, I am Minseok. How are you?’ which was already a challenge for the aphasiac patient. A full sentence was a lot more work than just a word or two. Luhan’s heart fluttered each time he spoke. Even with his voice sounding awkward and different from it did in his dream, it was the most amazing sound to Luhan’s existence thus far. During practice they had taken breaks for more coffee and simply enjoying each other’s company.

The moment Luhan stepped out of the apartment door on its way home, he could not contain his smile. The whole evening reminded him of the time they shared in their coma dreams. It was comfortable and warm, exactly how Luhan had felt during those times. He decided that this step was worth every struggle he had been through so far. Leaving his friends and family behind in China, learning the Korean language, finding a job and apartment and settle in this foreign country. It didn’t feel that foreign anymore, now that the feeling of comfort had returned.

***  
After a year of recovery, Minseok returned to his old job. While the doctor said it would be good for him to start again and Minseok agreed, that did not mean it was easy starting again.  
He was an I.T. worker at the Wu Electronics Company, a company designed to provide computers and software for businesses across South-Korea and China. The company is created by the Chinese businessman Wu Yifan, although his name is broadly known around the office as Kris. A stern man in the workplace, never one to turn a blind eye to slip-ups and wasn’t shy of firing incapable employees. While some considered him the big scary boss, Minseok lost that sense when he once found him in the office crying his eyes out. He never told him why he was crying, but ever since Minseok patted his back and told him things would be okay, a friendship had been established. Combined with the work Minseok had done for the company, working on one of their biggest clients and reeling in serious cash for the company, it didn’t take long for Minseok to promote to secretary. He worked directly under Kris and was present at all meetings and brainstorming sessions. It filled Minseok with a sense of accomplishment.  
Now Minseok was doubtful whether he could feel that sense of accomplishment again, his skills stripped from him the second he woke up from his coma. The first day he came back was dreadful, his desk cleaned out and his colleagues uninformed about his condition.  
After rearranging his whole desk, which was luckily located in his own office rather than the 2 by 2 desks the I.T. workers are placed behind, it was already lunch. Minseok stayed in his office, preferring to eat lunch in seclusion. At least he would see Luhan again tonight. The melodic intonation therapy needed to be repeated daily for at least 1.5 hours for the full effect to take place. They both had work now so that wasn’t feasible, but agreed to meet each other 3 days a week to practice.

Minseok got called into office after lunch time. He followed Kris’ new secretary, a young lady with a rather edgy clothing choice, a miniskirt and a dress shirt so deliriously designed that Minseok wouldn’t even be surprised if Kris handpicked the outfit for her. He had a way of finding the most ridiculous clothing and somehow making it look handsome on him. Maybe his sense for women’s clothing was a bit more off.

Kris sat at his desk with the nub of a pen in his mouth checking some papers when Minseok walked in his office. He immediately lifted his face and dropped the pen.  
‘Minseok, you’re back!’ Kris said a little more cheerful than would be considered normal as a superior talking to his employee.  
Minseok acknowledged his words.  
‘I’m so glad you accepted my offer to come back. Please, take a seat.’ The man waved his hand at the chair adjacent of his own and Minseok took the seat.

After 30 minutes of endless gestures and even a few words from Minseok’s part, there was an understanding established. Kris did not officially demote him, but he would be taken off his original job as head secretary. Although fancier words were spoken, what Minseok had understood was that he would basically do useless tasks to fill his day. He wanted to decline the offer and return home, but either Kris played dumb or he really couldn’t understand Minseok’s head shaking and flailing hand movements.  
He ended up settling for the job, even if he sat around doing nothing most of the time. If anything, he became Kris’ silent therapist. Whenever he had to vent, he went into Minseok’s office and just whined the whole time. That was not unusual, but now Minseok was unable to give him good advice, thus he had to listen to Kris come up with dumb solutions himself.

 

They had been on several dates now, five to be exact. Luhan couldn’t be more perfect, he was not a single hair different from the Luhan he had met in his dreams. He was also very capable of understanding Minseok without words, which made their dates very comfortable. Even with his anxiety, Luhan managed to keep Minseok from freaking out to a horribly degree. They had to leave their date early, but Luhan invited him over to his apartment to see a movie. That turned out to be their best date thus far.

Their dinner at a fancy restaurant Luhan had also been delightful. Luhan had reserved a seat all the way in the back in a booth. With that much privacy, Minseok felt himself unwind and truly enjoy the restaurant. Luhan insisted on paying the bill since they still had not celebrated Minseok’s return to office. Although Minseok didn’t really want to celebrate it, obviously because he never wanted to stay there, Luhan made all the excuses he could to spoil Minseok.

After their dinner, Minseok invited Luhan over to his apartment. Although Luhan’s body language told him he was laid back and cool, Minseok did not miss the way his eyes lit up with lips twitched upwards. By now he was safe to assume that his smile is permanently plastered on his face. Minseok took a moment to change himself in some new pants. His current on was supporting a stain from when he forgot to hold his chopsticks properly as he was too busy looking over at Luhan tasting his meal with great delight.  
Although the older had gestured Luhan to take a seat, the man still stood around when he came back. He noticed him when the bedroom door shuts behind, his body turning to face him from the stereo he was staring at. His face is plastered in a smile, Minseok imagined his face held a similar impression.  
‘Mind if I put some music on?’  
Minseok shook his head. Luhan turned around and started messing with the stereo.

As Minseok disappeared to the kitchen for some beverages, the living room got filled with music. He frowned upon the music he heard playing. He did not remember ever having a traditional Chinese radio station programmed in his system.  
Luhan shot Minseok a silly smile when he reemerged from the kitchen with two drinks in hand.  
‘I want to show you something, take a seat.’ Luhan took the drinks from him and placed them on the table.

Luhan restarted the music and busted out delicate hand gestures with a combination of fancy footwork that also involved jumps and kicks. Minseok assumed it to be a traditional Chinese dance form.  
His serious posture lasted only a moment after he shot a glance at Minseok and broke into an awkward laughter.  
‘I’m sorry, this is awkward, right? Your face says it all.’ He hid his face in his hands. Despite its out-of-the-blue idea, Minseok was actually rather intrigued. He was only educated on Korean folk dancing, but was never exposed to Chinese dance forms before. What striked him more was that Luhan’s smooth movements, a capable dancer with precision and accuracy. He never mentioned that before. He contemplated asking, but Luhan interrupted that thought.  
‘Let me try something else. Don’t laugh!’ he added, even though he was the only one that had been laughing during this ordeal.  
He shifted the music to an upbeat dance song with a heavy base. Minseok recognizes the song instantly, as it is one of his favourite artists. Luhan tapped the rhythm with his feet as he counted down with his fingers in the air, which Minseok subconsciously joined in on.  
The chorus kicked in and Luhan’s body smoothly performed the choreography. The movements were calculated and elegant, drawing something akin to a spell upon the silent observer. His eyes roamed around to catch all the energy put into the dance, the small muscle in his hand bunching up when he flicked his fingers or the small strip of stomach revealed when his shirt flew up as he jumped. Although enticing, nothing compared to the focus and tight face the dancer was pulling, teeth sinking into his lower lip as the choreo intensified. Minseok was enthralled.

It was only a 1 minute dance routine, yet it fet like mere seconds. Luhan turned around to lower the volume of the music and dropped himself next to Minseok on the couch.  
‘What do you think?’ he asked in a constricted voice with his eyes downcast, his breath catching up with him.  
Minseok focused on his sentence to say, something along the lines of ‘your moves are so on point, you’re an excellent dancer!’ would be nice if it wasn’t for his speech impairment and the constant distraction of Luhan’s gasps for air. Instead he stammered out a ‘great’ in a voice that sounds even more foreign than usual. It must have been caused by the dry mouth he got from watching the other man dance.  
‘You really think so?’ Luhan replied excitedly, meeting his eyes with a crooked smile.  
Minseok nodded, and without thinking, threw his arms around the other. With his face buried in Luhan’s neck, he could smell his sweaty essence mixed with a faint hint of cologne. He had always been prone to odors, but it only enticed him now.

Luhan jumped up after Minseok released him from his hold, looking a little startled with big eyes, but the blush on his face spoke for itself. He stuck out his hand for Minseok to take.  
‘May I have this dance?’ He politely asked, bowing curtly when Minseok accepted his hand.

The upbeat music filled the room once again and Luhan was already losing himself in the beat. Minseok felt awkward to expose himself in such a manner and only pit-patted his feet to the beat with a stiff back. Luhan threw him off when he grabbed his hand and swung him around. The careless smile Luhan shared with only Minseok, compelled him to let loose. In no time, the younger taught him various dance moves and they pranced around the room. The embarrassment faded quickly, replaced by a mix of heated feelings when Luhan swung his arm around him. They belched to the lyrics, or at least Luhan did. Minseok lip-synced to his best abilities, however stupid that must have looked like. They lost themselves in the music like they were having their own private party. Luhan had slowly come closer to Minseok, now whispering nonsensical praises all the while still bouncing to the beat. With such close proximity, Minseok couldn’t help but rub his body against him, turning their dancing into a more heated clash of bodies. Luhan’s cheeks stained red but he grinded back just as eagerly.

 

An hour passed before their energy was depleted from dancing the whole time. Minseok was the first to drop himself on the floor, to which Luhan followed after lowering the volume of the music. The audible breaths of them both caused them into another fit of laughter. Almost simultaneously they turned their bodies towards each other.  
‘Lu… Han.’ Minseok worded between breaths. The other warmly gazed at him with hooded eyes.  
Their moments together in coma dawned on Minseok as Luhan looked identical as he had been the time they laid on the floor in the living room above the coffeeshop. Everything seemed to fade around him while looking at the other man’s face. Bright shining eyes, lips plump and wet with sweat glistening skin. He closed the gap and kissed those plump lips.  
The latter momentarily froze and for a split second Minseok’s fear seeped through his courageous act, until Luhan’s lips pressed deeper against his. His tongue trailed out and licked against Minseok’s. He opened his mouth and let their tongues meet with a familiarity from their coma dreams. Their shared kisses tasted like they had always done, only the wetness present distinguished it from the other reality.

Luhan pulled away to take a breather, his eyes still lingering on Minseok’s lips. It was Minseok who again took the initiative and crawled upon the other, taking his hand into his own and continuing their kisses. Luhan’s free hand reached for his ass and squeezed, earning a wheeze from the other.  
When both took a breather again, they gazed at each other until Luhan spoke up.  
‘How do you feel about this?’ A weird question out of the blue, Minseok thought. Then again, his brain was putty for quite a while now, not a single thought in it. He actually forgot about himself for a moment, only focused on the body underneath him. Luhan’s eyes scanned his face as if trying to probe his mind.  
‘I want to get to know you for a hundred percent. Let me read your mind!’ Luhan exclaimed. With his arm supporting himself up and the other reaching behind Minseok’s head, he connected their foreheads. His eyes still stared into his and caused a shiver down the older’s spine.  
‘Oh, I only read dirty thoughts. You pervert!’ Luhan joked and pulled away.  
Minseok sputtered for a moment. Typical, playful Luhan. He pulled his most seductive smirk, which seemed to work well enough when he saw Luhan’s eyes dilute. He lifted himself off the other and extended a hand to him. Luhan lost his tongue while Minseok led him to his bedroom, his hands skillfully opening buttons and zippers to remove their constricting pants as they walked.  
Once inside the bedroom, Minseok pushed Luhan onto the bed and he followed suit, grinding his hips against the other until they were both a moaning mess.  
‘Do you have-,’ Luhan asked, but his words fall flat when he spotted the bottle of lube in Minseok’s hand, to which the latter grinned. Minseok was not sure how to ask if he could top, but when his hands drifted behind Luhan’s hips and Luhan smiled, he was not too worried about it.

‘It might be a bit redundant at this point, but will you be my boyfriend, Minseok?’ Luhan whispered, still breathing heavily after their passionate lovemaking. Minseok smiled, for a moment he thought making a joke, but he digressed.  
‘Of course, Luhan,’ He whispered back, each word enunciated slow but manageable. The butterflies in his stomach were hard to tame when he was around Luhan, let alone when he was looking as ragged as he did right now. Hair sticking up, chest still heaving and lips reddened. He could definitely get used to it.

 

Minseok arrived home after he sat out the rest of his work hours at his desk playing with a few pens. His head ached and all he could think about was how he was going to survive work. It was clear he would be dead weight for the company and moreover, for his friend-boss that still wished to carry him.

Ten minutes later, Luhan arrived at his doorstep with two pizza boxes in his hand. He let himself in and put the pizzas on the coffee table in front of the television. They have been dating for over two months now, even if it seemed more like a year by the amount of time spent together.  
‘It seems like you had a rough day, did you have a talk with Kris?’ He asked sympathetically.  
Minseok nodded and wrapped his arm around Luhan’s waist when they both settled down on the couch.  
‘Things will get better’, Luhan said after they quietly ate their pizzas while watching the news. ‘Kris knows what he’s doing. He knows you’ll be back on track in no time! So, don’t worry about it.’

The words were meant for encouragement, Minseok knew that, but he had yet to believe them. Even though fifteen months passed since he started visiting the neurologist, no major improvements were there to show off. He was able to speak multiple words without hesitating for an extended period of time, yet it was far from being able to speak a fluent sentence.  
Everyhing just seemed so unfair. Here he had his perfect boyfriend, mastering the Korean language like it was nothing. Surely, he was proud and happy that he manages so well in a foreign country, but it made him feel like a bigger failure in comparison. Over just a few months, Luhan’s vocabulary expanded tremendously, mostly due to his work and colleagues that he spends time with after work. His Chinese accent is barely noticeable compared to when they first met.

‘Hey, stop overthinking.’ Luhan pecked Minseok. ‘I can almost hear the gears in your head working overtime.’ His smile was a mask to hide his worries, but Minseok was not in a state to comment about it. He let it slide and turned towards Luhan, trading the small peck for a real kiss.

They lazily kissed and watched television in between until Luhan dragged them both to bed. Luhan had an apartment of his own, but he spent most of his days bunkering in Minseok’s. They are both content with this, either apartment feels empty without the other by their side.

 

Like Minseok predicted, work did not improve much in the weeks he continued to drag himself out of bed every morning for. Most days he was called to Kris’ office every hour to get some coffee for the man or accompany him in meetings. The meetings were interesting, but since he could not contribute to the conversation, he felt out-of-place and awkward. As if he was only there to look pretty. Some of the businessmen they spoke to were even referring to Minseok as Kris’ playmate, of course only when Kris was out of listening range. It made Minseok even more frustrated.  
He considered quitting from the day 1 onwards, but without an income he would be homeless too. That would give him even more anxiety. Of course, Luhan would never let him sleep out at night, but he never wanted to be leech of someone else’s fortune. As if he wasn’t already burdening Luhan enough with his problems. Luhan sympathized with him, but never told him to just quit his job. He always went on a rant how he was improving through work and that being around people would help him further progress, even if it was just small talk to people Minseok did not care about. He would have to bite through it all, even if he was starting to get panic attacks before noon even hit at work.

 

‘Hey Minseok, I’ve got a meeting in an hour. We are leaving by car in 10 minutes.’ The dreaded words from his boss were just announced. Meetings had quickly become Minseok’s enemies, but Kris insisted on having him be there. Kris was a kind boss and a good friend, who had his own thoughts how to get Minseok back to his old self. To Minseok, it felt like it was counterintuitive. With him being mute, people often assumed he was deaf or stupid too. Probably also because he did not look people in the eye and looked as uncomfortable as he felt.  
‘So we are having another meetup with the Er Ye company, we are this close to getting an agreement.’ Kris held his thumb and pointer finger a few centimeters apart.  
Minseok rolled his eyes.  
‘What? Don’t you think we’ll get an agreement today?’ Kris squinted at him.  
Minseok crossed his fingers into an X. ‘Shady.’  
‘Why do you say that? Look if it is about that comment they made about you, I’m really sorry. It’s just office gossip, even my own employees think I am bedding with half of the partners we have.’ Kris tried to clarify. While it was true that Kris was a hot topic among his employees, mostly because he was such a young, successful CEO and handsome to top it all off. It would not be a far stretch, if you lived in a drama show.  
Minseok sighed. The gossip was horrible. Even just walking past people and hearing them whispering felt awful, like they were judging his every move. He never felt welcomed back and he didn’t see why he should have. He only came back because he was favoured by the boss. Now he was prancing around, doing nothing and getting paid equally, if not higher, than them. It was when his first panic attack blossomed, one day when the receptionist asked Minseok what he was doing. Right in front of a group of ex-colleagues, the I.T.’ers. He could still feel it trigger something deep inside him whenever he thought about it. His vision darkened and his hands shook. A moment later they numbed too, like the feeling in his hands vanished. Luckily, before he could let it consume him, he had run to his own office and locked himself inside. It had taken him 30 minutes to calm down into a state of acceptance.  
‘Minseok? Are you still with me?’ Kris tapped his shoulder and waved his hand in front of his face.  
Minseok blinked and pushed the hand away. ‘Still, shady.’  
Kris arced an eyebrow at that, but did not comment any further.

The car stopped and they headed into the Er Ye company, Minseok trailing behind Kris’ broad stature. They were welcomed by a secretary, who took them into the meeting room. Waiting 5 minutes, an obese man in ill-fitting suit walked in. It was the Er Ye CEO.

‘Minseok, what are your thoughts?’ Kris asked at the end of all their discussions. Minseok had to admit, Kris was getting better and better at it. He analyzed all the possibilities and finalized with the best outcomes for the Wu company. What Minseok was unable to tell was that the company had recently been in a huge scandal. The scandal was nationwide, but they swept their sister company under the rug by disassociating with its differently named main branch.  
‘Well?’ One of the secretaries spoke up, impatient.  
Minseok opened his mouth. He closed it again. He would not be able to explain himself. Would Kris follow up his words? He could either make a huge ass out of himself, or he could show his importance if Kris agreed with him. He looked at Kris, who was glancing thoughtfully to everyone in the room. His eyes reached Minseok next. He nodded.  
‘No.’  
‘What?’ The CEO asked. Others scoffed. Then they laughed. Everyone laughed. Even Kris did.  
Minseok blinked and stared around the circle of people. He was clueless what to do.  
The CEO chuckled and shook his head. ‘You have a funny assistant, Mr Wu. Doesn’t speak a word, and then he suddenly spouts this. Where did you find him?’  
Kris chuckled along. ‘I don’t think he was joking.’  
‘Clearly, you could use a new assistant. I have a few contacts I could share, free of charge for our new partner, right?’ The man extended his hand towards Kris, but was rejected.  
‘I think I’ll stick to the ones I can trust.’ Kris stood up and pulled Minseok out of his seat by his elbow. ‘And you heard the man. No.’ With that said, they left the stunned CEO and secretaries behind.

On the car ride back to the office, Kris put the music on loudly.  
‘That was so cool!’ Kris almost squealed from excitement, sounds like a 10-year-old doing his first trick on a skateboard.  
‘Not mad?’ Minseok asked.  
‘Nah, I trust you to make the right decisions. Why do you think I let you join all our meetings? I have been relying on your decisions since I promoted you to Personal Assistant. Ain’t no stupid stroke going to mess with that.’  
‘One day.’  
‘I know, one day you will tell me everything. Now go relax, you’ve been looking on the brink of a meltdown.’ Kris flitted his eyes down Minseok’s tightly wounded body.  
Minseok adjusted his seat, attempting to sit more comfortably. This little stunt of him nearly cost him his heart, he almost felt it give away when everyone started laughing.  
‘Hey, Minseok? Thank you very much. You’re a great guy, keep up the good work.’ Kris added. They were almost back at office. Despite of the stress, it was a good day. He wished to tell Luhan about it as fast as he came home. Lately, he had not been a walk in the park with his emotions in shambles from work and the stress it put on him. Luhan would cheer for him, maybe even celebrate with dinner or wine. Their relationship had been strenuous. It was mostly the blame of Minseok. They both knew, but Minseok did not have the emotional strength to make amend.

 

That evening he came home. Luhan was already at his place, stirring up some fried rice with beef.  
‘Evening, Sweety,’ Luhan said from the kitchen. Minseok would greet him after getting changed. He went into the bedroom and dropped himself on bed. He laid there long enough for Luhan to knock on the door.  
‘Minnie? Dinner is ready,’ he whispered. He made an attempt to walk closer, but Minseok was already up and in his arms before he reached the bed. Luhan hugged back, holding him tightly. He used to ask how work was, but he knew Minseok hated the question. He already knew he hated his work. Today, he had something to tell, so now he would have liked to get asked that question. Hypocritical? Yes. He was the epitome of hypocritical, but Luhan knew what he gotten himself into. Luhan himself had changed too. He was more quiet, never really asked things anymore. He did not talk much about his work anymore either.  
Dinner was eaten in silence. The Melodic Intonation Therapy was the opposite of that. Despite their frustrations, something about the guitar tunes filling the room and their mutual efforts created a better atmosphere. Minseok created his own sentence this time.  
‘Kris praised me,’ he said at the end of it.  
Luhan blinked first, then he smiled. ‘What did you do to impress your boss?’ He asked cheekily.  
‘I made him cancel a businessdeal’ was too much for Minseok to say, but Luhan caught the gist of it after some attempts. Luhan did call for a celebration.  
‘I have no riches to offer, my dear. Can we celebrate by consummation instead?’ Causing them both to smirk and retreat to the bedroom.

‘I’m proud of you, Minseok. So, so proud,’ Luhan purred against his ear. They laid in each other’s arms in the late hours, having taken their sweet time celebrating. Every day seemed an emotional rollercoaster for Minseok, filled with stress, fear, happiness and love. Luckily, he had his boyfriend for the latter two.

 

***

With a great amount of hairspray and his outfit on point, Luhan was just about to pick up Minseok for dinner. It was their three month anniversary and Luhan was thrilled to take him out for dinner. He found a small restaurant downtown, unbeknownst to most people but serving great food. It was exactly what he was looking for.  
He was about to leave when Minseok called him off. ‘Feeling ill,’ he said. Luhan didn’t believe it anymore. It was the fourth time he canceled their date. Luhan had spoken to him about it before, telling him he should try to overcome his fear instead of running from it. Yet here they were again.

Frustrated, Luhan called his old friend Yixing back in China. No answer. He dropped himself on the sofa. He really needed to vent. He thought about Baekhyun and Chanyeol, who also work at the company Luhan is employed at. They are an odd pair of individuals that apparently taken an interest in Luhan after an implication that was still mentioned regularly as an inside joke, much to Luhan’s distaste.  
Although they were from the technology department, whereas Luhan works as sales administrator for the company, they still managed to become friends and find time during breaks to chat. The company invests in development and innovation within the agricultural sector of Korea. Although Luhan had never imagined working in this sector, the job didn’t require him to actually know anything about it. Cash flow and sales was the only knowledge Luhan needed to have and luckily he was skillful with those, considering the work he had done before in China.

He dialed Baekhyun’s number. He was upbeat and kind, which meant he would be the perfect candidate to cheer Luhan up.  
‘Hey Luhan, what are you calling for on a Tuesdaynight?’ Baekhyun’s voice rang through the phone.  
‘Uhh.’ Luhan didn’t think this far ahead. ‘Just wondering how you’re doing.’  
‘Sure Luhan, how very convincing,’ the other chuckled. ‘But if that’s the only reason you’re calling, I have something to ask. You know I’ve been dating this superhot and cute girl for almost a year now, right?’ Luhan now heard someone else giggling, ‘I want you guys to meet her. Shall we meet up next week for dinner instead of drinks?’  
Luhan was a little fazed, but agreed to it. ‘I think that would be cool, can’t wait to meet her.’  
Baekhyun continued to talk about how excited he was and asked if Minseok will join them. As if on cue, the skype notification of a call rang and Luhan was relieved to see Yixing’s name underneath it.  
‘I’m going to hang up now, alright?’  
Baekhyun was quiet for a moment. ‘Are you okay, Luhan?’  
Luhan gave it a moment’s thought. Is he okay? Are he and Minseok okay? He did not know.  
‘I’m alright, don’t worry. I just have some things on my mind, I’ll work it out. Thanks for listening.’  
‘But you didn’t even talk,’ Baekhyun said, Luhan was sure he was scrunching his nose like he usually did when he was confused, before Luhan hung up to answer Yixing’s call.

Yixing’s calm voice echoed through Luhan’s headset and he was instantly put to rest. Lately he had been trying to mend their lost contact ever since Luhan went to Korea, not being able to meet up in person really put a dent in their communication. Yixing and text messaging just does not go together, it was like he is a different person.  
‘Are you even still surprised? I already told you, you shouldn’t let him treat you like that,’ Yixing voiced out when Luhan finished his rant of Minseok ditching him again.  
‘I know, but you know his situation. I just wish it was not like this. It is draining me and sometimes I wonder how long I’ll be able to manage it.’  
‘Is it worth it?’  
‘What?’ Luhan asked after a temporary silence.  
‘Is the struggles you go through for this man worth it? I know you’re stuck on this dream guy from your coma induced dreams, but that doesn’t mean this man is actually that guy. Those were different circumstances, living in a fantasy world with not a care in the world is hardly comparable to the shit you’re in right now.’  
‘Yixing, we talked about this. You know I’m not going to give up, no matter what you say.’  
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Yixing replied, sounding pouty.  
‘He is worth it. We’ll get through this together.’  
Yixing sighed. He always does when Luhan is stubbornly sticking to his argument and he is at end’s wit.  
‘At least promise me that you’ll come back to China, to me, if everything fails,’ Yixing eventually said, sounding close to begging. Sometimes Luhan wished Yixing wasn’t so caring, so concerned about his wellbeing.  
‘I’ll come visit you soon, I promise.’

On good days, Minseok would be absolutely peachy. Smiled, kisses, hugs. None would be too much for him. On other days, his anxiety bled out through the apartment, forcing Luhan to walk on eggshells around him if he did not want to face the eye of it.

‘Minnie, when can I see your smile again?’ Luhan whined while Minseok stared at the ‘homework’ he received from the neurologist.  
Minseok sighed and dropped his pen to give Luhan another hard glance. He had successfully been doing that the whole evening. Luhan told Minseok he would be one hour later because he had a dinner party with his colleagues, but one turned into three without a single notice, leaving Minseok agitated to say the least. Luhan did not know it would matter that much. Only after looking around did he find out Minseok received more ‘homework’ from his neurologist. He probably wanted to practice tonight with him. It was already half past 10, but if they studied now, they could sleep around 12.

Luhan reached out for the notebook, earning another glance from Minseok.  
‘Let me help you, come here.’ Luhan stretched out his legs on the couch, beckoning Minseok to sit on his lap with his back against the couch’s rest. The older begrudged, but complied. Once seated, his tight wound body relaxed against Luhan’s body. It always did. Minseok was prone to physical contact, cuddling made him feel safe. It also improved his mood tremendously.  
‘Okay, how about this one? ‘I need to take the Gyeongbu Line towards Busan, what platform does the train leave?’’ Luhan started, reading off the line in the notebook.  
‘I need… T-Take train Gyeon-buu line, go to?’ Minseok managed to say after concentrating hard on the pronunciation of each word.  
Luhan kissed him on the cheek. ‘You’re really improving! Let’s try a few more!’  
‘My reward?’ Minseok raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes.  
‘What should it be? Give me a full answer.’ his voice low and a smirk across his face.  
‘I want you in my bed.’ No stuttering or pauses in between.  
‘Then that’ll be your reward.’ Luhan’s smirk turned into a full smile. As long as they shared their bed, things would be alright. No matter what Yixing would say.

 

Being in love iss the greatest thing ever. The way that one person can make your heart flutter without even trying, how a simple gesture like a kiss or even holding hands can make your whole day. It is only after you lose the hormonal intoxication that you become aware of the flaws the other has.

Sadly enough, Minseok had plenty of them. Not just petty flaws that some could even consider cute, like a birthmark in a peculiar place or a laugh that sounds more like a dog dying than actual laughter.  
No, Minseok was far beyond those flaws. Trapped by his own insecurities with little to no improvement to his mental state no matter how many compliments Luhan praised him with. In the beginning of their relationship these were not as noticeable. Surely, it took some effort to take him out to dinner or the movies, but it was still the sweet, if what anxious, Minseok he had remembered from his comatose dreams.

It got progressively worse when they officially started dating three months ago. It wasn’t the lack of speech; that didn’t constrict their relationship in the least. They could easily read each other through glances and small gestures. Who needs words when a simple moment of eye contact can tell everything the other is thinking. When they first met it all seemed to click together. Their dreams were so interlaced with each other, that just from those moments their bond was already unbreakable. They did continue their now almost daily MIT sessions, though it was never as much fun as it used to be. Minseok would often walk out of the room once they hit a more difficult sentence and he failed to deliver it.

It is Minseok’s anxieties that crushes their relationship slowly, but steady. Whatever Luhan does, it is not good enough. It’s not that Minseok was considerably picky, he just had a way of using Luhan’s flaws to cover up his own.  
The fear that he built up during his workday exploded when he got home. Fear makes a human do awful things, one being that it targets something random rather than the source of the fear. In this case, it was Luhan. He tried his best to soothe Minseok’s fear away, he was always receiving the bad end of it all. Swatting his hand away when Luhan tried to rub Minseok’s shoulders or giving him angry stares across the room when his video game was a bit too loud for Minseok to concentrate on his own activity were just a few examples of the things Luhan had to accept when he asked Minseok to be his boyfriend.

Things weren’t all bad. He might be a liability with his constant fears blocking his view on any positivity in his life, but Minseok had his sweet moments as well. There was a reason why Luhan fell in love with him during his dreams and those feelings have never gone away.  
Every morning Luhan woke up with the bitter aroma of coffee filling his nostrils. His cup always placed on the counter, ready the moment he arrived in the kitchen together with his usual cereal breakfast and his lunch already packed in a lunchbox.

 

‘Ahh, you’re finally here. What took you so long, Luhan?’ Baekhyun asked irritated.  
‘You know, the usual.’ Luhan sighed and dropped himself in the booth next to Chanyeol.  
It had become their habit to find one day of the week off to go drinking. Over time, Luhan had grown affectionate towards his new friends. They were, after all, the only people he had been able to call friends since arriving in Korea. Chanyeol, the taller one of the two, never failed to set the mood. His teeth-rich smile and pointy out sticking ears mark his face quite uniquely, although nowadays he conditions his hair in a puffy mess that hides his ears. Baekhyun sat next to him, although quiet now, he was probably the chattiest person Luhan had ever met. When they had first met, Luhan disliked him. He was very invasive, mentally and physically. He wouldn’t shut up, always making jokes and courting skinship with him or Chanyeol. After a while, those little quirks grew on him and he realized Baekhyun is really that kind of person that needs a lot of attention to know he is loved and in return will be very affectionate.

Today was a little different. It was Saturday and their drinking night had turned into a dinner evening. Baekhyun brought his girlfriend along for the first time since they had gotten together a year ago. Baekhyun pestered Luhan to bring Minseok along, since they had never met him either.  
It was only by a slip up that they got to know his name. Luhan considered himself a secretive person, certainly towards loudmouthed Chanyeol and Baekhyun who would probably end up making a scene at the discovery of their friend’s sexuality. Especially when that friend was particularly popular with the ladies. Surprisingly though, they were very cool with it and accepted it like it was no big deal. Both kept on shooting each other glances like they shared a secret Luhan should not know, but Luhan was too worked up about telling his story that it didn’t even phase him as odd.

‘I really tried to get Minseok along, but you know how he is.’ Luhan stated while he took off his jacket. He reaches out his hand across the table to greet the girl sitting next to Baekhyun. ‘Nice to meet you, you are Kallae?’  
The girl nodded and accepted his hand.  
They small chat until the meat arrived and the barbecue was heated. Chanyeol quickly grabbed the grill chopsticks and busied himself with the meat. He had been awfully subdued this whole evening.  
Everyone had their attention on the meat grill until Kallae excused herself to go to the bathroom. The moment she was out of hearing reach, Baekhyun closed in to the others with an eyebrow cocked.  
‘So, what do you guys think? She’s pretty hot, isn’t she?’  
Both Luhan and Chanyeol nodded simultaneously.  
‘She seems like a very nice girl.’ Chanyeol monotonously replied.  
‘I know right? I’m so happy with her. It’s almost our one year anniversary, what should I buy her?’

The evening ticked away slowly. The presence of Kallae threw off the group balance, making everyone a bit more toned down and well behaved. Eventually the bill was paid and they split up. Baekhyun and his girlfriend already walked away when Chanyeol linked his arm with Luhan.  
‘Can I walk with you for a while?’ Chanyeol asked, even though he already dragged Luhan along in a stroll.  
‘Sure.’ Luhan nodded, ‘But only if you let go of me,’ he added jokingly.  
‘Oh yeah, sorry.’ Chanyeol released himself from the shorter man and adjusted his coat for him to make up for his sudden clinginess.  
They walked in silence for a bit. Luhan waited for the moment Chanyeol cracks and tells him what has been bothering him. He had seen him act weird before, but not to this extend. He usually never sulked in plain sight, always plastering his face with his smile like a mask.  
‘What do you think of Kallae?’ Chanyeol asked out of the blue.  
Luhan shrugged, ‘she seems alright? She is still a little shy, but I’m sure that’ll change when we see her more often.’  
‘That’s not what I mean, hyung.’ He rolled his eyes.  
‘Then what do you mean?’ Luhan asked, not catching on to his friend’s point.  
‘I don’t like her.’  
‘You don’t like her? Why not, she was friendly right?’  
‘She doesn’t fit Baekhyun. Don’t you agree?’ Chanyeol stopped mid-track and stared at the ground, his eyes hidden behind his puffy bangs.  
Luhan exhaled slowly, then shook his head. ‘I don’t have time for this, Chanyeol. Minseok is waiting for me, I don’t want tension in the house.’ Luhan continued to walk. ‘Come on, talk while we’re walking.’ As he dragged Chanyeol along he continued. ‘why wouldn’t she fit Baekhyun? He’s clearly crazy about her. They held hands for almost the entire evening, it made me even more frustrated that Minseok wasn’t there as well.’  
Chanyeol stopped in his tracks and wiggled his arm from Luhan’s hold. At first Luhan kept on walking, he had to get home to his probably irritated boyfriend, until he noticed that Chanyeol was not about to follow. When he turned around he sees him standing still, his face hidden by the shadow cast by the streetlight behind him. It was almost a foreign view for his friend to look so eerie and threatening in his considerable size.  
‘Chanyeol?’  
‘Whatever, Luhan. I see there is no point talking to you. You only think about that boy. Just like Baekhyun only thinks about his girlfriend. What does that make me? I’m not relevant to anyone.’ He turned around and stormed off before Luhan could even comprehend what just happened.  
Just what he was looking for; another drama queen acting its part in Luhan’s otherwise calm life. He grabbed his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He felt like he should call Chanyeol and minimalize the damage his impatience created, but he probably would not answer anyway.  
Instead, he called Baekhyun. The phone rang a few times before the call got declined.  
‘Are you kidding me?’ Luhan cursed under his breath. That bastard must be too busy wooing his girlfriend. He dropped the phone back in his pocket.

Luhan dashed his way home, a good way to clear his head before the storm hits the shore.  
He stood before the door, checking his phone for the last time. No returned call from Baekhyun or a message from Chanyeol. The time on the screen showed 10:15. That is more than an hour later than he had told Minseok he would come home.

Luhan opened the door and stepped inside. The apartment was dark and quiet. Maybe he went to bed already? He closed the door and took his shoes off. He entered the living room, empty. He must have gone to bed already, which meant a high probability of a brooding Minseok ready to tackle Luhan’s bad excuse for arriving home late.  
The door to the bedroom stood ajar, so Luhan tiptoed towards the entrance and poked his head in. It took a moment before his eyes got used to the darkness, but eventually he saw the silhouette shaped figure underneath the blanket with a dot of hair sticking out from. He was facing the wall instead of the door, something he only did when he was angry. Unless it is morning, his body always turns the other way during his sleep. Nonetheless, Luhan took a breath and entered the room, standing next to the bed.  
‘Minseok, are you still awake?’ He whispered.  
The body under the blanket did not react. He must be mad, Luhan confirmed. Although Minseok was never happy to be awoken, certainly not in the evening or night, on his good days he would turn his head slightly and stare him down with one half opened eye. With luck, he would open his mouth a bit as if to say something.  
‘I’m going to brush my teeth and rid myself of these clothes, I’ll join you in a second.’ Luhan whispered before he turned around and left the room.

Ten minutes later he returned and quickly ducked under the sheets. Minseok still laid the same way he found him in. Luhan rested his head on his pillow, a good meter distance from his boyfriend. He reached out his hand slowly, until his fingertips graze over Minseok’s shirt covered spine.  
Now it is waiting time. The relatively good part of Minseok’s anger fits is that they don’t last long. Most of the time, it subdues after some alone time.  
Five minutes later Minseok finally turned around. Slight rays of moonlight peaked through the curtain, casting a shadow on his face. Although Luhan could not directly see his face, he felt him looking at him.  
‘Luhan,’ He mumbled, ‘why not call me?’. His voice was soft and devoid from any anger, moreover tired.  
Luhan shifted closer to him till their faces are only a few centimeters apart. His hand reached out to caress Minseok’s cheek. When the latter did not flinch from the affection, he smiled.  
‘I’m sorry. Baekhyun brought his girlfriend along and Chanyeol was acting weird, I forgot to text you,’ Luhan whispered. His hand dropped to Minseok’s neck, his fingers caressing the tense muscles as he inched closer until their bodies touched. His other hands dove underneath the pillow Minseok’s head rests on to envelop him in a tight hug. The sigh from Minseok hitting Luhan’s neck sent goose bumps all over his body.  
‘Did you have fun?’ He reluctantly asked.  
‘Next time you should come along, like I’ve asked you to do so many times before. I know Baekhyun and Chanyeol are going to love you, we can trust them.’ Luhan tried to persuade Minseok’s for the millionth time. Despite all their problems, he wanted to show off his boyfriend to his friends. They already bullied him for his whipped attitude towards his lover, so he might as well show them he was worth getting whipped by. ‘Please, for me, Minnie?’  
He replied by butting his head against Luhan’s shoulder.  
‘Please, I know you don’t want to, but it would make me really happy. I want to make them totally jealous. Can you believe they don’t believe that we can practically read each other’s’ mind?’  
‘Will think about it.’ The standard reply whenever Minseok had no conviction what to do. With those last words spoken, the conversation ended. The tension palpable in Minseok’s body released when he fell asleep five minutes later, still cooped in Luhan’s arms. Luhan kissed his forehead.  
‘I hope one day you’ll not have to think so much,’ He whispered, moreover to himself than the sleeping figure in his arms.

 

‘I can’t believe we’re finally going on a trip together, I’m so excited!’ Baekhyun screamed in the passenger seat of Chanyeol’s FIAT Panda. Luhan sat in the back, sharing the space with Chanyeol’s guitar, a rugby ball and all the unnecessary things Baekhyun and Chanyeol wanted to bring along.

Ever since they started hanging out together after work, there had been talks for a fun weekend away. They weren’t going anywhere far, just the coast of Busan to blow off some steam and have a good time. So far, the good time had yet to come. It was only three weeks after Chanyeol’s falling out and neither had been trying to talk it out. Baekhyun had been the glue to keep them together and continue the conversations during lunch break, but they haven’t had a guys’ night out in these three weeks. The only good thing about that was that Minseok seemed less grumpy, having Luhan for himself another day.

Chanyeol leapt out the car after arriving at the gas station. Everyone could feel the tension clotting up in the car but none dared to speak about it. Rather than that, the music blasted loudly to drown out the silence.  
As Chanyeol fueled the car outside, Baekhyun turned his head and faced Luhan.  
‘This better not continue all weekend long. You guys are ruining it for me,’ he whined.  
‘Tell that to Chanyeol, he is the one that called my boyfriend names,’ Luhan bit back, agitated.  
‘I already did! He’s so stubborn at times. I thought you could be the better man, Luhan. You know how he gets.’ Baekhyun looked out the window to see Chanyeol fidget to close the cap of the tank. ‘Don’t you think something is wrong with him? He’s been acting so strange lately. Do you think he has a crush on my girlfriend? Last time we went out for dinner he kept eyeing her while he barely spoke a word that whole evening.’  
Luhan remained quiet and followed his gaze towards Chanyeol. He was unsure how to answer, but luckily Baekhyun kept his mouth shut as well while they both followed Chanyeol’s movements to the station’s shop and back out a few minutes later.

After two hours they arrived at a cottage. It was only five minutes away from the beach. The place itself was small and only had one queen-sized bed. Luhan volunteered for the couch, not wanting to risk midnight hugs from either. They seemed like the types that would do that. He made a mental note to check up on them tomorrowmorning, to test this theory.  
There was also a small kitchen that only had two fire pits and a toaster to cook with. Nobody was bothered, because they planned on barbecuing and dine out the whole weekend anyway. The bathroom was a bigger issue, its size could barely hold two people in. It also shared the space with the only toilet in the cottage, which would be anything but convenient with three grown men that would probably waste their livers away with alcohol the entire weekend.

With their bags unpacked and settled in for the weekend, Baekhyun was the first to appear in shorts and a beach ball in his hand in the living room.  
‘Can we go yet?’ He yelled impatiently throughout the cottage.  
‘I’m standing right next to you, don’t talk so loudly,’ Luhan responded. ‘But yeah, I’m about done here. Is Chanyeol ready?’

‘Ready!’ The last voice in the cottage yelled.  
The walk to the beach was not their predicted 5 minutes. After 10 minutes, they finally reached the top of the dunes, and another five finally had them wetting toes. The mood increased significantly as the sea smell intensified. Chanyeol happily bounced next to Baekhyun while Luhan trailed behind, taking a bit more time to take in the sandy landscape.

‘Chanyeol, wait.’ Luhan grabbed him by the hem of his t-shirt when they neared the water. Baekyun was already running off to the water.  
He turned around and looked at Luhan with big eyes. ‘What?’  
Luhan looked past Chanyeol to see Baekhyun still running towards the water without looking back. He snapped his eyes back to Chanyeol. ‘You are relevant to me.’  
Chanyeol blinked and opened his mouth to say something, but decided not to.  
‘Sorry if I’m not a good friend. Please talk about your problems to me if you need to, alright?’ Luhan patted his shoulder and gave him one last reassuring look before dashing off after Baekhyun.  
After a moment, Chanyeol followed with a smile. That’s one problem out of the way, for now.

It had taken some efforts planning their weekend, so it was a miracle they still went through with it. They had moved the weekend one week earlier because Baekhyun would meet his girlfriend’s parents for the first time in the other week. Luhan was not entirely happy with this solution, because Minseok had a prestigious reception with the Wu company this Friday. He had been reluctant to go, but Luhan was able to convince him. They had the initial idea to go together, Minseok’s boss also seemed cool with it. Luhan chose to sacrifice this for the weekend. He knew he badly needed a break. With all the issues they were, it was nice to have a guys’ weekend out and think about nothing. Somewhere in the deep corners of his mind, he hoped Minseok would somehow have an eye-opener during the reception and would magically be cured from his social anxiety. It was not like he was wishing him to be a completely different person, because then he should probably just take his chances with someone else. He just wanted to find the Minseok he had met in his coma dream. He knew it was not an illusion and somewhere deep hidden he could still see shimmers of that Minseok, which was enough to keep fighting for the relationship – for Minseok.

After a vigorous battle in the water, which mostly meant Baekhyun and Luhan teaming up against Chanyeol to topple him over in the water, they returned to their small cottage.  
Baekhyun was left in charge of starting the barbecue while Chanyeol and Luhan left for some grocery shopping.  
The barbecue was excellent. Chanyeol had taken over the chef’s role of the barbecue so Baekhyun could sit on the couch after he grilled for an hour. Next to him sat Luhan, who was taking every step necessary to avoid meat theft from the younger one next to him.  
‘Hey Luhan, your phone is blinking. Can I read the message?’ Baekhyun asked, already grabbing the phone and unlocking the code. Perhaps Luhan should have listened to Baekhyun when he advised him to change his code more often.  
Baekhyun laughed triumphantly. ‘I can’t believe you still haven’t changed your code!’ He wiggled his toes as he poked his foot in Luhan’s side.  
‘Why do you even ask if you’re going to do it anyhow?’ Luhan said, half laughing at the awkward pose Baekhyun was taking to annoy Luhan.  
Baekhyun’s careless smile faltered a moment later. He handed over the phone silently with a pleading look in his eyes.  
Luhan grabbed the phone and read the message, it was from Minseok.  
I’m not okay. Help me? 19.24 Sent.

He typed a message back, shooting Baekhyun a reassuring smile while his fingers do its work.  
Is the party not fun? I don’t know how to help you babe, but you’ll be able to pull through for now right? Received: 19.28  
Please pick me up. 1929 Sent.  
You know I can’t do that now. Just try to enjoy yourself, love you <3 Received: 19:30  
Luhan handed his phone back to Baekhyun, who accepted it with mild suspicion.  
‘Is everything alright? You’re not going to leave us, are you?’  
‘No, of course I won’t. I already told him this is our weekend. Just put the phone somewhere I can’t see, he will manage for one evening,’ Luhan answered. A pit formed in his stomach of unease, but he won’t let Chanyeol and Baekhyun down. They already talked about this and when he left, Minseok seemed confident enough to handle this event.  
Baekhyun nodded and placed the phone in a cabin of the coffee table. He tilted his head and opened his mouth, but before he could say what was on his mind, Chanyeol butted in.  
‘It’s ready!’ Chanyeol exclaimed and presented a platter with grilled meat. Baekhyun jumped up and grabbed his chopsticks, already forgetting what was on his mind a moment ago.

 

***

‘Everything will go well, don’t worry about it. Just stick to Kris and eat lots of those fancy finger food!’ Was the last thing Luhan said about the evening before he left Minseok to pack his bag for the weekend out with his two friends. The words still rang in his head while he was trying on the suit Kris had rented for him. It was a grey suit with a bit of shimmering illuminated with the right lighting. It was a nice suit, Minseok had to admit. It curved Minseok’s small body in just the right angles and thusly shaping his body taller and his shoulder wider. Kris even went as far as to get the two of them matching green ties with the logo of the company embedded on it, a yellow emblem of a Y and W combined.

It wasn’t long before Kris picked him up in a white Lamborghini and drove them off to the mansion the reception was held. The occasion was created by the Chinese Embassy in Seoul, celebrating the increase of Chinese investors in the Korean market and bond with native companies. It was expected to be a big event, but Minseok had not expected a turn up of 700 people. Upon arrival, the car was taken over by a valet parker and they were greeted by the ambassador of the Chinese embassy at the door, as many deemed customary to show gratitude for their guests.  
Once inside, Minseok followed Luhan’s advice and clung to Kris for the time being. He hated being dependent on others, but for once it felt nice to hide behind his boss. He would rather have Luhan here, but he didn’t want to give up his weekend with the guys. He knew he should accept and understand, but this was the one time he could have Luhan with him to a work-related event. As a reflection of his mood, he found himself appealing more to Kris. His boss was careful and alert, constantly keeping an eye out for him even during conversations with some high up snobs. He also included him in conversations, praising him for his efforts as he boasted about the latest business deal the company enrolled in. The Er Ye company had turned into another media spectacle when it was discovered they had been using a different name to still continue their trade, so Kris more than happily told everyone they’d met how ‘Minseok had prevented that disaster to happen’. For a moment, Minseok could see a different side of human interaction. How intrigued and appreciative they looked at him, how they complimented his awareness and priced his boss to be lucky to have such an employee. And they were strangers too, they had no reason to sugarcoat things like Luhan would. Was that a fair comparison? Maybe, maybe not.

Minseok would almost consider the party to be fun. The venue was amazingly decorated in a white and gold theme. Chandeliers on the ceilings and flower ornaments on every high top table and corners of the building gave off a luxurious and classy appearance. Invitees were dressed in formal suits and ballroom dresses. No wrist appeared empty, with brand watches and bracelets that would probably be worth more than Minseok’s apartment alone. Waiters walked around constantly to serve drinks or small appetizers.

After retrieving a drink for Kris at the bar, since the waiter that had promised to bring them their drinks hadn’t returned after 20 minutes, he found the man chatting with another eccentric well-dressed man. Although most attendees were either middle aged or almost off for retirement, this man actually seemed younger than either Kris or Minseok. Surprisingly, his half shaven blonde hair was not the first thing that caught the eye. Instead his navy blue suit with diagonal black lines curved along with his body took all the attention. That made clear how they had found each other. Kris himself was quite eccentric in his clothing style, if it wasn’t for the formality of the reception, he would have chosen a different outfit that would highlight his unique sense of fashion for certain.  
Minseok announced himself with a cough to catch the men’s attention from their seemingly important talk. Kris immediately turned towards him and pulled him into their already limited movement space.  
‘There you are, Minseok. I’d like you to meet Zitao, he’s the son of the head of OOCL. They’re a logistics company based in Hong-Kong and we were just discussing some possible future partnerships.’ Kris announced. He squeezed Minseok’s shoulder before lowering his hand to his back and pushing him slightly towards the younger man. ‘And this is Minseok, he’s my secretary and for today also my personal bodyguard.’ He added with a smile.  
‘Nice to meet you, Zi-Zitao.’ Minseok stumbled over the foreign name while he extended his hand. The man smiled and accepted the hand.  
‘Likewise! And please, just Tao is fine.’ Tao answered politely.  
For a moment an awkward silence occurred, everyone contemplating what topic to start but none knowing enough about each other to think of something.  
‘I like the matching outfits. Is that part of the company’s policy or…’ Tao stopped and switched his gaze between the two men, cocking an eyebrow.  
Kris almost spat out the drink Minseok had just handed to him. ‘No no, it’s not like th-’  
‘I have a boyfriend,’ Minseok answered. He knows his boss gets a bit nervous when people question his sexuality, even when he is very accepting towards others on the subject. Minseok never dared to ask about it when he first caught wind of this behaviour, but he expected it to be something about his status as boss and inheritor of the company from his father that unnerved him.  
Tao laughed. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so personal. It was just a joke!’ he answered quickly when he sees Kris’ furrowed brows. A wise decision, considering how intimidating the man can look with his 1.87 m tall stature and resting grump face. Not that Tao would have to worry about height, he was not that far below him. As always, Minseok was the smallest among them, something he accepted long ago when he knew he wouldn’t grow taller than 1.71 meter.  
Kris relaxed his face. ‘Actually, I thought it would be wise to do in such a large crowd. It was that or also a runway fashion suit like you’re supporting.’ He laughed, but there is just a tiny bit of venom in his tone. It passed by Tao unnoticed, or the younger man had chosen to ignore it altogether while slicing on a new topic.

The evening progressed calmly. About an hour and a half passed and although Minseok felt out of place, his level of discomfort was still bearable. Discomfort was just a nicer term to explain the mesh of feeling swirling in his head and guts whenever he was out of his comfort zone. Tao and Kris were still conversing, though they switched to Chinese a while ago.

‘Hey Minseok.’ Kris nudged the older, who was staring at one of the waiters that accidentally dropped wine over a now very frustrated lady. Minseok turned to Kris.  
‘I need to go for a moment. Will you be alright like this?’ He asked cautiously. Tao waited just out of hearing distance, tapping the table and taking suspiciously much interest for his half empty cocktail glass.  
Minseok nodded. Surely he would be able to survive 5 minutes without his babysitter.

Until those 5 minutes turned into 50 minutes. He tried to keep his mind occupied, but he slowly lost a grip on his serenity. A few people had stricken a conversation with him, some he managed fine. After the fourth person walking up to him, a middle aged woman with a red nose and a glass of champagne in her hand, he couldn’t bring himself to converse anymore. He bowed curtly before rushing himself to the bathroom.  
There, he locked himself in a bathroom stall. The bathroom was spacious and each stall separated by walls, which granted a quiet hide away. He took out his phone and tried ringing Kris once more. He had called thrice in the last twenty minutes, but the man never answered. Desperate, he flipped through his contacts until he reached Luhan’s name. He really did not want to disturb him. Heck, he wanted to impress his lover by conquering this so much, but he really could not do it anymore. Maybe he could write some words of encouragement, or better yet, pick him up. If only he would be here to save him from his anxiety.  
I’m not okay. Help me? Received: 19.28.  
Is the party not fun? I don’t know how to help you babe, but you’ll be able to pull through for now right? Sent: 19.28.  
Please pick me up. Received: 19.29.  
You know I can’t do that now. Just try to enjoy yourself, love you <3 Sent: 19:30.

Minseok sighed and stared at the screen. Tears emerged from the corners of his eyes as he tried to keep himself calm. He felt utterly ridiculous for this behaviour, he hadn’t even been longer than two hours on this party. He really thought he was doing better. Where was Kris anyway?

***

The barbeque fire slowly died out and Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Luhan were relaxing on the lounge chairs outside. It was half past 9 and all were tired from their gluttonous meal. With Chanyeol and Baekhyun striking a conversation about something work-related, Luhan fished his phone out of the cabin where Baekhyun placed it in more than two hours ago.  
The phone blinked and when he opened the chat. Minseok had not been okay.

Ok. Sent: 19:30.  
I hate this. Sent: 19:42.  
Please Luhan, at least message me. Sent: 19:48.  
Sdajfsagh. Sent: 19:54.  
Hey, are you doing well now? Received: 21.37.

Something must be very wrong, Luhan thought when he had yet to receive a message back after 10 minutes. Perhaps putting his phone away was a bad idea, but he couldn’t disappoint Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Certainly not now that Chanyeol opened up after their conversation and was bouncing around like a careless child again.  
‘Did he leave more messages?’ Baekhyun asked after Chanyeol left to retrieve some beers from the kitchen.  
‘A few,’ He replied. He put the phone down on his table and headed to the kitchen as well, declining a beer from Chanyeol to pick up a glass of juice. Although the other two were already on their third beer, Luhan stayed away from the alcohol this evening. Something like a gut feeling that he would have to be sober to comfort Minseok when he returned from the party.

20 minutes later Luhan’s phone vibrated and he picked it up with lightning speed.  
Don’t show you face around anymore. Sent: 22.11.

‘What’s wrong?’ Chanyeol asked. The confusion and hurt Luhan felt must be written on his face as both Chanyeol and Baekhyun cocked their heads simultaneously.  
‘I just got this weird message from Minseok. I think he is upset that I didn’t answer his messages, which is bullshit because he knew I wouldn’t have time. I better call him.’ Luhan answered and stood up, quickly entering the house to avoid more glances. Luhan paced around the house as he dialed Minseok’s number over and over, only to see his call get declined every time. He did not even notice that both Chanyeol and Baekhyun stood in the doorway with frowns on their faces.  
‘Is everything alright?’ Chanyeol asked quietly.  
‘I need to go home,’ Luhan stated and walked over to his suitcase to pack his stuff.  
‘Are you kidding me? You told me this was weekend was ours!’ Baekhyun snapped immediately. He remained at the doorway, gawking at Luhan’s frantic movements to collect all his items.  
‘Minseok needs me. He is not answering my calls.’  
‘So what if he’s not? You let him rule all over you like that? You promised me that this weekend would be a fun holiday for us, why are you ruining it?!’ Baekhyun sneered. He glanced over at Chanyeol, who stood in the corner next to the couch looking like a deadbeat puppy. He shook his head and vanished outside.  
Luhan paid it no heed and continued to pack. His head was swirling, trying to process what Minseok meant. Although he and Minseok had many arguments and disagreements over the time, he had never messaged anything like this. Even in the worst of fights, he would send a picture of himself being sad or house emoji’s to show that he wants to make up. Now he even had Baekhyun upset, something he would have seen as an achievement any other time considering the kindhearted man he was.  
‘Here, don’t forget this.’ Chanyeol loomed over him with his phone charger in his hand. His eyes were still huge, but he looked genuinely concerned.  
‘Thanks.’ Luhan took the item from him and dropped it in his bag. He did not notice that Chanyeol had walked away, until he returned with his toiletries.

‘Aren’t you mad at me, like Baek is?’ Luhan spoke up when Chanyeol bent over to put the items in his bag. His eyes shot up and connected with Luhan’s.  
‘I am disappointed, rather than mad.’ He stated first. He collected his thoughts and continued. ‘After our… Falling out, I realized that this guy must really mean a lot to you. Therefore, I think you should cherish him, if he is really that important to you.’ His smile did not reach his eyes.  
Luhan thanked him and allowed the silence to roam the room. After rethinking the words he heard, he spoke up. ’You know. I never told you guys this, but he is the reason why I am here in Korea now. Believe it or not, we knew each other before we met each other.’ A smile creeped up on his own face as he revisited the pleasant memories of his otherwise tragic accident.  
‘Sure, Luhan,’ Chanyeol answered, doubt laced his voice and face. He did not pry any further.

Chanyeol sought him out before he left, assuring he would talk to Baekhyun and they would find a ride home themselves as he wished Luhan farewell.  
Luhan scurried home, driving full force over the high way back. The trip back was presumably longer than expected, no song on the radio could stop his mind from accumulating theories what had happened this evening.

When he finally arrived in the neighborhood, he locked the car quickly and ran the stairs up to Minseok’s apartment with the key he had received from Minseok a long time ago. He had used this key more often than his own. Before he fidgeted the key in the lock, he knocked the door out of curtsey. When he got no answer, he unlocked the door himself.  
He stormed inside, which resulted in a heavy clash that threw him off balance. He hit the floor with a daze. When he looked up, his boyfriend stood over him. He somehow managed to keep his feet on the ground when Luhan crashed into him. He towered over him with bloodshot eyes and messy hair. His face was set on ready-to-kill and the anger that lurked in him was almost palpable. Rather than extending his hand, Minseok folded his arms defiantly. Doubting his odds, Luhan played it safe and kept himself on the floor as he tried to produce a sentence.  
‘What happened?’ He whispered.  
‘We are over.’ The words stung with an accuracy of enunciation that it must have been practiced beforehand.  
Luhan looked dumbstruck at the other man, who walked away towards the couch.  
‘Seriously, what happened? We already discussed my weekend away with the guys, are you mad at that?’ For all what it was worth, Luhan thought he could read Minseok quite easily, but he made no sense at all right now. He felt wronged and his concern was replaced by anger. He stood up and walked towards the other.  
‘Don’t tell me you’d call me away from my friends just to push me away like this? I drove home for you with speed tickets probably waiting for me and this is what I get? Don’t bullshit me, Minseok!’ He grasped Minseok’s arm, but the latter tugged himself free.  
He opened and closed his mouth, an attempt to speak but unable to because of his condition, as he inched away from Luhan. Luhan lost his anger as fast as it had gathered in him, the sight of his boyfriend in such distress an awful display as it is.  
‘Minseok, please,’ Luhan sighed defeated. He followed Minseok’s eyesight and found Jongdae, looking as uncomfortable as any human would be when they’re in the middle of a couple fight, standing in the kitchen. He shot Minseok a gaze that can only be described as pure desperation, before he excused himself and practically ran out the apartment.

‘Why is Jongdae here?’ Luhan fussed over. If he so desperately wanted Luhan’s attention, why was Jongdae in his apartment?  
The question striked a nerve in Minseok and Luhan administrated his clenched fists.  
‘Message,’ Minseok croaked out. He shook his head and became even more frustrated.  
‘You mean the messages you sent me? You knew I was out there, I couldn’t have possibly picked you up.’ Luhan guessed the questions laid out for him.  
‘Why… No?’ Minseok tried again.  
‘Why not what? Why I didn’t answer you back? I’m sorry I can’t invest every minute into you, I’m sorry for also wanting to have a carefree moment for once with other people!’ Luhan spat out, he was losing his temper again.  
Minseok took a deep breath. Luhan bit his lip in anticipation of a response, but Minseok only met his eyes with hardness and a whispered ‘get out’. Before Luhan could reach out and stop the man, he already darted to his bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Jongdae peered out of the window at the staircases when Luhan stepped out of the door.  
‘Jongdae, what the hell happened?’ Luhan’s anger had not subdued and despite liking the guy, he snapped out towards him. It only took one step to invade the other’s personal space. The other winced and took a step back, only to be met with the wall behind him. ‘Did you do anything to him?’ Luhan grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall.  
‘No, no, of course not!’ the younger sputtered and tried to wiggle free from Luhan’s grasp. ‘Let me go, Luhan, don’t take your frustrations out on me.’  
Luhan gave Jongdae one last hard stare before he let go and sighed. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so frustrated right now. I just want to know what happened.’ Luhan absently fixed the collar of Jongdae’s shirt, but it only made the man flinch more.  
‘Honestly, I don’t know. He called me up, crying, and from what I understood he wanted me to pick him up. Found him hidden in the bathrooms of the party. He didn’t say anything to me, I just comforted him because that was what he needed. But I do know that he is seriously pissed at you, so just back off and give him time, okay?’ Jongdae kept his eyes casted down, not meeting Luhan’s gaze.  
It had been an odd day, adding Jongdae to his list of people he never expected to see this serious and angry. That made two in one day, and here he thought he was a pretty unproblematic person. Rather than staying and facing his emotions, he turned around and ran down the stairs. He promised himself to make it up to Jongdae once he calmed down, but for now he did not have the strength to apologize. He had been doing that one too many times today already.

 

When he arrived home, he burst into tears and rolled himself in a blanket. The first person that came to mind was Yixing, he needed to call him. When the phone answered with the drowsy voice of Yixing saying ‘hello?’, Luhan’s throat thickened and he fell silent trying to control his cry. Yixing had tried to prevent Luhan from all this, and yet Luhan still burdened him with his heartbreak.  
Instead of reacting like he should have had, with an ‘I told you so’ and sighing, Yixing quietly spoke, ‘I am sorry to hear that, Luhan. I know how much you love him.’  
It only made Luhan cry harder. Yixing comforted him, telling him he would visit as soon as possible. When Luhan hung up the phone, he felt better after venting his pain. The feeling returned when he laid in bed. He briefly wondered how it all happened, just this morning he was grateful and happy. He was going out with his friends, his boyfriend was conquering his fear. Now, all he felt was emptiness and the impending confrontation with it.

 

Luhan felt like an empty shell the next days he woke up till the moment he fell asleep at night again. Luckily he had taken Monday off for the weekend trip, but on Tuesday he dragged himself out of bed for work again. Baekhyun messaged him throughout the weekend with concerns, but Luhan couldn’t be bothered to answer them. Although Jongdae had said to give Minseok a few days to recuperate, he knew this time their fight would not end well. If anything, Minseok could never hold his anger for too long. It often resulted in an hour of silence treatment before he caved in and cuddled next to Luhan, to which Luhan would whisper sweet nothings in his ear till he started laughing. Also, Minseok had never threatened to end the relationship. It was not how Minseok dealt with things, with empty words or threats.

‘I was going to comment on how shitty of a friend you are for throwing away our weekend, but seeing how shitty you already look, I think I’ll let you pass,’ Baekhyun said when he walked to their table in the canteen and dropped himself on the chair next to Luhan. Luhan gave him a disgruntled sigh as he bit into his lunch. The last thing he wanted was to break the news to his friend. Not because he didn’t trust him or expected him to react nasty, but he simply did not want to start crying again.  
‘Hey, are you alright?’ His joking face turned into a softer expression as he moved closer and patted Luhan’s back.  
Luhan gave him one glare and Baekhyun knew enough. He must have looked horrible, as Baekhyun immediately wrapped his arms around him. Luhan was squeezed tight by the latter, even with his sandwich still clutched in his hands. Luhan relaxed in his arms with tears rolling down his cheek. He whined quietly from the air escaping his throat when he tried to keep his voice down. Baekhyun rested his hand on the back of his head and pressed his face into his shoulder. Eventually Luhan’s sandwich fell out of his hands and dropped on Baekhyun’s sleeve. He did not redraw his arm until Luhan pulled himself together again.  
‘The laundry bill is on you.’ Baekhyun joked and chuckled softly, putting a smile on Luhan’s face. Baekhyun returned the smile and patted his head.  
‘Alright, I’ll make sure to give your mom chocolate when I see her.’  
Baekhyun scoffed. Baekhyun returned to his playful self again, throwing out jokes and messing with Luhan.

‘Where is Chanyeol by the way? Lunch is almost over,’ Luhan commented after they finished their lunch and played on their phones to fill the remaining time of their break.  
‘He said he was too busy researching. He’s in one of his weird moods again, better let him be,’ Baekhyun answered coolly without looking up from his phone.

The whole week went by dreadfully slow. Lunch breaks at work were different. Chanyeol was still missing them in favour of work, while Baekhyun complained that he missed him and that he needed someone to laugh at his jokes. Luhan was deemed unqualified for that job, but Baekhyun was lenient considering his circumstances. Minseok still hadn’t sent any messages, not even a reply to Luhan’s. He knew it to be futile. Somehow, in their relationship, Minseok was always the one in control.

On Sunday, Luhan found the courage to call Jongdae. He had thought long and hard how he would approach this, because he did not want to make it sound like he only called and apologized so he could hear about Minseok. Even though that was mostly the reason why he called. Jongdae was a cool guy, but he was only a friend of his (ex) boyfriend. That would make them both awkward acquaintances, nothing more.  
‘Hello?’ the voice on the other side asked.  
‘Hey Jongdae,’ Luhan hesitantly said. ‘How are you doing?’  
Luhan could swear he heard the man mumbling oh, sounding disappointed.  
‘Alright, I guess? What’s up?’  
‘I just called to apologize, I shouldn’t have lashed out on you back then.’  
The other side remained quiet, so Luhan continued, ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laid my hands on you or shoved you into the wall. I’m such an ass.’  
Luhan’s words awarded him with a laughter from the other. ‘Yes, you’re an ass indeed. My arm got scraped because of you.’  
‘I’m really sorry.’ Silence. ‘I just don’t get why this is happening. Min-, he, still hasn’t contacted me or anything, what do I do?’ Luhan stuttered, uneasiness creeping back from trying to speak his name.  
Jongdae groaned loudly. ‘I don’t know. Don’t drag me into this.’  
‘You’re right, sorry. Thank you for talking to me,’ Luhan replied before he hangs up. He felt strangely emptier than he did before. Silently he hoped he would have gained a bit more insight, but he should not burden Jongdae any longer.

 

It was only next Thursday that Luhan caught sight of Chanyeol, in the form of him running after him when he made his way towards the subway after work. Chanyeol almost collapsed into him as he tried to come to a halt in time. Once in front of him, he placed his hands on his knees and gasped for air.  
‘Hey man, what’s up?’ Luhan started, unsure why Chanyeol was in such a rush to speak to him.  
Chanyeol took a few more breaths from running so hard before he stood tall again and looked at Luhan. His eyes had lines underneath and his body was slouching.  
‘Do you want to hang out tonight?’ Chanyeol almost pleaded with dilated eyes. Luhan was not really in the mood to hang out, but lately he never was anymore. The tone in which Chanyeol asked was odd, so Luhan guessed he might get some answers if he said yes.

Luhan brought him to his own apartment. It was the first time Chanyeol came over. They usually always hung around in a bar or in a park if the weather was good. Luhan did not like the idea of people in his home, his little sanctuary of quietness.  
As Luhan poured them a drink, Chanyeol walked around the apartment and casually picked up things to examine. It didn’t come as a surprise when Luhan heard something fall a moment later. Chanyeol cursed unsubtlety , but when Luhan came to check in on him there was nothing on the floor. Chanyeol laughed awkwardly at him, standing suspiciously still next to the bookshelf.  
‘Just take a seat, please,’ Luhan uttered before he returned to the kitchen.

‘So tell me honestly, Chanyeol. What is wrong? You’re not also mad at me for going to… Going home on Friday?’ Luhan hesitated. He knew speaking thát name was still too much to bear. Chanyeol looked up for a moment, taking in the words before he shook his head. ‘I made a huge mistake with Baekhyun. I can’t believe I was so stupid!’ he continued blaming himself and regretting his actions, making little sense to Luhan.  
‘Yes, go on?’ Luhan probed.  
‘So you know Baekhyun was pretty pissed off, right? We continued drinking while he ranted about you and how important he thought this weekend was. At some point he said he had enough, but I gave him another drink regardless. He was so out of it afterwards, like completely out of this world. He was giggling and smiling at me the whole time and you know, being close to me, physically.’ Chanyeol’s cheeks flushed red as he continued, his thumbs twiddling.  
‘Go on?’ Luhan asked as he tried to determine how the story would end. He would have known if Baekhyun got into the hospital from alcohol poisoning, so that couldn’t be it.  
‘We might have slept together?’ Chanyeol gave him an apologetic look.  
‘You might?!’  
‘Okay, it definitely happened. I don’t know what to do about this! He doesn’t remember it at all, thank God, but I don’t know what to do now.’  
Luhan let the words sink in as he sat back in his chair. Now that he thought about it, Chanyeol’s behaviour started to make a lot more sense since he had known him. All the unnecessary touches, the endless praising towards the shorter man and how he just followed him around anywhere. He had never spoken about his sexuality, but thinking how much he would do for Baekhyun should have made it obvious he loved him. Luhan felt stupid not realizing it earlier. Maybe he really lived too much in his own bubble, only concerning himself about his… Ex-lover.  
‘Well, you have to tell him about this eventually right? This is not a small matter, was it even consensual?’ Luhan reasoned.  
‘There is no way in hell I would have started and continued if he didn’t encourage me. He was smiling and laughing, you know I’m not like that.’  
‘I know, but I had to ask. I don’t want this to turn out into a huge fight between you two. This last week has been weird. I just don’t understand how this all came to be.’ Luhan honestly replied. As if his mind was not in shambles enough.  
‘I’m afraid of that as well. I got all these mixed signals from him. He was clingy and desperate. I’ve been in love with him for years and he suddenly presented himself in such a way to me. I’m a fool, but it felt so right. He felt so right. It’s even worse because he doesn’t even know this happened. If I address it now, he might think I’m lying or think me a pervert. How do I even address it? ‘Hey Baek, remember that weekend when Luhan left and your ass felt sore Sunday morning? Yep, that was my fault!’ He’ll shoot me.’  
‘I don’t know. It’ll only weigh heavier on you if you continue to keep this in. Eventually it will come out, and it better be sooner than later. Don’t you also want to know how Baekhyun feels about you?’  
‘Does it even matter what he feels about me?’ Chanyeol asked defeated. ‘He has a girlfriend that he loves very much, I’m a nobody to him.’  
‘Not a nobody.’  
‘Maybe not, but not as important as I want to be for him.’  
Luhan didn’t have an answer for that. He felt bad for his friend, he seemed as lost as he felt about his own situation. Not to mention his two best friends fucked and one of them doesn’t even it anymore. Everything about it was just weird.

 

Chanyeol stayed and watched a comedy movie with Luhan. Their minds both could use some distraction, but neither paid attention to the movies. When it was time to leave, Luhan had to get something off his chest. He had wondered why Chanyeol had such aversion towards Baekhyun’s girlfriend, but it made a lot of sense now.  
‘Chanyeol. I’m sorry. Now I understand your reasoning about last time when you got mad at me. I apologize for being such a bad friend.’ Luhan patted Chanyeol’s shoulders. The latter nodded and gave him a weak smile.  
‘That was already forgiven, don’t say sorry.’  
For the first time ever, Luhan initiated a hug. The taller man bent his knees to lower himself to his level. It was a comfortable hug.  
‘Please keep me updated about this, alright?’  
Chanyeol nodded again. ‘I will, thank you for being there for me.’

 

Luhan was at work when he received a textmessage.  
Let’s talk. Your stuff is still here as well. Sent: 15:43  
He nearly jumped when he read the name from the sender. It was Minseok.  
I have time tonight, around 6? Received: 15:45  
C u then. Sent: 15:49

Luhan tried to calm himself, but his heart pounded in his chest as if he just ran a mile. He would finally get his answers, 10 days after Minseok had declared they were through. He was unsure whether he should be celebrating or dreading the moment. They might get back together, or maybe it was confirmation that it was over and Luhan needed to pack his stuff and get out.  
He decided to take the afternoon off, there was no way he would get work done anyway. Instead of heading home, he walked over to Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s department.

Their department was fairly big. They shared their offices with 10 other colleagues and Luhan just realized how lucky he was to have his own. It was crowded; employees testing subjects while others ticked away behind their computers. The radio played in the background and there was a constant murmur of colleagues discussing things with each other. Luhan contemplated how anyone would be able to work in these circumstances, but it somehow also connected perfectly with Chanyeol’s and Baekhyun’s personality. It must be like heaven for them, being able to chat all day and constantly having noise around. Chanyeol sat behind a computer, staring in full concentration at the screen. He never noticed Luhan until the latter placed a hand on his shoulder. He twitched and turned around, only to let out a confused ‘Luhan?’ when he registered his friend next to him.  
‘What are you doing here?’  
‘You have a nice office. How do you work with all this noise?’ Luhan dodged the question, knowing Chanyeol would be too worked up for Luhan to go straight to the point.  
‘It’s not that bad! Come, let me show you around.’ Chanyeol stood and whisked him along, showing the computer area and the different sections of the lab. He even went as far as to explain what exactly his colleagues were doing at the moment, earning some glances when he referred to them as ‘lab monkeys’. He excused the glances by telling Luhan they all called each other that when one was working in the lab. The glass walls gave it the effect of being trapped in there.  
‘Certainly that one over there!’ he said loudly and pointed to a smaller man with the same white lab coat and glasses as the others. The man turned around and only then did Luhan recognize him as Baekhyun. He waved and turned back to his work.  
‘We should not disturb him.’ Chanyeol nodded to himself and pulled Luhan along again. Which was a silly thing to say when he was the one who took him off his work.

‘How are you two doing now?’ Luhan asked when they walked back to Chanyeol’s computer.  
‘I’m trying to act normal around him, but it’s difficult.’ Chanyeol confessed.  
‘Would you like to take the afternoon off and drink some coffee with me?’  
‘What? You don’t have to do me favours now, we can talk about this after work,’ Chanyeol reacted confused.  
‘No, I’m asking you for a favour now. Min- Minseok contacted me 10 minutes ago.’ To that, Chanyeol’s eyes widened. He nodded and asked for a minute to turn off his pc and arrange the early leave with his supervisor.

After arguing where to go, Chanyeol convinced Luhan to go to a smoothie bar. He was getting sick of drinking soda in the cafés they usually go to, because unlike Luhan he could not stand the black hot liquid the other preferred. Once they got their order and sat down, Luhan told him about the message.  
‘If he speaks about your items in his first message, you can forget it,’ Chanyeol bluntly stated. He reached out and patted Luhan’s shoulder. ‘Just don’t get your hopes up, it’s better if you try to move on after today.’  
It were the words he lamented in his own head all day, but hearing them from his friend sealed his concerns. Nonetheless, he did not want it to hold him back. He was ready for the confrontation, ready to fight or beg or whatever was necessary.  
‘Good luck, text me when you need me, okay?’ Chanyeol said when they hug goodbye.

 

***  
He’d gone through his words a million times, rereading the note he had written with great distress. It was almost 6, his stomach rumbling but it was not his appetite demanding something. Minseok paced in his apartment, glancing at the box of Luhan’s belongings he had gathered.

Luhan arrived a minute before 6, his familiar knock on the door announcing his arrival. Minseok’s chest tightened as he reached for the door and opened it. The man before him had his head down, his gaze on him through his brows.  
‘Hey’ they both whispered almost inaudibly. Minseok led him into the apartment and pointed him to the couch, two ice coffees already placed on the table. They both quietly sat down. Minseok spotted Luhan’s lingering gaze to the box of his belongings, a nervous swallow following. It confirmed they both knew how this would end.  
‘I wrote you a letter,’ Minseok braved himself to say through his weakening heart. He grabbed the envelope from his pocket and handed it over with shaking hands. The other grabbed it with hesitation, scanning the letter and looking back at him. Minseok nodded and the other returned his attention to the letter. How agonizingly slow he opened it sent chills down Minseok’s spine, the tension in the room almost palpable.  
Luhan read the letter, his eyes scanning the paper. He was noticeably struggling. His hands were shaking and the paper crumbled from where he held the paper too tightly. His mouth shaped the words he read, and with the amount of times Minseok had read his own letter, he could follow along easily. He just finished reading the part where he apologized for his behavior on the night after the reception and why he acted the way he did. Now he read that they were both aware that they had been struggling to keep the relationship in good conditions, which Minseok admitted was mostly, if not all, his own fault. Luhan glanced down for a moment and sighed before continuing. The last part of the letter was Minseok saying he had taken the decision to break off the relationship and contact. He had written down that he felt it would be better for both of them, but even with the words written down Minseok still was doubtful whether he believed them himself or not.  
Luhan swallowed loudly and folded the piece of paper, his eyes still casted down. Minseok wanted to reach out, but he knew he would cross the boundaries that he set up. Instead, he straightened his back and called his name.  
The other dragged his head up, his eyes wet, only a moment away before his cheeks would be too, he swallowed loudly as his eyes tried to dodge Minseok’s gaze.  
‘I,’ he started, taking another deep breath and continuing, ‘forgive you for your behavior on that certain day. I understand your reasoning. Maybe you are right, our relationship is not what I had in mind when I searched for you and I believe neither did you. I know that when you have your mind set on something, you won’t be able to get talked out of it.’  
‘Luhan. Eyes,’ Minseok commented when Luhan discontinued his monologue and refused to let his eyes land on the other.  
It snapped him out of his daze and he looked at him. The most painful thing in Minseok’s tiny world would be to see his lover in such desperation, and facing it now made him question if he really was doing the right thing. But this was not a short term decision he made. With all the stress and problems he had caused his significant other, is it truly fair of him to want to soothe him now? Knowing he would repeat his own actions again and again.  
‘I’m sorry,’ Luhan whispered. ‘That I could not be what you needed most.’ A fat tear rolled down his cheek and he wipds it with his sleeve.  
You’re not the one at fault, it’s me. Don’t say sorry, be angry at me. Why do you make it even more difficult for me? Minseok thought, but the thoughts don’t pass his mouth.  
‘I better go. Thank you for talking to me.’ Luhan almost whispered and stood to leave. The letter was still clutched in his hand when he turned around and hesitantly asked if he could keep it.  
Minseok nodded and also pointed to the box of Luhan’s belongings.

‘Can I just… Give you one last kiss?’ Luhan asked, taking a hesitant step towards the older.  
Minseok nodded. The slightly taller man gave him a small smile, then he placed both hands on his cheeks and pressed his lips against his forehead.  
‘I love you,’ his lips mumbled against Minseok’s skin. He drew away and shot one more, somewhat desperate or maybe hopeful, look at the older. Minseok remained quiet.

It was not until Luhan closed the door behind him, that Minseok dropped to the floor. Along with the box, he took Minseok’s heart with him, and it couldn’t have felt emptier. He should start removing the pictures of Luhan from the wall now.

 

***  
With Minseok out of the picture, Luhan decided to focus on his work entirely. Rather than crying at home, he felt more comfortable working overtime at work. He actually spent very little time at home, which was okay because it hadn’t felt like home anymore. Instead, he spent his evenings going out for walks or jogging. When he was not doing that, he was hanging out with Chanyeol. They had grown close after the break up, Chanyeol stuck to him like a bee sticks to his honey. Partially because he was a social creature and felt empathy for his friend, partially because he still hadn’t been able to confront Baekhyun. They were friends, but the gap between the two was noticeable even to strangers.

‘This book is such bogus,’ Chanyeol pointed out as he placed it back on the shelf. ‘It’s not like extroverts never think before they speak.’ It was another evening where Chanyeol hung around Luhan’s house for way too long and started picking it apart with everything he owned.  
‘Are you sure, mister ‘I told my boss he needed a good fuck, even though he had announced that his wife left him a day prior’?’ Luhan hissed. Chanyeol’s brain to mouth filter never worked that well, awarding him with plenty of awkward moments. Luhan was having none of that today, or maybe it was because the book belonged to Minseok. He had placed it in his box of belongings, not knowing it was actually his. Either how, he didn’t have the heart to throw it away. Maybe he could use it as an excuse to talk to him one more time. ‘Or need I remind you the time you broke a girl’s heart when she was about to confess to you, telling her you would never go out with someone who would take the first step. Which in itself is a big fat lie, because we both know you would wait a million years for a confession from Baekhyun if you actually stood a chance.’  
‘Oh, that’s low. Kick a man while he’s down, why don’t you? And I didn’t know the girl was talking about me, I was just being honest. And I meant –’  
‘Yes, yes. I’ve heard the explanations before, you meant you wouldn’t want someone to take the first step if you weren’t sure of your love for them. I was only joking. Let’s drop this whole conversation. And don’t touch my stuff!’ Luhan added when he saw Chanyeol already looking around for a next object to grab.

 

‘Hey Luhan! Just the guy I was looking for,’ Baekhyun said when he arrived with his lunch tray in hand at their table. ‘Want to go out for dinner tonight? There is this new girl at work and she’s a total cutie. I want to match her to Chanyeol.’  
Luhan crunched his nose at the thought, there was no way Chanyeol would appreciate the little matchmaking.  
‘Don’t look like that, it’s such an ugly face.’ Baekhyun pouted. ‘Don’t you think Chanyeol wants a girlfriend? He is so awkward with them, it’s like he’s not even trying.’  
‘I’m not sure he would appreciate it if you set him up.’ Luhan was not sure if he should tell him Chanyeol was gay. It seemed like a rather important thing to know as best friends, but Chanyeol was always a little weird when it came to Baekhyun. He was not even sure if they were still friends or whether they still met up, with the amounts of evenings Chanyeol was hanging out with Luhan.  
‘Oh come on, it’s just dinner with friends. We should make her feel at home, and what is better than welcoming her into the company with a new boyfriend? And if all fails then at least we had a fun evening.’ Baekhyun smiled. He already made up his mind.  
Luhan sighed and accepted the fact he won’t be talked out of it. On one hand, Chanyeol would have to suffer for an evening, but on the other hand, Luhan was excited to be out of the house for an evening. ‘So who is this new girl? Is she from your department?’  
Baekhyun nodded. ‘She started this Monday in our office. She’s already better than half of the imbeciles walking around, and no, that does not include me. She’s very… Bubbly and social, so definitely not your type.’ Baekhyun joked.  
Luhan punched him on the arm.  
‘Sorry, couldn’t resist!’ Baekhyun laughed before he quieted down and continued softly, ‘do you still ever talk to him?’  
It had been three months since they last seen each other. He still hadn’t had the courage to send a message, even if it was a daily habit to stare at their last message sent and hover his thumb just above the keypad to type a message. He hoped Minseok was doing alright, though a small part of him also hoped he was miserable without him. Luhan frowned and shook his head.  
‘You’re still hung up on him, aren’t you?’ Baekhyun sympathized with him.  
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Luhan grumped. Maybe he should start trying to date someone, they say you can only get over an old love is with a new one, right? That question was answered a few weeks later.

 

Just outside the building, Chanyeol, Baekhyun and a girl stood waiting for him. After their greetings, the girl walked up to him and gave a curt bow.  
‘Nice to meet you. I’m Giyoung, the new chemical analytic.’ She said quietly with a slight blush tinting her cheeks. Luhan returned the greetings before Baekhyun patted his ass and told them they were going to be late for dinner.

The evening flew by. Giyoung was a lively girl, a bit shy but very well mannered. Luhan would lie if he didn’t think about her cute face and long black hair when he got home. She was interesting. She didn’t speak much, but when she spoke, she turned heads. Clearly not one who had been slacking during her study days. Chanyeol hadn’t seemed that interested in her, which made sense because she was far from his type. Baekhyun would be a fool to try and match them.

 

‘Mind if I ask you something?’ Baekhyun asked out of the blue as they both walked to the subway station after work. They normally leave on different times, but today they caught each other on their way.  
‘Sure?’  
‘Could you hang out with Chanyeol a little less? I feel like he never wants to hang out with me anymore or he already made plans with you. I don’t want to be replaced.’ For once in his life, Baekhyun actually sounded pathetic. Which meant a lot, since he took pride in his confident demeanor any day in the week.  
‘You’re not being replaced, Baekhyun. Are you jealous of our friendship? Or just angry that Chanyeol doesn’t follow you like a damn puppy anymore?’  
‘Yes. He was one of my closest friends and now I don’t even know anymore. Ever since that weekend away, things have changed. I don’t know what you said to him or why this is happening, but I want the old Yeol back. You messed everything up.’  
‘Really, you think I’m the reason why he doesn’t hang out with you?’ Luhan’s eyes widened from the accusation.  
‘What is that supposed to mean?’ Baekhyun snapped back.  
Was he really going to have to be the only grown up man around here? Luhan shook his head. ‘You’re so blind, it’s infuriating. Chanyeol is only hanging out with me because he doesn’t feel comfortable with you anymore. He’s the one who is replacing you, not me.’  
‘Why wouldn’t he be comfortable around me? We’ve been friends since our college years, we’ve seen each other in their worst state already. Why isn’t he honest to me? I can get so frustrated by him, he never speaks up about things,’ Baekhyun ranted.  
Luhan snorted. ‘Tell me about it. That’s why you should be the bigger man, go pry him open.’  
Baekhyun ran his fingers through his hair before admitting defeat. ‘Wasn’t I the one he once told you that? I’ve been dreading those words. This sucks.’ He lamely chuckled.

 

It’s only 10 in the morning when Luhan heard his doorbell being abused by excessive ringing. Who’d be this eager on a Sunday? Luhan groaned and after checking the peephole, he realized that of course only Chanyeol would be like that. He opened the door and Chanyeol hugged him right away.  
‘What is that for?’ Luhan asked confused.  
‘Baekhyun and I talked yesterday. He isn’t mad!’ Chanyeol exclaimed.  
‘Did you really have to come over here for that? That’s great and all, but I was still sleeping!’  
The words go unheard as Chanyeol invited himself in and walked to the kitchen asking for breakfast. Luhan took a seat at the table and waited till Chanyeol appeared with some cereals and a coffee for Luhan.  
‘So, Baekhyun was cool with everything?’ Luhan asked when they settled at the table.  
‘I think so. He was a bit shocked at first, but he shrugged it off. He said he missed hanging out with me.’  
‘He just shrugged it off? But it is a big deal for you, how could you be okay with that?’ Luhan asked, a little frustrated. Whether it was Baekhyun being indifferent or Chanyeol being too ignorant, something sounded off.  
‘It’s not like he shrugged it off, he just… Didn’t really comment on it. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that it won’t be awkward between us anymore and we’ll meet up more often. I missed hanging out with him as well, so this is the best for us both.’  
Chanyeol was being frustratingly stubborn, Luhan thought. He tooka sip from his coffee and pondered how this would play out. He made a mental note to question Baekhyun about it the next time he would see him. For now, he rather not burned himself on the topic.

‘Luhan?’ Giyoung walked out of the bedroom in Luhan’s sweats, but stopped when she saw Chanyeol. ‘Chanyeol? What is he doing here?’ She asked Luhan.  
Chanyeol looked mortified. Maybe Luhan should have told him about hooking up with Giyoung before he had let Chanyeol walk into his kitchen so easily.

‘So, you two? Together?’ Chanyeol eventually stammered when Giyoung joined the table and explained the situation. Luhan could not fully comprehend it yet either. He had been meeting with Giyoung quite a lot, enjoying her shy but bubbly personality. Yesterday after dinner she got the courage to ask Luhan to be her boyfriend. Luhan said yes, but his gut feeling said no. He knew he was a chicken for taking the easy way out and say yes, but even if he didn’t, for what reason would he say no? She was cute, intelligent, funny and gorgeous. It was the right answer, he reconfirmed himself repeatedly.

‘Congratulations,’ Chanyeol whispered as he stared at his empty cereal bowl. ‘I mean, really, congrats! I just need to process this all.’ He laughed awkwardly and stood. ‘I better let you two alone.’ He repeated more congratulations as he took his exit.

 

With Giyoung into the picture, their friendship dynamics changed even more drastically. Giyoung joined them for lunch each time, and while they all chatted and laughed, Chanyeol seemed uneasy. Maybe he really was bad with girls. Baekhyun and Chanyeol started hanging out a lot more again. They laughed and joked together, seemingly like their old friendship. Or maybe more, the way Chanyeol gazed at the younger with undoubtedly loving eyes. With Luhan being mostly occupied with Giyoung, he grew more distant from the other two. They often shared inside jokes he could not understand. He accepted it. Maybe it was a phase he was in and now he had a new one. Chanyeol did not seem too bothered by it either, he was too occupied by Baekhyun. Luhan never had the guts to ask what was going on between the two, but he had a few suspicions.

The relationship with Giyoung was great. Giyoung was the perfect girlfriend – sweet, beautiful, talented. They had been dating for two months now. She was spontaneous and friendly, never running out of subjects to talk about on dates, though still respecting Luhan’s need for some silence. They barely ever argued, their relationship was carefree and fun. It was everything Luhan wished for, but something still lacked. She was not Minseok.

 

Luhan returned to Beijing for the holidays. He met up with his family and his old friends. Tonight he was at Yixing’s apartment. It had been more than a year since they had last seen each other, which was commemorated with a tight hug upon arrival. They settled on the couch and chatted for hours. Yixing told him about his promotion and the work he was doing now.  
‘So the girl you’re seeing, is she a keeper?’ Yixing asked when the topic of love arose. Luhan knew he was not talking about her.  
‘I don’t know…’ Luhan truthfully anwered. She was great, they got along well, but Luhan was still stuck on Minseok. He never experienced a heartbreak like this before. He did not want to believe it was actually the end, even if they had not seen each other for over six months. He sometimes even dreamt about the man. On other occasions, he regretted even ending up in a coma. His life would have been so much more carefree.  
Yixing nodded. ‘It’s him, right? You’re still stuck on him?’  
Luhan looked at his friend. He missed his best friend, one that always knew how to read him through and through, despite Luhan not really being open about his feelings. ‘It is. I long for him so badly. I know it is stupid and fruitless if I do, and even if I stood a chance, I am not taking it because I dare not send a message. I just don’t know what to do.’  
‘Don’t you think Giyoung deserves better?’  
‘Absolutely. I feel like I am using her to fill a gap that she cannot fill. It is not fair, but I don’t think I can live without her now either.’  
Yixing hugged him. ‘You can always come back to China. Stay with your family and friends, get your old job back. It’s still right here for you, right where you left it.’  
‘I know. Thanks, Yixing.’ He knew, but something told him not to take the offer. It did make him think about his last chance. Maybe it was time to return back home. If he could meet Minseok one more time, tell him his thoughts and put his mind to rest with how their future would or could be.

 

Two months later, while on a terrace with Giyoung, Luhan got a message from Jongdae. It was an invitation to his birthday party next week. That struck him as odd. He never spoke to Jongdae after his apology. He wondered how he was doing. He looked over at his girlfriend, who clapped excitedly when he asked her if they should go. ‘So you do have more friends? I’m glad you hang out with more than those idiots from work.’ He smiled in response. Luhan did not tell her what his relationship with Jongdae was, it would create too many questions. In fact, Giyoung did not know much about Luhan’s past. Why he was in Korea, his bisexuality and heck, she did not even know about his accident.

 

Luhan and Giyoung arrived at 9, having taken their time at the new Italian restaurant that opened just a week ago. Jongdae’s apartment door stood ajar and they invited themselves in.  
‘Wow, your friend knows how to organize a party,’ Giyoung stated when they entered the living room and seeing it packed with people. The music was beating on just the right volume, loud enough to dance on but still low enough to hear the person you are trying to talk to. Luhan gazed around the room with mild interest, until his eyes fell upon a small figure with brown hair spiked upwards in a wild manner. His heart stopped. It was undoubtedly Minseok, but he looked different. His clothing style was a little bit more edgy, black sweater with a crude logo and ripped black pants. dressed for the party, Luhan assumed. The coal under his eyes made the difference, even from a distance it made his large eyes pop. He stood next to a man in the corner of the living room, forming words slowly as he used to. Rather than confronting the aching feelings he got just staring at his previous lover, he pulled Giyoung towards to the other room. It happened to be the kitchen and even there were people hanging around. Giyoung shot him a confused glance, but did not ask about it.

Giyoung, being the social creature she was, engaged the conversation with the two people closest to them in the kitchen. The men introduce themselves as Joonmyun and Kris, having just met on the party as well. Kris extended his hand and asked for their names. Luhan replied with his name and Kris nodded in acknowledgement, a slight crunch in his face that Luhan could not quite place. They fell into easy conversation, Joonmyun explaining how he discussed with Kris the interests of hiring fresh graduates into his company and how it has upped the work speed of all employees as a result.

That ended when Kris looked at the entrance of the kitchen and putshis hand up, yelling ‘Hey Minseok!’. Luhan turned around instantly and met the eyes of the one he had wanted to avoid for a little while longer. It took him a moment to realize time has not stood still and he had been staring at him for a few seconds now. ‘Hi,’ he said and added an awkward wave with his words.  
Minseok stayed quiet and looked away, fiddling with his cup. The rest must have noticed the awkward tension and were set to watch the situation unfold, as none spoke and their eyes were all directed to Minseok. Kris reacted first, reaching out to Minseok and asking what he wanted to drink. The empty cup in his hand seemed to be a good indication he wanted one. The tension eased as Minseok nodded and followed Kris to the refrigerator. Luhan viewed the two. Kris leaned in an whispered something. Minseok nodded his head slowly, earning a wide-eyed gasp from the other.  
With Minseok’s cup filled, Kris swung his hand over his shoulder and introduced him to Joonmyun. Minseok bowed to Joonmyun and reaffirmed that he was Jongdae’s classmate and also would graduate in finances this year.  
Luhan read hesitation in Kris’ efforts to introduce him and Giyoung and suddenly it all made sense. Kris, who he had been talking to for over 30 min, was Minseok’s boss. The one who he heard Minseok talk numerous times about, how could he not remember? He was also the only one who understood the current tension between them and now he was faced with the dilemma whether he should introduce Minseok’s ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend or not. It did explain why his face crunched up again.  
Instead of letting Kris bear the burden, Luhan gave Giyoung a little push forward. ‘Minseok, this is Giyoung. My,’ Luhan hesitated for a moment, waiting for Minseok’s eyes to reach his when he added, ‘my girlfriend.’ His eyes widened before he quickly glanced away.  
‘Nice to meet you,’ Minseok bowed, the venom in his words only registered by Luhan. Giyoung smiled and answered, ‘likewise.’ Giyoung asked something, but neither Luhan nor Minseok were listening when Minseok gave him another glance, fire in his eyes with a mix of confusion and a lot of hurt. Then he dropped his head, his weight placed at the ball of his feet as if he’d make a run for it once he heard a bell.  
‘Want to talk in the other room?’ Luhan asked, knowing Minseok will not be able to talk with so many people crowding them. Instead of a yes, Minseok mumbled an excuse and something about Jongdae before he made a run for it, wiggling Kris’ arm off his shoulder and vanishing from the kitchen in lightning speed.

Luhan took a step forward, but he realized he could not let his girlfriend behind like that. He turned around and watched her confused gaze upon him.  
‘I’m sorry,’ Luhan started apologizing, not knowing how to further explain this to her. He did not even introduce Minseok to him. She gave him a sympathetic smile and grabbed his hand. Luhan closed the gap and kissed her forehead, though in his mind he would have run after Minseok a thousand times. He drew away when he remembered they had spectators.  
‘Want me to…?’ Kris asked, pointing at the exit to clarify he could go search for Minseok.  
Luhan shook his head, holding Giyoung a little closer to his body. ‘It’s fine.’ He lied.

Giyoung did not seem too phased by what happened. Luhan only told her that Minseok was his ex and she accepted it without any questions. He was grateful for her consideration, but also confused why she acted to laidback about it. He rubbed the back of her hand absently while she joined Suho and Kris’ discussion on foreign NGOs and their attempt to conquer the Korean market. He honestly had no clue what to do.

When Jongdae walked into the kitchen, all eyes turned to him. He had a grim face on, yet still managed to pull out a smile when he noticed the pairs of eyes on him.  
‘Did you see Minseok?’ Kris asked first, while Suho took the more discreet approach and threw an arm around him. He also whispered something along the lines of ‘are you okay?’.  
Jongdae nodded, but chose to remain quiet for a moment. Giyoung brought him a glass of water. Always the sweetheart, Luhan thought. Way too good for a douche like him, who can’t even love her like she deserved to be loved.  
Jongdae thanked her for the drink, sighed and leaned against the counter. Luhan was too shaken up to ask him about what happened, but by the looks of it, Jongdae was going to speak soon anyway.  
‘It’s alright, I walked Minseok home,’ Jongdae spoke softly. He raised his eyes to Luhan’s and continued, ‘He was just tired, don’t mind it too much.’  
Lies. He wasn’t just tired, Jongdae was just trying to cover him. Guilt washed over him, for not only ruining Jongdae’s party but also Minseok’s evening. He was looking so fine as well, he must have spent some time getting ready.  
‘Anyway, sorry I couldn’t attend to you at the door. The turn up is a little bit higher than I had expected. Thanks for coming, Luhan… And girlfriend?’ He gestured to Giyoung with a smile.  
‘Right. This is my, this is Giyoung.’ Luhan stuttered, failing to pronounce girlfriend as if it were a cussword. They shook hands and exchanged the pleasantries. He offered them another drink and with that, the topic was dropped and not heard of anymore. Luhan could not enjoy the evening anymore. Just seeing his face again returned the longing. A longing to hold Minseok once again, to kiss his plump lips and to swipe all his fears away.  
Luhan wanted to leave the party, and luckily, Giyoung was not feeling it anymore either. She was becoming quiet. Maybe she sensed the weird vibe around Luhan.

On their way out, Jongdae spotted them. He cut the conversation he had with one of the guests, patting the young lady on her arm, before he came over to walk them out of the door. He smiled politely and helped Giyoung put her jacket on. The words of apologies and questions about Minseok were on the tip of Luhan’s tongue, eager to spill a tenfold of questions, but he digressed. Instead, he smiled weakly and bobbed his head in gratitude for the invitation.  
Jongdae, however, stepped forward and enveloped him in a hug. ‘Let’s meet for lunch tomorrow,’ he whispered, still keeping Luhan close. He was not sure how the man did it, but Luhan felt a sense of relief. Luhan nodded against his shoulder. Jongdae released him from the hug and gave a cheeky smile.  
‘Have a safe trip home, nice seeing you again, Luhan. Nice to meet you, Giyoung.’

 

Their trip home remained quiet. Only at home, when Giyoung laid next to Luhan in bed, she spoke up.  
‘Are you not going to talk to me about this?’ He asked in a small voice. She turned her body towards Luhan, gazing at him with her hands underneath her head on the pillow.  
Luhan stared at her. ‘What are you talking about?’  
She dropped her gaze for a moment. ‘That boy. You nervously tell me he is your ex, then act distressed and out of it for the rest of the evening. Tell me, Luhan. How am I supposed to think about this?’  
‘I…’ Luhan was at a loss at words.  
‘Talk to me about it tomorrow, okay? For now, I’ll let you think about it,’ She answered for him. She reached out and pecked him on the lips. Luhan returned it with a real kiss.  
‘I will,’ he replied afterwards. She smiled and turned around. Luhan fitted himself behind her, spooning her as she fell asleep. He, himself, took a lot longer to fall asleep.

 

Luhan took a seat in the lunchroom picked by Jongdae for their meet up. Just as he ridded himself of his jacket, Jongdae appeared in front of him. His eyebags were visible and he looked very plain in jeans and a shirt, compared to yesterday’s purple satin dress shirt and tight pants.  
‘I see the party was a success, did you even sleep this morning?’ Luhan joked. In return, Jongdae whined and dropped in the seat in front of him.  
‘I haven’t slept at all, I feel like a zombie!’  
They ordered their lunch and had some small talk about Luhan’s new relationship. Luhan spoke only a few words about it. It felt wrong to tell him how great Giyoung was or how well they got along, certainly when he was talking to the best friend of the man he still loved. Later, Luhan dared to ask him what had been going on with Minseok since he was gone.  
Jongdae groaned, whining a bit before he started. ‘Minseok’s state was really bad after you guys broke up, even if he didn’t want to show that. He… He told me he actually broke up with you because he felt like a failure, like he didn’t deserve you. He wanted time to improve himself, so that he could one day show up at your doorstep with a sense of pride. Actually, I’m not sure if I should say this, but I might have just invited you to my party because Minseok begged me to do so.’  
‘Wait, really?’ Luhan asked dumbfounded.  
‘Yes, we talked about it a lot. I didn’t think it would be a good idea, certainly not at a party, but you know how he is. Once he has his mind set on something… I’m sorry, this must be really awkward right? You have a girlfriend now, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it?’  
‘What do you mean not a good idea, to see each other?’ Luhan pressed.  
‘Maybe I’ve already said too much,’ Jongdae talked slowly, his mind processing what to say next. ‘He really wanted to talk to you, to reconcile or maybe even rekindle the flame. I’m sorry, we really shouldn’t continue on about this. You have a lovely girlfriend, she seemed very sweet. Did she enjoy the party?’ Jongdae hastily changed the topic, not swerving off to Minseok’s plans anymore. Luhan let him off the hook, he had enough to think about for now.  
They continued to chatter about what they’ve been up to since they last spoke. Although Luhan already knew, Jongdae was still a good guy. He could see the resemblances between Minseok and him in characteristics, as friends often take over each other’s habits and mannerisms.  
Luhan still had not asked how Minseok was doing now, with both his speech impairment and after last night. It had been several months already and guessing from the few minutes Luhan had seen him yesterday, he seemed to have improved his speech. He also seemed more confident.  
Jongdae courteously paid for the bill and they bid their farewell.

 

That night, Luhan took a stroll through the park where he had his first date with Minseok. Perhaps expecting something, but he would not be honest about that if asked. The park was still the same as it had been, the café now a memoire throbbing in the back of his head. Only by chance did Luhan bring an umbrella along, a necessity as it started to rain as soon as he entered the park. He was in need of some fresh air, so he did not let the rain bother him. If anything, it soothed his mood quite well. Not many people ventured outside, only a few dog owners fixated on their dogs needs and getting home as soon as possible.

Just my luck, Luhan thought when the sky rumbled and a lightning strike flashed a few moments later. He had been walking for an hour now and with the thunder catching up on him, he decided to head home. He just passed a corner a few blocks away from home when he stopped in his track. He heard a faint whimpering. He followed the noise, that turns out to be a soaked grey cat. It was frightened and cold, but did not hesitate to run up to Luhan and nuzzle his snout against his leg. Luhan had never seen this cat before, so it was odd that it showed this level of trust to a stranger. Given the situation, Luhan lifted the cat into his arms and dashed home with it. The cat wore a collar, so he might be able to find its owner tomorrow.

At home, the cat stood frozen in the living room. For a moment it assessed the room, then sat down and groomed itself. Luhan rushed to get two towels and wrapped the cat in it to dry its wet fur off.  
Once dry enough, the cat huddled out of its towel cocoon and started exploring Luhan’s apartment. It sniffed at every corner before it was satisfied and bunched himself up on the couch. Luhan inched closer and explored the collar of the animal. Upon closer inspection, it was not a collar at all. He loosened the knot and unwrapped the fabric. It was just a piece of fabric. Frustrated on how he could return the cat to its home, he placed the fabric on the heater to dry and called it a day.

 

_Lips dry and blinded by light, Luhan croaks when he sits up and finds himself sitting in bed next to his lover. The other’s gaze pierces through him, as if he had been watching him sleep all this time, before the man drops his head and smiles shyly. His hair wasn’t brightly red as it had been, it was colored black and draped his face in a messy mush that guaranteed a night well-rested.  
‘You promised we would play football today. Stop sleeping, get up!’ The man laughs and shakes Luhan from his slow awakening.  
Luhan is left in an empty room when he jumps out of bed. The scent of coffee fills his nostrils and he follows it blindly. He steps into the coffee shop beneath their shared apartment, though the term coffee shop would be a stretch as he cannot remember if there has ever been a customer inside.  
Next he was on a football field, right in the middle of a stadium. He could hear the audience screaming, but there was no ball on the field. Right across the middle line stood the black-haired man again. This time, Luhan administrated him as Minseok. He wasn’t wearing football attire, he was dressed casual enough to be part of the catering service rather than a football player or fan. A football appeared in his hands, tossing it on the white stripe dividing the two halves of the field. With a smirk plastering his face he surged forward and kicked the ball, barely missing Luhan’s face, towards his goal. Luhan turned around and began to run after him, but it was pointless when the older was running in a speed unimaginable to Luhan. When the ball hit the net, a whistle was blown and the game reset.  
Luhan was standing in front of Minseok again, right behind the white stripe. This time, he takes the first move and kicks the ball. Minseok quickly intervenes and steals the ball, kicking it in one smooth move into Luhan’s goal. Another reset and they stand in front of each other again, the ball untouched in the circle they stand in.  
Luhan can feel his frustration grow. He needs to score. He won’t give up until he scores, because that is the most important thing right now. Winning.  
They go with another 10 resets. Each attempt to win is punished by Minseok’s quick moves and ball stealing maneuvers.  
‘Why can’t you let me win fairly?’ He growls, his hands in his hair as the ball practically rolls into his goal on its own account. Minseok is still smirking, challenging him. Luhan sighs and goes for another reset. The next time Minseok passes him, quick footwork allowing the ball to roll in his favor, Luhan yanks the older by his arm. Minseok stumbles and drops to the ground, an aspirated ‘oof’ follows.  
With the ball back in his possession, Luhan looks back to his fallen friend. He still lies dramatically spread on the dewy grass, his hand grasping the air as he stares at Luhan in defeat. Momentarily, it feels like Luhan’s heart just got ripped out. The sad figure in front of him is begging for help, but Luhan is frozen in place. He wants to help him, but that would cause him to lose the match. It wouldn’t be a fair win, but neither were his previous losses. Luhan swallows and looks between the ball and the man on the ground. Then he turns around and runs with the ball to his opponent’s goal. When he releases the ball from his possession and kicks it towards the goal, a lightning strike blinds his vision. The moment his vision allows him to see again, he’s greeted with warm arms around his shoulders and smiling face of his lover.  
‘I love you.’_

Luhan shakily awakened. He threw the blanket he had been clutching with his hands away, only to be revealing Giyoung lying next to him. He had forgotten she stayed the night, arriving late after dinner with a few girlfriends, and now she was opening her eyes and looking impossibly confused.  
‘What’s wrong?’ she croaked out, her eyes still heavy with sleep. Luhan ignored her and jumped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom to splash his face with water. He looked at his reflection, his skin glistening. His heart still beat too fast. He should have known from the moment he saw Minseok at that party again, that he would never be able to let him go. He regretted having to look at his own face, knowing what he was about to do.

He made Giyoung breakfast before he broke the news to her. He could not lead her on any further, she deserved better than this. He had zero regrets dating her, as she was one of the most wonderful people he had met in his life. A caring woman, almost too understanding for her own good. That was why Luhan’s cheek did not receive a red imprint, only tears on his shirt from when she broke down.  
‘It’s him, isn’t it?’ She knew. He never gave answers to her questions after the party, but she knew the details nonetheless.  
She left his apartment shortly after, her cheeks still red from the tears. With an admirable strength, she smiled and wished Luhan good luck in his life and his pursuit of happiness.

When he closed the door on Giyoung, he caught green squinting eyes staring at him. Having completely forgotten about last night, his mind started to recall his deed of rescuing a cat.  
He decided to take the cat back to where he got him, see if it would find its way back home.  
However, the cat only roamed around the location for a little bit, looking as lost as Luhan felt.  
Then he returned and sat in front of Luhan. Defeated, Luhan took him back home. Maybe he should hang some papers around for any who might have lost his cat. With some research on Google, he discovered the cat was a full bred Russian Grey. The owner must have laid quite some money down for this cat, so it was not likely that the cat was abandoned.

 

Luhan had another one of those dreams he had when he was in a coma, only a few days after the first one. This one was less eventful, he was sitting in the coffee shop alone and sipped his coffee. Then he appeared on a plain green field, hills in the distance with small dots in the distance. Maybe they were trees, indicating to a forest. He wandered around, until his alarm woke him from his dream.

‘Why hasn’t your owner called yet, Little Grey?’ He spoke to the cat after waking up, staring at him. The cat laid on the other pillow of the bed. It had been five days now. He could bring him to the animal shelter, but he had grown fond of the company. He should consider getting a pet himself, after Little Grey found his home again.  
He took another gander at the fabric piece that was around the cat’s neck when he found him, maybe he overlooked a tag or anything that could indicate where he’s from.  
‘Wait a minute. This is?’ Luhan mumbled to himself when he discovered the piece of fabric was actually a bandana. One that screamed familiarity, but where had he seen it? He hadn’t seen the red pattern on the black fabric before, too soaked to differentiate the red from the black.

It hit him like a brick a few hours later at work, when he realized the bandana was identical to the one Minseok wore in the coma dreams.

As if it was fate. Luhan stood in front of Minseok’s door, the cat meowing in his arms. Luckily he could sneak in when the apartment door was opened by one of the occupants of the building, providing the cat as evidence for his cause. There was no doubt that this cat must belong to Minseok. Destiny had a funny way of working things out and he wasn’t going to start questioning it now.  
Minseok opened the door. His face went from confused, to shocked, back to confusion upon seeing his cat. His eyes locked with Luhan’s and he saw his pupils dilate.  
The cat meowed and Luhan released it. It ran into the living room, leaving them both silently staring at each other.  
Minseok opened his mouth, but closed it when Luhan handed him the bandana. ‘Tomorrow at 7, here, be prepared.’ Luhan firmly stated and then ran off. His heart beat in his throat and he hoped it did for Minseok too.

 

The next day at 7 Luhan appeared in front of Minseok’s doorstep, dressed in football attire with a ball in one hand and in the other bag with a uniform in Minseok’s size. He rang the bell and Minseok almost immediately opened it, wearing, as always, black pants and tight grey dress shirt. Luhan swallowed hard.  
Minseok’s glanced at Luhan and sighed. ‘Too formal, eh? This always happens to me.’ Luhan smiled. He wanted to coddle him and tell him he looked perfect. Instead, he held out the bag in front of him.  
‘I got you covered, Minseok,’ he replied. The other boy accepted the bag and ushered Luhan into his apartment. He then disappeared in his bedroom and re-emerged in the outfit Luhan provided. Strangely enough, this outfit was more arousing for Luhan. After all, it was his old football attire he wore during his college football plays. Lu Han 7 was printed on the back, which felt like an accomplishment that he got Minseok to wear his name.

Luhan already decided where they would go to play some ball. Minseok followed quietly and mumbled some approval when Luhan showed the area. It was a football field only five minutes away from Minseok’s home, mostly deserted during the evening.  
It took a moment before they reached comfortable silence and played to their hearts content. Minseok was still holding back and too focused on his surroundings, often stopping mid-run to look around. His physique was not very good, he often had to pause and catch his breath.  
They didn’t speak many words, but both could agree that they had fun. Luhan said his goodbyes to Minseok at his doorstep and he nodded before he closed the door. Tomorrow is another day, Luhan thought, smiling as he walked home.

 

‘Can you tell me how you ended up with my cat in your arms?’ Minseok asked out of the blue when they walked to the football field. It was the second time Luhan picked him up to play, so he was still a bit jumpy around him.  
‘I found the little guy when I was on my way home from a walk. It was raining and it followed me. I couldn’t leave it there!’  
‘I’m glad you did. Her name is Lucky One. I was wondering where she had gone to. One day she escaped and because she never been outside, I was afraid she wouldn’t find her way back. How did you know she was actually mine?’  
‘The bandana, I remember it from my coma. You wore it when we met.’  
‘I did? I cannot remember that, I don’t even know how I got it. When I awoke from my coma, a lady had it packed with my other belongings. I have no clue how they found it, but it’s definitely not something I own.’  
‘Then why did you keep it?’  
‘I’m… I don’t know. I just felt like I had to keep it, maybe it was something I would remember later on.’ Luhan just noted how well Minseok could speak again. He had made tremendous progress in the months they hadn’t seen each other.  
Minseok got the cat from a shelter a few months back. He explains how she was a fullbred, but her miniature size meant the breeder was not able to sell her. Thus Minseok called her Lucky One, for getting a second chance.  
After the conversation, Minseok opened up a little bit and seemed more invested in the game than the day before.

 

The third time Luhan came around, a week later, Minseok was already in his sports attire when he opened the door. They even hugged goodbye. The fourth time, in that same week, some kids watched their game which caused Minseok to be too uncomfortable to continue. It had only been 30 min since they came here. Luhan agreed to leave and packed the ball and water bottle back in his backpack.  
‘Hey, coffee?’ Minseok asked and pointed to a café across the street on their way home. Of course Luhan was not the one to say no to that. They headed to the café, still in their football jerseys, where they took a seat at a secluded table. Luhan picked up their order. He returned to the table, met with a content smile on Minseok’s face. If his hands didn’t carry their mugs, he would probably rush to make a picture to embed this moment forever. Instead, he smiled back at him and placed his Americano in front of him.

They sipped their coffee in silence, until Minseok chuckled and shook his head. Luhan cocked his head and Minseok smiled once again. He had been full of smiles this whole time, so warm and pleasant.  
‘This place is nothing compared to Lumin’s coffee shop,’ Minseok sarcastically joked. Luhan thought back of the coffee shop they allegedly owned in their comatose state, it suddenly all seemed so long ago. They never named it, but Minseok had, apparently. ‘I actually started to pick up my barista skills again,’ Minseok said, breaking Luhan’s train of thoughts. ‘Since two weeks ago I also go to class for it. I’m thinking about starting my own coffee shop.’  
‘Really?’ Luhan asked, with much interest and slight confusion. In the past, Minseok had mentioned how his boss bought him a coffee machine for work and how making coffee had become his favourite task at work. He never considered why Minseok never mentioned he would want anything more to do with his hobby. He felt a pang of excitement and eagerness that he had yet to comprehend, but he answered all the same. ‘Well, if that’s what you want, then I fully support you. You make some of the best coffees I ever tasted, you’ll definitely get loyal customers in no time.’  
‘Actually,’ Minseok stared rubbing his thumb against the cup with a fixated gaze. ‘I want to call the shop Lumin.’ He looked up with squinting eyes, assuming to read Luhan’s expression in the badly illuminated café.  
Luhan cheered. ‘That would be excellent,’ he replied curtly while still in deep thoughts. It seemed like Minseok just asked permission to use it. Luhan was unsure what it meant. So many questions were wandering through his mind, but none actually made it to his mouth. Minseok accepted the answer as a sentence finisher, sipping his coffee with a blank stare.

They left the café after they finished their drinks.  
‘I’m going left here,’ Minseok stated when they reached the intersection. Luhan nodded and pointed to the other direction. ‘Alright, I’ll be heading that way.’ It felt like a first date again, unsure what to do and say, despite them knowing each other so long already.  
They stared at each other for a moment, unsure how they would say their goodbyes. Luhan contemplated reaching out to rub his arm or intertwine their fingers in an attempt to express his feelings, but Minseok was a step ahead and swung his arms around the other. Instead of a small goodbye hug, Luhan felt Minseok snuggling closer and resting his head in the crook of his neck. Naturally, Luhan placed a hand on his head and held him tight. If only Minseok would know how much he missed this.

Minseok tugged himself free and rubbed his eyes wearily. He whispered a goodbye and scurried off. Luhan stared off into the distance he rushed off to, left with a heart beating fiercely in its cage.

 

It was one of those days everything seems to be against Luhan. He overslept and thus missed an important meeting, resulting in a tongue-lashing from his supervisor. Once returned to his office, his coffee slipped on not only his pants but also important documents. He was really not having it today. He blamed the nightmare he had the night prior, involving the car accident that put him in a coma. He dreamt of the bright headlights of an upcoming car that blinded him, hitting Luhan’s car on high speed and swerving it out against a lamppost. He remembered hearing nothing except a loud ringing in his ears. A figure stood next to his window, eyes blown out of proportion with his mouth frantically moving. Luhan awoken when he placed his head on the steering wheel in defeat, the way he had lost consciousness that evening when the crash happened.  
After wiping the documents clean, he made a note to call his family and Chinese friends. He wonders briefly how Yixing is doing, he still needed to be updated on his frequent meetings with Minseok.

Luhan called Baekhyun from his office. The latter once told him he had an extra set of clothing available at work. Considering his work in the lab, it would be impossible to not ever spill any chemicals or testing material. He was sure Chanyeol had the same, but Baekhyun was more his size than he was. Within 5 minutes, Baekhyun stood in front of his office and handed him the pair of jeans.  
‘Thanks, really appreciate it.’ Luhan accepted the pants and Baekhyun let himself in, taking seat in Luhan’s chair behind the desk.  
‘No problem. I keep forgetting what a great office you have,’ he said as he let his hand slide across the oak desk. ‘Want to grab lunch right now? It’s a little early, but there isn’t much work to be done in our department. The samples we were supposed to test were not delivered to us. I’m bored of sitting around.’  
‘Alright, give me a minute okay?’ Luhan asked, unsure whether Baekhyun would hang around watching him change or leave the office. Apparently it was the former, babbling on about his boring day.  
The pants turned out to be a little on the short side, his ankles showed and the slight breeze on them felt foreign. Other than that, it was a good fit. They would meet Chanyeol in the cafeteria, Baekhyun already messaged him to join them.

‘Are you and Chanyeol still hanging out a lot?’ Luhan asked. They were walking to the cafeteria.  
Baekhyun smiled. ‘Yup. We’re doing well. We had this thing going on for a little while, but now he is dating another guy.’  
Luhan stared at him with big eyes. ‘What? You two were in a relationship?’  
‘No, no. I still have my girlfriend, remember? We just had some fun as friends, you know how that goes.’  
Luhan furrowed his brows. ‘Not really. I did not even know you were not straight, Baekhyun. Isn’t it cheating either way?’  
Baekhyun pouted. ‘I’m not into dudes. Chanyeol was lonely and miserable, so I helped him in my own way. And no, it’s not cheating when it is with someone your own sex.’  
‘I should have known you’re a freak, Baekhyun, but you’re really too much. And no, cheating is cheating. Aren’t you playing with Chanyeol’s feelings like this?’  
‘I’m not. We agreed to no feelings, just pleasure. Besides, I was curious. Chanyeol is pretty cute in bed, but sometimes a bit clingy.’  
‘Too much information.’ Luhan shuddered from the thought. They dropped the conversation soon after, they clearly were not on the same line with this.

After Chanyeol joined them, Baekhyun of course had to ask about Minseok.  
‘It’s going well. Minseok is warming up to me again, he even seems more confident nowadays,’ Luhan replied when Baekhyun had asked him about their football ‘dates’.  
Baekhyun smiled. He patted Chanyeol on his shoulder, being a bit clingier to him since they sat down than usual. ‘How about you, Chanyeol.’  
Chanyeol eyed him weirdly. ‘What do you mean?’  
‘How did your last date go? With, Kyungsoo was his name, I believe?’ Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol allowed Baekhyun to play match maker for him, Kyungsoo being one of the supplier they get their chemical material at work from.  
‘It went alright. He was friendly, but very quiet. I don’t think he liked me very much.’  
‘Will you go on another date?’ Luhan asked.  
Chanyeol nodded his head. ‘I think we just need to get acquainted first. He’s one of those mysterious quiet guys, but he spoke very passionately about his hobbies. I just remember, Luhan, could I borrow that book from you, the one about introverts?’  
‘The one you criticized when you took it from my shelf? Have you changed your mind about it?’ Luhan jabbed at him. ‘But sure, I’ll bring it to work tomorrow.’ Luhan promised. Baekhyun cooed Chanyeol how he was actually going to read a book for this person and that he was already smitten. Chanyeol just sighed and laughed, jokingly saying he should do something to fix his sad single life.

 

Luhan brought the book for Chanyeol the next day, but was surprised when Chanyeol places it in his hands again in the afternoon.  
‘What is this for?’ Luhan asked confused.  
Chanyeol pulled out an envelope hidden inside the book. Luhan looked it over.  
‘I don’t remember putting a card in this, did you do this?’  
‘I didn’t. Go read it!’ Chanyeol nearly screamed, his smile impossibly big.

The handwriting was awful and difficult to read, but it was unmistakably Minseok’s. The date written on the top corner revealed it was written two weeks before their break up.

_Dearest Luhan,_

_I love you so much. I have never felt this way about someone, but you are more perfect to me than I think I am ever able to explain._  
_I need time to work on myself. I depend too much on you, it has become a major burden on you. That is not the way I wish for this relationship to continue. I am afraid I will lose you when you find out you could get so much better. Therefore, I will work very hard on improving myself. I want to conquer my social anxiety and_

The letter was discontinued, but behind in the envelope were multiple drafts written on memos. It was more like a telegram, only keywords noted down in crude handwriting.  
‘How long has he been walking around with these thoughts?’ Luhan idly asked. Writing the letter would have taken ages, considering his slow progress with the writing assignments that his neurologist gave him.  
‘What are you going to do now?’ Chanyeol’s voice snapped Luhan back to the man standing beside him. He shrugged, what should he do with this information? Perhaps Minseok forgot about this letter or misplaced it, it would be silly to bring it up. The information would also have been more valuable if he had found the letter when they just broke up, it would have saved him some heartache. Now it was just a repeat of Jongdae’s words.  
Chanyeol scanned the drafts and finds an interesting text. ‘This one reads never leave, I back, coffee. What does it mean?’ Again Luhan shrugged. ‘Were your conversations always like this? My brain hurts from these notes alone,’ Chanyeol added and handed the notes back to Luhan, defeated by the cryptic messages.  
Luhan laughed. ‘It’s not that difficult to understand him. We had a way with each other.’  
‘You’re smiling so gross right now.’ Chanyeol declared dreamily.  
‘Thank you for showing me this, Chanyeol. I have a lot to think about now.’

 

Their gameplay became more intense throughout the month, Minseok’s condition was getting better and it also made him more competitive. He smiled more often and sometimes even barked a laugh when he scored. He had also been talking more often and it was a noticeable improvement with how fluent he spoke.  
‘Goal! That means you will be buying me coffee tonight.’ Minseok teased when he scored yet another goal, leaving the score 6-2 in his favour.  
Luhan pouted. It drew a laugh from the other that had Luhan laughing as well.  
‘I think, latte macchiato tonight!’  
‘You’re already thinking about coffee? What about my rematch?’ Luhan grumbled in mockery.  
‘Be a fair loser, Luhan. Also,’ Minseok pointed to the sky, ‘it will rain soon. Best find shelter before it’s too late.’  
They packed their stuff in silence. Luhan finished packing a bit earlier as usual, since Minseok organizes his backpack too neatly and Luhan is more of a ‘just throw it in there and see if it’ll fit’ kind of packer. He watched as Minseok immerged himself into packing, his mouth ajar and hands never resting till he considered his backpack worthily packed. So silly, something like this, yet Luhan could not pull his gaze away. He would be a little too uncomfortable saying he enjoyed Minseok being Minseok, but he really could watch him all day.  
‘Hey Minseok.’  
‘Yes?’  
‘I like you being you.’  
‘What?’ Minseok looked up at Luhan, his brow furrowed and lips pouting.  
‘I mean, I see you’re still working hard on your speech therapy. You have improved so much, I really admire that about you.’ Luhan saved himself, twiddling his thumbs in hopes it didn’t come off as too much.  
Minseok smiled, genuine and pure, and dropped his head. Was that a tint of red warming his cheeks? When he looked up again, he looked more confident. ‘Thank you, I am glad I am able to commun-, communi-… Talk better now.’ Again a smile.

 

It was Saturday night and after 11 pm they finally called it a day. They were both sweating heavily and Luhan was the first to lie down on the grass, deserving of some rest. Spring was acting up with warmer temperatures and longer days, so both hadn’t even noticed the time fly by until it was dark outside.  
Luhan closed his eyes. He could hear Minseok rummaging through his backpack and then walking over to him. He felt a small poke in his side which he tried to swat away with his hands, but it was not budging. He opened his eyes and found Minseok sitting so close to him, his legs crossed and pressing into Luhan’s side, his elbows resting on his legs. Minseok smiled and handed him over his own water bottle.  
‘That tired?’ Minseok’s eyes followed him as he sat up with one hand supporting himself, not leaving even when he unscrewed the bottle cap and placed the bottle against his lips. They drew away when Luhan emptied the bottle, but Luhan tapped his jaw to return his gaze.  
‘Can I ask you something?’  
Minseok nodded, his face a little confused.  
‘When you packed my ‘belongings’ when you-, we, you broke up with me, why did you add one of your books with it?’  
‘Oh, did I?’ Minseok answered nonchalantly.  
‘The one about introverts, ‘Quiet influence’. I never bought it, why did you give it to me?’  
‘I don’t know, I didn’t think it was mine. It doesn’t really matter that much to me, you can keep it.’  
‘Well it is yours, you should know that. I think the content made that quite clear.’ Luhan accused him.  
‘I know there were two similar books on my shelf and one didn’t belong to me, but I didn’t know which one. I must have given you the wrong one.’ Minseok answered. Suddenly his eyes grew large and he stared at Luhan with disbelief. ‘Wait, you mean content as in…?’  
‘Notes and a letter.’  
‘I can’t believe I’m this dumb.’ Minseok hid his face behind his hands, emitting a few dry chuckles before he pulled himself from his stupor. ‘I’ve been looking for them everywhere, I didn’t mean for you to see them.’  
‘Why not? They were meant for me in the end after all.’  
‘Not like this. I’ve… I’m just stupid.’  
‘You’re not, but I do want answers. I need them, Minseok.’ Luhan pleaded. He just realized how they have managed to get even closer to each other. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath on their skin.  
‘Look, I’ve wanted to write my feelings down for quite a while now. I’ve been wanting to distance myself from you for a long time as well. It’s unfair how I’ve treated you, I didn’t want you to hate me for it. That’s why I wanted to write down that I needed to work on myself, then you would understand me. Yet, when that incident happened when you were away with your colleagues, I was too angry to explain myself. Too angry at myself for being so weak.’  
‘I don’t think you’re weak,’ Luhan reasoned, but got cut off by Minseok.  
‘But I am weak, Luhan!’ Minseok raised his voice for a moment, but continued in a soft whisper. ‘I can’t talk, I can’t work, I can’t be a good boyfriend. I can’t control my anxiety, I can’t maintain friendships. Is it really fair for you to tell me I’m not weak?’  
Luhan remained quiet.  
‘I don’t regret breaking our contact off, despite crying every night. Even if you weren’t there, you became my reason to better myself. I didn’t earn you yet, so I worked hard to make sure I would in the future.’  
‘Minseok…’ Luhan whispered, a mix of feelings stirring in his guts.  
‘I’m foolish, aren’t I?’ Minseok shook his head. ‘Here I am, opening old wounds for the both of us, expecting things I know I shouldn’t.’  
‘What do you mean?’ Luhan almost did not dare ask. The air around them seemed to have frozen and he felt nervous and doubtful.  
Minseok’s eyes found his and for a moment he looked exactly like Luhan felt. Then his hand was behind Luhan’s head and his lips on his. It felt as if they never parted. It ended too quickly with Minseok retreating, taking more distance as well.  
‘What are you expecting, Minseok?’ Luhan asked, inching forward towards him again. Luckily, he did not retreat further and Luhan was able to give him another peck. ‘Tell me.’  
‘Expecting you to dump your girlfriend and take me back,’ Minseok pouted in an attempt to make the mood a little lighter, but his eyes were drooping.  
Luhan smiled and gave him another kiss on the lips, wrapping his arms around him and knocking him to the ground with his weight. ‘Are you sure about that?’  
Minseok looked offended and wiggled underneath him. ‘Luhan, you can’t just do this. Your girlf-’  
‘I broke up with her. I had a dream and it made me want to make it into reality,’ Luhan smiled. ‘So please, Minseok. Will you be my boyfriend?’  
Minseok made a wheezing noise, which might be because Luhan’s full weight pressed down on his lunges, but he smiled and whispered directly in his ear, ‘yes, please’.

 

‘Are you listening? I can’t believe you are more nervous than I am, they are your friends!’ Minseok pouted when Luhan turned his head to him, forgetting to listen while he was stressing out. They were on the subway to meet with Baekhyun and Chanyeol at a restaurant downtown. It had been a month since they had been in a relationship again and to Luhan’s surprise it was Minseok who came with the idea to meet his infamous colleagues.  
‘I’m not nervous. Just don’t laugh at Baekhyun’s jokes and definitely don’t ask Chanyeol about his Rilakumma collection.’ It was going to be an exhausting evening. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had been excited about it all week, which should already been enough to ring the alarm.  
Minseok shuffled closer to him, his chest pressing against his as he wrapped his free hand around Luhan’s back. The other was still entangled in Luhan’s. ‘I’m happy to meet your friends,’ Minseok whispered almost too quietly to be heard. Luhan squeezed his hand and sighed contently. This month had been the best he had since he arrived in Korea. Minseok had improved tremendously. His social anxiety was only acting out in small waves, but he had it well under control. They were able to dine out, have days at the park. Minseok confessed it was because of Luhan that he was able to do so, he was like a shield that protected him wherever he went. Luhan himself thought it was because of Minseok’s work while he was gone. He had regained his function as personal assistant for Kris at the Wu Company and he had been coming home content from that. Despite the amount of meetings, he was happy he could contribute to them. His writing was still a bit slow, but Kris had another employee employed to make notes. Only a few weeks ago did he give up that function to open his own coffee shop.  
All in all, Minseok felt good in his own skin again, and that showed in his more carefree demeanor and open affection towards Luhan. He might not have been the same he was in the coma dream, but his quirks made the real Minseok that much more interesting.

***  
They arrived first at the restaurant. Baekhyun and Chanyeol joined them five minutes later, both smiling bright and happily introducing themselves to Minseok.  
‘So I heard you just opened a coffee shop, Minseok. How is that going?’ Baekhyun asked when they exchanged the pleasantries and ordered something off the menu.  
‘Excellent, so far there has been a lot of interest from customers and I have already a few of them coming back.’ It had been two weeks since the coffee shop officially opened. It had taken a month to get the finances and the shop ready to go, which he wouldn’t have been able to accomplish without the help of his now former boss Kris. Luhan and Jongdae had chimed in with decorating the place, giving it a homey feeling. In actuality, his shop Lumin looked identical to the one from his coma dreams. The layout, the furniture and even the flowers in the windows were all the same. The sketches of their design that Luhan provided helped a lot with that.  
‘Let’s check it out tomorrow, Chanyeol!’ Baekhyun exclaimed. The shop was located right around the corner of their company, by request of Luhan to be able to drink Minseok’s coffee every day. Mostly it was an excuse to see Minseok, but it was a welcome one.  
‘Only tomorrow? We’ll be there every day!’ Chanyeol joked.  
The rest of the evening they spent chatting and laughing. Minseok found himself thoroughly enjoying it all and he wondered why he never had the strength to meet Luhan’s friends earlier. As if Luhan noticed, he slid his hand in Minseok’s and squeezes softly. Minseok looked up to the man smiling fondly at him.

They waved goodbye to each other when dinner was over. Luhan and Minseok waited a moment to see Baekhyun and Chanyeol walking to the bus stop, Chanyeol’s arm draped over the smaller’s shoulders.  
‘So what are they of each other again?’ Minseok asked. He heard plenty about the two and Chanyeol’s crush on his best friend, but today he second-guessed who he was talking about during those times. Baekhyun looked an awfully lot smitten during dinner, every tiny smile exchanged with Chanyeol and the lingering touches.  
‘Just friends, I guess? Chanyeol hasn’t talked about Baekhyun for a while now, but he seems happy. I thought he was dating someone, but I never heard anything about that guy anymore either.’ Luhan answered. Truthfully, he asked Chanyeol about his relationship before. He could not conclude anything, but he enjoyed spending time with Baekhyun and that was all that mattered, he said.  
Minseok nodded in acknowledgement as they turned to head home as well. ‘I like them, you have good friends, Luhan.’ Luhan’s smile in return beamed of approval.

 

‘Minseok. Are you still awake? If you are, can I ask you something?’ Luhan asked when they are lying in bed that evening, cuddled together.  
Minseok nodded against his chest.  
‘How were you able to improve your speech so tremendously while I was gone?’  
Minseok raised his head to look at Luhan. ‘I had motivation to do so,’ he answered. ‘Why are you asking now?’  
‘I just wish I was part of it all. I wish I could have supported you through all your hard times. Why didn’t you tell me you needed time?’  
‘Luhan…’  
‘I know. I’m sorry for bringing it up. But Minseok, I would have waited an eternity for you if you asked me. You never left my mind.’'  
Minseok smiled and reached out to peck Luhan’s lips. ‘You never left mine, either.’  
‘I love you.’  
‘I love you too.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
